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Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
2585
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
2789
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want this!
Listens:
14974
Who:
Caroline
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
NOT a team player.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1165
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1799
Who:
Core 2
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
171
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
180
Who:
Wheatley
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
228
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
This isn't fair!
Listens:
404
Who:
Defective Turret
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
259
Who:
Defective Turret
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
1849
Who:
GLaDOS
There it is.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Unconstructive.
Listens:
161
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
2927
Who:
Wheatley
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
773
Who:
Core 1
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
241
Who:
Defective Turret
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
486
Who:
Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
432
Who:
Core 3
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1621
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1006
Who:
Wheatley
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1699
Who:
Announcer
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
2581
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1607
Who:
Turret
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I help you?
Listens:
570
Who:
Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
239
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
2618
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1238
Who:
Announcer
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
409
Who:
Turret
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
149
Who:
GLaDOS
The end.
Listens:
1073
Who:
GLaDOS
Anxious.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
161
Who:
Wheatley
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
199
Who:
Wheatley
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
3656
Who:
Core 3
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1134
Who:
GLaDOS
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
154
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
480
Who:
Turret
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
Okay!
Listens:
230
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
189
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
435
Who:
Core 2
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
222
Who:
Wheatley
Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.
Listens:
155
Who:
GLaDOS
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
825
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
1789
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
528
Who:
Turret
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
1882
Who:
Wheatley
Be careful!
Listens:
150
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
377
Who:
Turret
Do not press that button!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Core 1
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
204
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
20963
Who:
Core 1
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
167
Who:
GLaDOS
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
653
Who:
Core 3
For your test.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
696
Who:
Core 1
That's not funny.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
156
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
180
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
873
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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