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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Random
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Malfunctioning
Listens:
1102
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
227
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
19322
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
968
Who:
Core 3
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3000
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2301
Who:
Core 3
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
743
Who:
Turret
Old.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
4454
Who:
Announcer
AH!
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
391
Who:
Core 2
Ungh!
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
226
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
2561
Who:
Turret
Always sulking.
Listens:
235
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
987
Who:
Wheatley
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11670
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1456
Who:
Core 3
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
748
Who:
Announcer
NO.
Listens:
1721
Who:
GLaDOS
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me down!
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5355
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
1788
Who:
Turret
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
2934
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
226
Who:
Wheatley
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
227
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
457
Who:
Defective Turret
Nicely Done!
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
3726
Who:
Defective Turret
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
226
Who:
Wheatley
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Oops.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
Always sleeping.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Always cold.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
2182
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
229
Who:
Wheatley
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6623
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
951
Who:
Core 1
It's eating me.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
It burns.
Listens:
2466
Who:
Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
935
Who:
Core 1
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Cave Johnson
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1274
Who:
Core 2
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4340
Who:
Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
679
Who:
Core 3
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
2976
Who:
Wheatley
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3019
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
497
Who:
Core 3
What are you...
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2303
Who:
Core 3
Can you get out?
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
573
Who:
Turret
On ya go.
Listens:
226
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
834
Who:
Defective Turret
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
226
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1902
Who:
Wheatley
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
723
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
228
Who:
Wheatley
I'm different...
Listens:
63652
Who:
Turret
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
226
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
894
Who:
Core 1
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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