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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
15935
Who:
Core 2
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
14594
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
13773
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
13632
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
12623
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
12477
Who:
Wheatley
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
12462
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
12339
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
11519
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11313
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
11117
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
10705
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
10621
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
10568
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9968
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9818
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9747
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9672
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
9445
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
8940
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
8589
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8505
Who:
Caroline
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
8497
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8241
Who:
Cave Johnson
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
8207
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8196
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8039
Who:
Core 3
Target acquired.
Listens:
7917
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7735
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7685
Who:
Caroline
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7267
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
7170
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7128
Who:
Core 2
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7057
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6853
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
6772
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6602
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6552
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6496
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
6455
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6401
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6327
Who:
Cave Johnson
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
6321
Who:
Announcer
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6283
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6273
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6254
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6156
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6081
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6041
Who:
Defective Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6034
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5990
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5888
Who:
Core 1
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5861
Who:
Defective Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5841
Who:
Core 3
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5832
Who:
Announcer
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5825
Who:
Defective Turret
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5810
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5794
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5787
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5690
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
5611
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
5599
Who:
Announcer
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5537
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5512
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5510
Who:
Cave Johnson
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5474
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
5446
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5441
Who:
Cave Johnson
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
5375
Who:
Announcer
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5315
Who:
Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5296
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5232
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5202
Who:
Announcer
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5199
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5196
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5193
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5181
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
5141
Who:
Defective Turret
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5137
Who:
Core 3
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5095
Who:
Core 2
Goodnight
Listens:
5089
Who:
Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5053
Who:
Wheatley
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5035
Who:
Core 1
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5031
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4997
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
4926
Who:
Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4924
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4924
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4924
Who:
Turret
[Laughter]
Listens:
4887
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4876
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4850
Who:
Core 1
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4784
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
4775
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4762
Who:
Announcer
Yeah!
Listens:
4752
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4677
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4636
Who:
Cave Johnson
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
4616
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
4542
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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