Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
518157
Who:
Cave Johnson
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
518157
Who:
GLaDOS
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
434356
Who:
Core 1
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
354851
Who:
Core 1
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
283453
Who:
Core 1
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
212507
Who:
Announcer
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
147832
Who:
Core 1
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
116956
Who:
Wheatley
Like the potato!
Listens:
105087
Who:
Defective Turret
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
103693
Who:
Wheatley
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
93347
Who:
Cave Johnson
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
78060
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
64764
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
64233
Who:
Core 2
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
64228
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
61730
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
56152
Who:
Defective Turret
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
53169
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
48936
Who:
Core 1
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
47978
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
47364
Who:
Announcer
Lawl
Listens:
42323
Who:
Turret
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
39869
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
37324
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
35098
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
33176
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
30806
Who:
Turret
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
29089
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
24035
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
23562
Who:
GLaDOS
SPAAACE!
Listens:
23539
Who:
Core 1
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
23126
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
23002
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
22945
Who:
GLaDOS
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
21823
Who:
Wheatley
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
21493
Who:
Cave Johnson
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
21401
Who:
Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
19398
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still there?
Listens:
19172
Who:
Turret
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
19010
Who:
Core 1
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
17483
Who:
Core 2
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
16937
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
16870
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
16731
Who:
GLaDOS
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Listens:
16019
Who:
Cave Johnson
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
14727
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
14661
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
14622
Who:
GLaDOS
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
14443
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
13872
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh]
Listens:
13833
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
13666
Who:
Core 2
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
13186
Who:
GLaDOS
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
12944
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
12407
Who:
Caroline
Get mad!
Listens:
11869
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
11803
Who:
Core 1
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
11754
Who:
Wheatley
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
11741
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
11275
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
10990
Who:
Core 1
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
10506
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
10498
Who:
Caroline
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
10428
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
10338
Who:
Announcer
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
10106
Who:
GLaDOS
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
9986
Who:
Caroline
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
9915
Who:
Wheatley
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
9796
Who:
Wheatley
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
9790
Who:
Announcer
I don't want this!
Listens:
9414
Who:
Caroline
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
9228
Who:
Wheatley
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
9196
Who:
Turret
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
9149
Who:
Cave Johnson
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
8966
Who:
Announcer
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
8933
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't blame you
Listens:
8913
Who:
Turret
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
8734
Who:
Cave Johnson
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
8549
Who:
Core 1
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
8361
Who:
GLaDOS
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
8186
Who:
Caroline
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
8093
Who:
Turret
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
7944
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
7681
Who:
Turret
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
7675
Who:
GLaDOS
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
7564
Who:
Cave Johnson
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
7470
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
7464
Who:
Defective Turret
Space? SPACE!
Listens:
7441
Who:
Core 1
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
7439
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
7434
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
7423
Who:
Core 1
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
7407
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
7405
Who:
Announcer
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
7405
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
7405
Who:
Core 2
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
7405
Who:
Defective Turret
SPACE!
Listens:
7404
Who:
Wheatley
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
7403
Who:
Core 1
[clap clap]
Listens:
7403
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
