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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Never on time.
Listens:
196
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
164
Who:
Wheatley
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
915
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
195
Who:
Wheatley
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1522
Who:
Core 1
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
742
Who:
Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1688
Who:
Core 2
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
167109
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1544
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
2979
Who:
Announcer
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
982
Who:
Core 3
Goodbye
Listens:
6046
Who:
Turret
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1084
Who:
GLaDOS
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
1988
Who:
Wheatley
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
216
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
952
Who:
Core 1
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9248
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
219
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
2848
Who:
Defective Turret
We are?
Listens:
442
Who:
Core 1
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
3350
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
369
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang!
Listens:
417
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
362
Who:
Core 2
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh!
Listens:
217
Who:
Wheatley
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
180
Who:
GLaDOS
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
2570
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1336
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4366
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
2832
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
439
Who:
Core 3
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1899
Who:
Turret
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
857
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1699
Who:
Announcer
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
2464
Who:
Caroline
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
171
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
889
Who:
Defective Turret
Anxious.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
626
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Core 1
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
174
Who:
GLaDOS
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
14356
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4789
Who:
Core 2
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2061
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
315
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
1878
Who:
Announcer
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
158
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
767
Who:
Announcer
Always sulking.
Listens:
166
Who:
GLaDOS
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1153
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
678
Who:
Cave Johnson
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1077
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
2884
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
223
Who:
Wheatley
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 1
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
180
Who:
Wheatley
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1154
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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