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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
14453
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
13189
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12730
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
12439
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11761
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
11517
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11504
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
10725
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10685
Who:
Core 1
SHUT UP!
Listens:
10535
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
10256
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
9764
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
9646
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9477
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
9430
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9290
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9246
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9071
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8879
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8103
Who:
Caroline
Hello?
Listens:
8047
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7972
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7864
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7820
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7712
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7657
Who:
Core 3
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7453
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7377
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7369
Who:
Caroline
Target acquired.
Listens:
7165
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6838
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6785
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6695
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6257
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
6171
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6076
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6036
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6010
Who:
Cave Johnson
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5999
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5962
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
5920
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5853
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5809
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5803
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5719
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5698
Who:
Announcer
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5594
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5583
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5577
Who:
Core 1
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5473
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5468
Who:
Core 3
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5457
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5410
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5386
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5359
Who:
Wheatley
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5295
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5290
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5242
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5211
Who:
Cave Johnson
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5135
Who:
Core 1
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5128
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5118
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5087
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5075
Who:
Announcer
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5040
Who:
Core 2
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4999
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4958
Who:
Announcer
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4896
Who:
Core 2
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4871
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4870
Who:
Core 3
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4864
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4811
Who:
Turret
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
4806
Who:
Wheatley
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4761
Who:
Core 1
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4750
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4707
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
4700
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
4673
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4632
Who:
Wheatley
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4605
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4584
Who:
Turret
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4575
Who:
Core 1
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4559
Who:
Announcer
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4550
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
4502
Who:
Defective Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4498
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4465
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
4464
Who:
Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4418
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4389
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
4374
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4358
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
4354
Who:
Turret
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4332
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
4276
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4254
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alalalawl
Listens:
4245
Who:
Turret
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4241
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4156
Who:
Core 1
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
4114
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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