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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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No can do.
Listens:
323
Who:
Defective Turret
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1404
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1565
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Here, let me get that for you.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5367
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1269
Who:
Caroline
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2028
Who:
Defective Turret
Never completes work.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
806
Who:
Wheatley
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1215
Who:
GLaDOS
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1060
Who:
Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
916
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
2550
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
935
Who:
Announcer
Okay, this way
Listens:
232
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
572
Who:
Turret
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
459
Who:
Core 2
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Busybody.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3510
Who:
GLaDOS
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Get mad!
Listens:
30841
Who:
Turret
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
787
Who:
Turret
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1432
Who:
Cave Johnson
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1411
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
387
Who:
Defective Turret
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2517
Who:
Core 1
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
667
Who:
Core 3
Blue receives
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
932
Who:
Core 1
Sorry.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
690
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
102738
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
886
Who:
Wheatley
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2539
Who:
Announcer
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
2374
Who:
Announcer
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1456
Who:
Turret
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
233
Who:
Wheatley
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
967
Who:
Core 1
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1288
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1229
Who:
Defective Turret
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3252
Who:
Announcer
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
787
Who:
Wheatley
I'm trouble.
Listens:
327
Who:
Defective Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
981
Who:
Announcer
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
890
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
816
Who:
Wheatley
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1557
Who:
Wheatley
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
16928
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's my big chance!
Listens:
923
Who:
Defective Turret
What's going on?
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2466
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2135
Who:
Turret
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6224
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5311
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2664
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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