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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
70343
Who:
GLaDOS
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
3173
Who:
Announcer
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
987
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Wheatley
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
941
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1537
Who:
Wheatley
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5823
Who:
Core 3
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1698
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4156
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5088
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2843
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 1
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on in there?
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Ungh!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1094
Who:
Defective Turret
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
477
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you two doing?
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
808
Who:
Wheatley
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
1405
Who:
Defective Turret
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1410
Who:
Turret
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5080
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2327
Who:
Defective Turret
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1503
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
711
Who:
Core 3
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20405
Who:
Wheatley
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2302
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2486
Who:
Turret
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6923
Who:
Defective Turret
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
1008
Who:
Cave Johnson
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6581
Who:
Core 3
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir!
Listens:
3955
Who:
Caroline
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4998
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1608
Who:
Cave Johnson
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2340
Who:
Defective Turret
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
That's the spirit!
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1308
Who:
Core 1
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
942
Who:
Turret
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
47908
Who:
GLaDOS
Chews with mouth open.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Core 3
Can't breathe...
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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