Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
clickclickclick
Listens:
238
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
15986
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1032
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
3015
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
14471
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
176
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1576
Who:
Turret
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
186
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1125
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
167
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
358
Who:
Core 3
Space.
Listens:
673
Who:
Core 1
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
144
Who:
Wheatley
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
203
Who:
Wheatley
Aggggh!
Listens:
153
Who:
Wheatley
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
13593
Who:
Caroline
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is penalized
Listens:
188
Who:
GLaDOS
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1435
Who:
Cave Johnson
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
359
Who:
Turret
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1121
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
188
Who:
Wheatley
Hi again!
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
214
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
146
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
141
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
223
Who:
Wheatley
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
663
Who:
Core 1
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
396
Who:
Defective Turret
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
3522
Who:
Core 3
You win.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
Egotistical.
Listens:
143
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1029
Who:
Wheatley
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Defective Turret
Space!
Listens:
1977
Who:
Core 1
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
831
Who:
Defective Turret
Chronically late.
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
147
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
206
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
154
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1215
Who:
Cave Johnson
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
203
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
1809
Who:
Wheatley
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
143
Who:
GLaDOS
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
You asked for this!
Listens:
195
Who:
Defective Turret
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
913
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1190
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 1
Door?
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1325
Who:
Wheatley
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
184
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1388
Who:
Turret
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
626
Who:
Announcer
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
19769
Who:
Announcer
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
186
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1126
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Caroline
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 3
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
Activated
Listens:
1651
Who:
Turret
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
50226
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
3613
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah!
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
199
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
2834
Who:
Core 1
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
2635
Who:
Announcer
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
2614
Who:
Cave Johnson
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
947
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
803
Who:
Turret
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
143
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
494
Who:
Announcer
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
