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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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What do you think?
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
944
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
943
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
939
Who:
Core 1
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
938
Who:
Core 1
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
931
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
929
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
927
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
924
Who:
Caroline
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
924
Who:
Wheatley
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
That's not funny.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
915
Who:
Core 1
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
911
Who:
Cave Johnson
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
910
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
910
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
896
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
893
Who:
Core 1
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
890
Who:
Wheatley
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
888
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
888
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
885
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 1
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
877
Who:
Core 1
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
868
Who:
Core 1
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
858
Who:
Wheatley
The end.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
848
Who:
Core 2
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
847
Who:
Core 2
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
846
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Unknown error
Listens:
834
Who:
Turret
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
827
Who:
Core 1
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
824
Who:
Defective Turret
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 3
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 3
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
809
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
807
Who:
Announcer
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
806
Who:
Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
798
Who:
Caroline
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
797
Who:
Core 3
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
796
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
794
Who:
Core 1
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
791
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
791
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello there!
Listens:
790
Who:
Defective Turret
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
788
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
786
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
783
Who:
Announcer
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 3
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
782
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
780
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
778
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
773
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
773
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
772
Who:
Caroline
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
771
Who:
Core 3
Ah!
Listens:
770
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
769
Who:
Caroline
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
767
Who:
Announcer
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
767
Who:
Wheatley
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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