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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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This place is huge.
Listens:
206
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
631
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
750
Who:
GLaDOS
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
186
Who:
GLaDOS
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
2427
Who:
Wheatley
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Never flushes.
Listens:
141
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
519
Who:
Defective Turret
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
999
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
396
Who:
Defective Turret
Where'd you go?
Listens:
191
Who:
Wheatley
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
206
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
536
Who:
Defective Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
777
Who:
Cave Johnson
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
141
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1242
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
262
Who:
Defective Turret
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
3014
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
149
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
3242
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
211
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
697
Who:
Core 1
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
192250
Who:
Core 1
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
335
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
209
Who:
GLaDOS
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
207
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
21538
Who:
Core 2
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
3823
Who:
Announcer
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
902
Who:
Caroline
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1017
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
2751
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1029
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
67019
Who:
Announcer
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
141
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
1953
Who:
GLaDOS
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Announcer
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
221
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
177
Who:
GLaDOS
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
32888
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1125
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
811
Who:
Turret
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
382
Who:
Core 2
Hi?
Listens:
481
Who:
Turret
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
23946
Who:
Wheatley
Arsonist.
Listens:
154
Who:
GLaDOS
No variances detected.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
219
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
189
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
312
Who:
Defective Turret
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1308
Who:
Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1392
Who:
Announcer
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
321
Who:
Defective Turret
Activated
Listens:
1651
Who:
Turret
She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!
Listens:
146
Who:
Wheatley
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
168
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
9950
Who:
Turret
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
277129
Who:
Announcer
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1271
Who:
Turret
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
141
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
611
Who:
Turret
ow.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
153
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
186
Who:
GLaDOS
This way! This way!
Listens:
148
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
2824
Who:
Announcer
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
666
Who:
Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
458
Who:
Core 3
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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