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Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1398
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
Ugh!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1915
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3657
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1060
Who:
Defective Turret
I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2645
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
24405
Who:
Wheatley
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5343
Who:
Announcer
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1616
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Cave Johnson
Can't breathe...
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Yes!
Listens:
1154
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 3
How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6586
Who:
Core 1
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
12694
Who:
Turret
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2037
Who:
Wheatley
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
1008
Who:
Cave Johnson
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
678
Who:
Core 3
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Dispensing product
Listens:
1656
Who:
Turret
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1857
Who:
Core 3
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
1047
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24308
Who:
GLaDOS
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1734
Who:
Cave Johnson
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4293
Who:
Core 2
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
110087
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
941
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1949
Who:
GLaDOS
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4324
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
909
Who:
Turret
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1419
Who:
Caroline
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
50146
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25562
Who:
Core 1
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2052
Who:
Wheatley
Hi again!
Listens:
939
Who:
Defective Turret
Here I go!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
521
Who:
Defective Turret
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
825
Who:
Wheatley
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1340
Who:
GLaDOS
Problems with authority.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Wheatley
You both need to do something.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
You're on your own.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 2
Histrionic.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1375
Who:
Core 3
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't read.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2228
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
534
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5404
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6418
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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