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Portal 2
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If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
983
Who:
Cave Johnson
What do you think?
Listens:
982
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
980
Who:
Core 1
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
971
Who:
Wheatley
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
969
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
969
Who:
GLaDOS
That's not funny.
Listens:
966
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
964
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
963
Who:
Caroline
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
963
Who:
Wheatley
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
955
Who:
Cave Johnson
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
944
Who:
Core 1
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
943
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
943
Who:
Wheatley
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
934
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
927
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
924
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
922
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
921
Who:
Core 1
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
919
Who:
Core 1
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
914
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
908
Who:
Core 1
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
The end.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
896
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
891
Who:
Wheatley
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
889
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
889
Who:
Defective Turret
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
889
Who:
Defective Turret
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
887
Who:
Core 2
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
883
Who:
Wheatley
Unknown error
Listens:
881
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
871
Who:
Core 2
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
870
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
864
Who:
Core 1
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
863
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
857
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
851
Who:
Announcer
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
849
Who:
Core 3
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
846
Who:
Wheatley
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
842
Who:
Announcer
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
842
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
842
Who:
Turret
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 3
Hello there!
Listens:
839
Who:
Defective Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
836
Who:
Core 3
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
834
Who:
Caroline
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
830
Who:
Core 1
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
830
Who:
Wheatley
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
826
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
822
Who:
Core 1
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
821
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
821
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
819
Who:
Announcer
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah!
Listens:
817
Who:
Core 1
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
816
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
814
Who:
Caroline
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
814
Who:
Core 3
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
812
Who:
Cave Johnson
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
812
Who:
Core 3
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
808
Who:
Caroline
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
808
Who:
Core 3
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
806
Who:
Announcer
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
806
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
803
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 3
Press the button!
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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