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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
10805
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
10100
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
10053
Who:
Announcer
Shutting down
Listens:
9950
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
9462
Who:
Announcer
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
9151
Who:
Core 1
I don't hate you
Listens:
9117
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
8430
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
8207
Who:
Defective Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8165
Who:
Announcer
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8072
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
7951
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
7573
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
7467
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
7430
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7222
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7073
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
6811
Who:
Core 3
SHUT UP!
Listens:
6756
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
6716
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
6713
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
6667
Who:
Announcer
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
6663
Who:
Caroline
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
6611
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
6454
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
6238
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6168
Who:
Core 2
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
5992
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
5863
Who:
Cave Johnson
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
5850
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5519
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
5496
Who:
Turret
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5389
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5269
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye
Listens:
5109
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5072
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
4885
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
4853
Who:
Wheatley
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
4721
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
4686
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
4670
Who:
Core 3
Is anyone there?
Listens:
4669
Who:
Turret
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
4666
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
4653
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
4650
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
4565
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4536
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
4484
Who:
Announcer
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
4434
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4434
Who:
Core 2
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
4424
Who:
Turret
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
4369
Who:
Defective Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
4354
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
4314
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4301
Who:
Cave Johnson
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4290
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4273
Who:
Core 3
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
4230
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4225
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4185
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4113
Who:
Core 1
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4028
Who:
GLaDOS
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
3998
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
3972
Who:
Defective Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
3959
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
3914
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
3862
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
3851
Who:
Announcer
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
3806
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
3770
Who:
Defective Turret
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
3732
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
3719
Who:
Turret
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
3711
Who:
Announcer
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
3703
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
3651
Who:
Announcer
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
3640
Who:
Cave Johnson
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
3614
Who:
Core 1
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
3603
Who:
Core 1
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
3581
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
3580
Who:
Announcer
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
3579
Who:
Cave Johnson
Surprise.
Listens:
3570
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
3530
Who:
Turret
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
3493
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
3482
Who:
Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
3473
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
3471
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
3438
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3418
Who:
Core 1
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
3404
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
3340
Who:
Turret
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
3327
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3327
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3313
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3297
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3295
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
3290
Who:
GLaDOS
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
3289
Who:
Core 3
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
3286
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
3282
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
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