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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Core 1
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
20660
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
We are?
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 1
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
519
Who:
Defective Turret
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4889
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Okay!
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
This way! This way!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
One moment.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1634
Who:
GLaDOS
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1269
Who:
GLaDOS
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Core 3
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
20827
Who:
Announcer
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
808
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1589
Who:
GLaDOS
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
913
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
6289
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2774
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gah!
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4156
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1241
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3504
Who:
Turret
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6870
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
77431
Who:
GLaDOS
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3369
Who:
Wheatley
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2351
Who:
Core 2
Excellent work.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1474
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1438
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2157
Who:
Caroline
You're better than that.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1091
Who:
Defective Turret
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
586948
Who:
Core 1
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7883
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38319
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1993
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2300
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3122
Who:
Core 1
Whee!
Listens:
2255
Who:
Turret
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3597
Who:
GLaDOS
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5790
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1913
Who:
Announcer
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4371
Who:
Cave Johnson
Agggh...
Listens:
495
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1380
Who:
Wheatley
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1611
Who:
Core 1
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
753
Who:
Defective Turret
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1447
Who:
Announcer
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1003
Who:
Defective Turret
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4304
Who:
Wheatley
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3711
Who:
Announcer
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1107
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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