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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
14822
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
13585
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12963
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
12918
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11967
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
11725
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11697
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
10933
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10858
Who:
Core 1
SHUT UP!
Listens:
10853
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
10497
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
9963
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
9918
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
9755
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9631
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9416
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9409
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9342
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
9018
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
8296
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8206
Who:
Caroline
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
8131
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
8013
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7932
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7855
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7768
Who:
Core 3
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7655
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7466
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7458
Who:
Core 1
Target acquired.
Listens:
7400
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6934
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6923
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6799
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6431
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
6424
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6198
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6142
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6131
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6115
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6095
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
6060
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
6051
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6033
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5948
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5863
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5855
Who:
Announcer
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5756
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5688
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5657
Who:
Core 1
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5635
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5587
Who:
Defective Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5585
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5557
Who:
Core 3
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5492
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5472
Who:
Wheatley
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5448
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5439
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5378
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5350
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5308
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5272
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5265
Who:
Announcer
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5209
Who:
Core 1
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5184
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5138
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
5130
Who:
Announcer
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5088
Who:
Core 2
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4975
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4959
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4959
Who:
Turret
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4956
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4953
Who:
Core 2
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4939
Who:
Core 3
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4914
Who:
Announcer
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
4902
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
4885
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4835
Who:
Announcer
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4835
Who:
Core 1
Surprise.
Listens:
4826
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4802
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4755
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
4723
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4699
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
4684
Who:
Defective Turret
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4640
Who:
Core 1
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4621
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
4587
Who:
Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4567
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4559
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4557
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4534
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4504
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4486
Who:
Announcer
Yeah!
Listens:
4481
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
4449
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
4402
Who:
Turret
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4354
Who:
Cave Johnson
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4353
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4245
Who:
Core 1
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
4219
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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