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Portal 2
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Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
23356
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1389
Who:
Turret
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
729
Who:
Core 1
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
722
Who:
Announcer
ow.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
993
Who:
Core 1
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
2318
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1641
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
84894
Who:
Core 1
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
347
Who:
Core 3
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 3
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1127
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want this!
Listens:
14974
Who:
Caroline
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
2653
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
864
Who:
Announcer
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
1852
Who:
Announcer
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
548
Who:
Defective Turret
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
15346
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
199
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
1631
Who:
Announcer
Excellent work.
Listens:
195
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
152
Who:
Wheatley
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Wheatley
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
150
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
825
Who:
Wheatley
Histrionic.
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
946
Who:
Core 2
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
161
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1725
Who:
Caroline
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1072
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
773
Who:
Core 1
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
382
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
189
Who:
Wheatley
Who ARE you?
Listens:
2362
Who:
Turret
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
218
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
19072
Who:
Wheatley
Can I help you?
Listens:
570
Who:
Turret
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6532
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
684
Who:
Defective Turret
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
For your test.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4862
Who:
Cave Johnson
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
180
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
528
Who:
Turret
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
Listens:
178
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
It burns.
Listens:
1892
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
10322
Who:
Turret
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
181
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
2424
Who:
GLaDOS
Target lost
Listens:
2723
Who:
Turret
What are you two doing?
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright?
Listens:
151
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
725
Who:
Announcer
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4697
Who:
GLaDOS
Sollllve it...
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5895
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
261
Who:
Defective Turret
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
3317
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
272
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
158
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
404
Who:
Defective Turret
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1727
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4078
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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