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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
926
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
222
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
3517
Who:
Wheatley
Get mad!
Listens:
25624
Who:
Turret
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1153
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
164
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me down!
Listens:
622
Who:
Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
842
Who:
Turret
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4228
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
203
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1825
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello.
Listens:
712
Who:
Defective Turret
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
2408
Who:
GLaDOS
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
477
Who:
Core 3
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5722
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
553
Who:
Core 3
Whoa!
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there...
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
187
Who:
Wheatley
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
194
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1431
Who:
Announcer
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2251
Who:
Turret
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
184
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2346
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
3242
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Turrets!
Listens:
213
Who:
Wheatley
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11192
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
478
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
198
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
390
Who:
Defective Turret
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
383
Who:
Core 3
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
992
Who:
Core 1
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
232
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
494
Who:
Turret
It's eating me.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
430172
Who:
Core 1
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
172
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
668
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
156
Who:
Wheatley
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
15259
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
Manipulative.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
38467
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go?
Listens:
212
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1196
Who:
Wheatley
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
2818
Who:
Cave Johnson
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
227
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
213
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1522
Who:
Core 3
I’m scared!
Listens:
547
Who:
Turret
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
231
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it!
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
3659
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Self test error
Listens:
884
Who:
Turret
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
792
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1054
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
742
Who:
Core 3
OW...
Listens:
195
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
4992
Who:
Core 1
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
What'd I hit?
Listens:
228
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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