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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Dispensing product
Listens:
967
Who:
Turret
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
961
Who:
Wheatley
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
958
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
949
Who:
Core 1
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
948
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
946
Who:
Caroline
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
946
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
946
Who:
GLaDOS
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
938
Who:
Cave Johnson
That's not funny.
Listens:
936
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
936
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
936
Who:
Wheatley
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
930
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
927
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
918
Who:
Core 1
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
906
Who:
Core 1
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
904
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
898
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
894
Who:
Core 1
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
893
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
890
Who:
Core 1
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
890
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
876
Who:
Core 2
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
The end.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
874
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
870
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
867
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
860
Who:
Core 2
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Unknown error
Listens:
858
Who:
Turret
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
850
Who:
Core 1
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
839
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
833
Who:
Core 3
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
829
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
829
Who:
Turret
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
828
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
828
Who:
Core 3
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
824
Who:
Core 3
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
823
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
814
Who:
Core 1
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
813
Who:
Caroline
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Hello there!
Listens:
812
Who:
Defective Turret
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
808
Who:
Core 1
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
808
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
803
Who:
Announcer
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
802
Who:
Announcer
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
799
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 3
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
799
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
798
Who:
Caroline
Blah.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
796
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
794
Who:
Caroline
Ah!
Listens:
794
Who:
Core 1
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
793
Who:
Core 3
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
785
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
784
Who:
Announcer
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
779
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
777
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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