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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
13984
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
12540
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12406
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11516
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
11410
Who:
Announcer
Shutting down
Listens:
11273
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11245
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
10505
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10449
Who:
Core 1
SHUT UP!
Listens:
10308
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9928
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
9488
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
9366
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9288
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
9143
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9138
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9054
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8924
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8697
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7978
Who:
Caroline
Hello?
Listens:
7795
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7778
Who:
Announcer
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7726
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7684
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7564
Who:
Core 3
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7551
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7260
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7244
Who:
Core 1
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7234
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
6963
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6731
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6637
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6553
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6099
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5961
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5933
Who:
Wheatley
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5913
Who:
Turret
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5911
Who:
Cave Johnson
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5874
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5775
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
5743
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5699
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5690
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5597
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5567
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5490
Who:
Announcer
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5484
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5474
Who:
Core 1
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5413
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5362
Who:
Core 3
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5340
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5331
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5257
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5253
Who:
Defective Turret
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5202
Who:
Defective Turret
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5132
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5124
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5114
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5085
Who:
Cave Johnson
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5032
Who:
Core 1
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4974
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4967
Who:
Core 2
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4953
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4881
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4861
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4824
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4812
Who:
Core 2
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4789
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4786
Who:
Core 3
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4741
Who:
Announcer
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4703
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
4691
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4667
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4659
Who:
Core 1
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4544
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
4536
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4531
Who:
Announcer
Surprise.
Listens:
4514
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4502
Who:
Wheatley
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4494
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4470
Who:
Core 1
Goodnight
Listens:
4454
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4422
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4400
Who:
Announcer
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4388
Who:
GLaDOS
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4384
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
4331
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
4324
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
4292
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4261
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4245
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4233
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
4196
Who:
Turret
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4192
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4150
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4148
Who:
Cave Johnson
[Laughter]
Listens:
4139
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
4048
Who:
Turret
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4037
Who:
Core 1
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3996
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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