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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
642
Who:
Cave Johnson
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Don't move!
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
38274
Who:
Cave Johnson
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
839
Who:
Core 3
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
145
Who:
Wheatley
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
628
Who:
Defective Turret
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
18668
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
3069
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
231
Who:
Defective Turret
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
219
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
2750
Who:
Wheatley
We're running out of time...
Listens:
207
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
151
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
675
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9409
Who:
Defective Turret
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
216
Who:
GLaDOS
SHUT UP!
Listens:
7850
Who:
Wheatley
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
223
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5274
Who:
Wheatley
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
188
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
3246
Who:
Cave Johnson
Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
851
Who:
Defective Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1072
Who:
Announcer
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
178
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
2417
Who:
Defective Turret
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
541
Who:
Core 1
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
639
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't blame you
Listens:
18126
Who:
Turret
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
3383
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
459
Who:
Core 3
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
2148
Who:
Announcer
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1362
Who:
Announcer
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
2406
Who:
Defective Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3073
Who:
Core 2
Crap.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
263
Who:
Defective Turret
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
215
Who:
GLaDOS
You KNOW her?
Listens:
223
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
147
Who:
Wheatley
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Wheatley
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
35300
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2255
Who:
Core 3
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
37410
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7372
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1169
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
227
Who:
GLaDOS
For safety.
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
Try something.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my.
Listens:
322
Who:
Turret
Shutting down
Listens:
10890
Who:
Turret
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
3525
Who:
Core 2
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
506
Who:
Defective Turret
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
143
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
153
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
What about that camera?
Listens:
145
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
665
Who:
Defective Turret
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1388
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
2785
Who:
Cave Johnson
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
14752
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3790
Who:
Core 1
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1143
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
212
Who:
Defective Turret
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
215
Who:
GLaDOS
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
231
Who:
Defective Turret
Emotional problems.
Listens:
227
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
150
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
176
Who:
Wheatley
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1168
Who:
Caroline
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
214
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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