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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
12879
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
11670
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
11449
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
10880
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
10710
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
10626
Who:
Announcer
I don't hate you
Listens:
9924
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
9781
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9197
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
8919
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8781
Who:
Wheatley
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8669
Who:
Announcer
I hate you so much.
Listens:
8631
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
8578
Who:
Turret
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8571
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
7979
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7641
Who:
Caroline
SHUT UP!
Listens:
7638
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7444
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7283
Who:
Announcer
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7246
Who:
Core 3
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7230
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7201
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
7108
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
7073
Who:
Turret
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
6984
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
6843
Who:
Core 1
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
6668
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6486
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6305
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6239
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
6197
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5770
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5684
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5664
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye
Listens:
5649
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5510
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5337
Who:
Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5336
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
5271
Who:
Core 1
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5198
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5152
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5149
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5128
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5081
Who:
Announcer
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5048
Who:
Core 3
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5019
Who:
Turret
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
4985
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
4985
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
4849
Who:
Defective Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
4842
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
4796
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4790
Who:
Core 2
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4736
Who:
Wheatley
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
4729
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
4719
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4654
Who:
Core 2
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4653
Who:
Cave Johnson
Nonononononono!
Listens:
4617
Who:
Defective Turret
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4561
Who:
Core 3
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4526
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
4526
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4524
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4448
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4432
Who:
Wheatley
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4383
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4365
Who:
Core 1
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4299
Who:
Turret
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4249
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4214
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4203
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4202
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4172
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4139
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4130
Who:
Announcer
Surprise.
Listens:
4118
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4107
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
4082
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
3995
Who:
Turret
Critical error
Listens:
3988
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
3963
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
3950
Who:
Core 1
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
3943
Who:
Announcer
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
3943
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
3915
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
3904
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
3897
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
3855
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
3797
Who:
Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
3753
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3719
Who:
Core 1
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
3703
Who:
GLaDOS
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
3699
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3691
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3686
Who:
Wheatley
Alalalawl
Listens:
3686
Who:
Turret
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3636
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3621
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
3615
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
3612
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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