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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Are you alive down there?
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1557
Who:
Turret
Sorry.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
2467
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 1
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
211
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
1443
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
933
Who:
Core 2
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
2735
Who:
Cave Johnson
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
168
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1641
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
268
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button again.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
1961
Who:
Core 3
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
893
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1355
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Core 1
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1726
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
825
Who:
Announcer
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
273
Who:
Defective Turret
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
286
Who:
Core 2
Nonononononono!
Listens:
60372
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
167
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
626
Who:
Turret
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
3100
Who:
Turret
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
2833
Who:
Announcer
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't read.
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
756
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
202
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1056
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
202
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
547
Who:
Turret
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Busybody.
Listens:
168
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
580
Who:
Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
2477
Who:
Announcer
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4462
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
488
Who:
Core 3
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
19277
Who:
Wheatley
Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.
Listens:
173
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
545
Who:
Defective Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I help you?
Listens:
590
Who:
Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
364
Who:
Defective Turret
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
715
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
3446
Who:
Wheatley
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
196
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
835
Who:
Core 3
The other? Well...
Listens:
176
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
10443
Who:
Turret
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
441
Who:
Defective Turret
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
523
Who:
Core 2
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
176
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11197
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
435
Who:
Core 3
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
921
Who:
Defective Turret
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
182
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
181
Who:
GLaDOS
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
859
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
915
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
168
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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