Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
668
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 2
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
965
Who:
Announcer
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2522
Who:
Turret
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Core 1
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2966
Who:
Turret
NOT a team player.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Owww!
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1512
Who:
GLaDOS
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
945
Who:
Core 3
Space.
Listens:
103111
Who:
Core 1
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3952
Who:
Wheatley
Just get it off me...
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3504
Who:
Turret
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Stubborn.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1284
Who:
Announcer
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Announcer
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on -
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9844
Who:
Wheatley
Die!
Listens:
1668
Who:
Defective Turret
Argumentative.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7600
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1018
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
She is a gem.
Listens:
3065
Who:
Cave Johnson
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 3
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
465
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1589
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
113679
Who:
Core 2
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
945
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1734
Who:
Cave Johnson
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6958
Who:
Wheatley
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32640
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Cave Johnson
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1714
Who:
Defective Turret
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
86886
Who:
GLaDOS
Please go to space.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Cave Johnson
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5081
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5823
Who:
Core 3
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
910
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2228
Who:
Core 3
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
999
Who:
Defective Turret
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
3057
Who:
Announcer
I'm done.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
22389
Who:
Wheatley
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10344
Who:
Announcer
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
6289
Who:
Defective Turret
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18754
Who:
Core 1
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
845
Who:
Defective Turret
Histrionic.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2486
Who:
Turret
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2943
Who:
Wheatley
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9311
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5888
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!