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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Dispensing product
Listens:
1459
Who:
Turret
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1897
Who:
Core 3
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
24865
Who:
Caroline
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2031
Who:
Wheatley
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
867
Who:
Cave Johnson
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2857
Who:
Core 3
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1433
Who:
Core 1
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3479
Who:
Defective Turret
Briefly.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go in!
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1445
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
3913
Who:
Announcer
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
382
Who:
Defective Turret
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
70918
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Core 3
Always cold.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
36334
Who:
Wheatley
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3319
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
487
Who:
Core 2
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
417
Who:
Core 2
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
23960
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Never flushes.
Listens:
245
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3267
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
761
Who:
Announcer
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1706
Who:
Announcer
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1696
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
932
Who:
Wheatley
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1623
Who:
Cave Johnson
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
231
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1105
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1691
Who:
GLaDOS
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2023
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1938
Who:
Wheatley
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6867
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1274
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3545
Who:
Core 2
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
992
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
897
Who:
Announcer
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
766
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm in space.
Listens:
2263
Who:
Core 1
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1198
Who:
Announcer
Riggght now.
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't give up now.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
18253
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
28956
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
1894
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2016
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5245
Who:
Core 2
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Paradoxes.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1474
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1149
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1719
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
608
Who:
Core 2
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5758
Who:
Core 1
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3289
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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