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Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1078
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1077
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1077
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1073
Who:
Core 2
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1072
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Announcer
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1066
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Cave Johnson
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1063
Who:
Cave Johnson
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Wheatley
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1054
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1050
Who:
Core 1
What do you think?
Listens:
1043
Who:
Wheatley
Unknown error
Listens:
1040
Who:
Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1037
Who:
GLaDOS
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1033
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Caroline
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1029
Who:
Core 1
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1029
Who:
Defective Turret
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1023
Who:
Wheatley
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1021
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Wheatley
The end.
Listens:
1019
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1018
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1017
Who:
Cave Johnson
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1008
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Core 1
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1002
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
997
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
989
Who:
Wheatley
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
986
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
985
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
984
Who:
Core 1
Hello there!
Listens:
983
Who:
Defective Turret
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
980
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
978
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
977
Who:
Turret
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
968
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
965
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
958
Who:
Announcer
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
954
Who:
Announcer
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
952
Who:
Announcer
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
947
Who:
Core 1
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
943
Who:
Wheatley
Ah!
Listens:
940
Who:
Core 1
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
938
Who:
Defective Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
933
Who:
Core 2
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
931
Who:
Wheatley
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
921
Who:
Wheatley
Failure...
Listens:
920
Who:
Turret
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
916
Who:
Core 3
Die!
Listens:
914
Who:
Defective Turret
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
911
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
910
Who:
Caroline
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
909
Who:
Core 3
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
909
Who:
Core 2
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
908
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
903
Who:
Core 3
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
899
Who:
Announcer
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
894
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
892
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
892
Who:
Core 1
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
892
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
891
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
888
Who:
Caroline
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
888
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
887
Who:
Core 3
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
887
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
884
Who:
Announcer
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
883
Who:
Announcer
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
883
Who:
Turret
Sir, the test.
Listens:
880
Who:
Caroline
Press the button!
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
877
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
877
Who:
Wheatley
Sir!
Listens:
875
Who:
Caroline
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
874
Who:
Core 3
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
872
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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