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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2274
Who:
Wheatley
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
2782
Who:
Core 2
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Target lost
Listens:
2918
Who:
Turret
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5119
Who:
Cave Johnson
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I help you?
Listens:
657
Who:
Turret
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
212
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
2839
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
3468
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
883
Who:
Turret
Agggh...
Listens:
305
Who:
Defective Turret
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
797
Who:
Core 1
Uhoh
Listens:
631
Who:
Turret
Good.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Carry on.
Listens:
188
Who:
Wheatley
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
3601
Who:
Announcer
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1198
Who:
Core 1
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
179
Who:
Wheatley
Do not do it!
Listens:
205
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1405
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go in!
Listens:
183
Who:
Wheatley
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
183
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1815
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
176
Who:
Wheatley
Argumentative.
Listens:
182
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
954
Who:
Core 1
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
4764
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
590
Who:
Turret
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
22883
Who:
Core 2
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
796
Who:
Announcer
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
374
Who:
Core 2
three
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
470
Who:
Core 3
You will know it when you find it.
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
612
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done!
Listens:
418
Who:
Turret
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
2943
Who:
Wheatley
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
948
Who:
Core 3
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
28822
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
746
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1616
Who:
GLaDOS
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
187
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4919
Who:
Core 2
It won't.
Listens:
184
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4385
Who:
Announcer
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
17318
Who:
Core 1
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
188
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
186
Who:
Wheatley
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Announcer
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
474
Who:
Turret
Allright, what have we got?
Listens:
176
Who:
Wheatley
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Listens:
27244
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
Until now.
Listens:
194
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
191
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
185
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
478
Who:
Core 2
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1822
Who:
Core 3
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1514
Who:
GLaDOS
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
702
Who:
Turret
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
302
Who:
Core 2
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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