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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1366
Who:
Wheatley
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
211
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
341
Who:
Core 2
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
3241
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
825
Who:
Announcer
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
256
Who:
Defective Turret
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1419
Who:
Defective Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2208
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3949
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
843
Who:
Turret
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
25738
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
227
Who:
Wheatley
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
Listens:
156
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1007
Who:
Turret
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
179
Who:
Wheatley
NO.
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1084
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
904
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
441
Who:
Defective Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
1378
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1706
Who:
Core 2
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
26449
Who:
Core 2
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
161
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
634
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1552
Who:
Announcer
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
840
Who:
Defective Turret
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
548
Who:
Turret
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1210
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
195
Who:
Wheatley
It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2268
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
167
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
2408
Who:
GLaDOS
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2061
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
188
Who:
GLaDOS
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
368
Who:
Core 2
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
618
Who:
Core 3
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
824
Who:
Announcer
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
167
Who:
GLaDOS
Space? SPACE!
Listens:
17239
Who:
Core 1
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
3340
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
477
Who:
Core 3
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11197
Who:
Wheatley
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
237
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
297
Who:
Defective Turret
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Listens:
203
Who:
Wheatley
Quick, this way!
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
161
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1539
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
706
Who:
Announcer
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
2467
Who:
GLaDOS
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
542290
Who:
Core 1
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
155
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
597
Who:
Turret
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
843
Who:
Core 3
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
891
Who:
Defective Turret
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
155
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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