Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Core 1
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1170
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Cave Johnson
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Core 3
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1168
Who:
Core 2
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1164
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1161
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Core 1
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1156
Who:
Core 3
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1155
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1151
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1150
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1148
Who:
Announcer
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1148
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Cave Johnson
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Core 3
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1142
Who:
Announcer
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1141
Who:
Core 3
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Cave Johnson
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1136
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1134
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Core 1
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1126
Who:
GLaDOS
Unknown error
Listens:
1126
Who:
Turret
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1120
Who:
Core 2
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ah!
Listens:
1112
Who:
Core 1
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Wheatley
The end.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Core 2
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1103
Who:
Caroline
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1103
Who:
Core 1
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1092
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1091
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello there!
Listens:
1090
Who:
Defective Turret
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1089
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1089
Who:
Wheatley
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1087
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1084
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1084
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1083
Who:
Turret
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Announcer
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1074
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1073
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1072
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1069
Who:
Wheatley
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1067
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Wheatley
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1064
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1061
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1061
Who:
GLaDOS
Die!
Listens:
1059
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1052
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1051
Who:
Wheatley
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1049
Who:
Wheatley
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Announcer
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1040
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1033
Who:
Announcer
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1027
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1025
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1020
Who:
Turret
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1017
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1001
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
997
Who:
Core 1
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
994
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
990
Who:
Wheatley
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
988
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
985
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
985
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
985
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
979
Who:
Caroline
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
970
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
968
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
968
Who:
Wheatley
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
968
Who:
Defective Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
966
Who:
Wheatley
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
965
Who:
Core 2
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
962
Who:
Announcer
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
962
Who:
Caroline
Sir, the test.
Listens:
962
Who:
Caroline
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
961
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
961
Who:
Wheatley
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
960
Who:
Core 3
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
958
Who:
Cave Johnson
Press the button!
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
958
Who:
Defective Turret
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
957
Who:
Announcer
New template accepted.
Listens:
956
Who:
Announcer
Space!
Listens:
956
Who:
Core 1
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
953
Who:
Caroline
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
953
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
