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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
3893
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
496
Who:
Core 3
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1304
Who:
Core 3
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
201
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
196558
Who:
Core 1
Undermines others.
Listens:
210
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
Let go of me!
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1039
Who:
Wheatley
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
693045
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5965
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
Procrastinator.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
1473
Who:
Turret
We're back!
Listens:
1446
Who:
Defective Turret
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
194
Who:
GLaDOS
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
232
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1414
Who:
Cave Johnson
That isn't science.
Listens:
2028
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1445
Who:
GLaDOS
Finish it...
Listens:
237
Who:
Wheatley
Antisocial.
Listens:
172
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
2345
Who:
Announcer
Just turn around.
Listens:
166
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
180
Who:
Wheatley
Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Good shot!
Listens:
456
Who:
Turret
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
2671
Who:
Defective Turret
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
2620
Who:
Defective Turret
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Listens:
166
Who:
GLaDOS
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
164
Who:
Wheatley
Crap.
Listens:
1691
Who:
Defective Turret
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1178
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh...
Listens:
286
Who:
Defective Turret
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11581
Who:
Wheatley
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
700
Who:
Wheatley
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
14546
Who:
Core 2
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Listens:
201
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1163
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
What'd I hit?
Listens:
237
Who:
Defective Turret
It's not, though.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2333
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, let's do this.
Listens:
270
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
517
Who:
Defective Turret
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1430
Who:
Core 3
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11302
Who:
Wheatley
Noooooo!
Listens:
1303
Who:
Turret
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
215
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
351
Who:
Defective Turret
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't read.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
399
Who:
Core 3
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
199
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5059
Who:
Core 1
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1392
Who:
Cave Johnson
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
166
Who:
Wheatley
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
56497
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
841
Who:
Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5381
Who:
Core 3
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
686
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you get out?
Listens:
169
Who:
Wheatley
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2201
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
166
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
956
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1206
Who:
GLaDOS
Moody.
Listens:
171
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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