Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
12650
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
11571
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
11266
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
10772
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
10601
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
10473
Who:
Announcer
I don't hate you
Listens:
9805
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
9695
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9016
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
8863
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8672
Who:
Wheatley
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8594
Who:
Announcer
I hate you so much.
Listens:
8555
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8506
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
8397
Who:
Turret
Good!
Listens:
7895
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7584
Who:
Caroline
SHUT UP!
Listens:
7518
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7402
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7197
Who:
Core 3
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7188
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7169
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7147
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
7068
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
6949
Who:
Caroline
Hello?
Listens:
6934
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
6794
Who:
Core 1
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
6547
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6439
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6233
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6184
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
6078
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5743
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5641
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5603
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye
Listens:
5543
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5444
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5261
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5234
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
5172
Who:
Core 1
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5155
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5086
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5075
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5069
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5004
Who:
Announcer
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
4987
Who:
Core 3
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
4936
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
4921
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
4921
Who:
Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
4781
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
4777
Who:
Defective Turret
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4756
Who:
Core 2
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
4753
Who:
Cave Johnson
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
4674
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4665
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
4647
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4627
Who:
Core 2
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4598
Who:
Cave Johnson
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4526
Who:
Core 3
Nonononononono!
Listens:
4519
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4484
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4474
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
4400
Who:
Defective Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4354
Who:
Announcer
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4347
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4336
Who:
Wheatley
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4323
Who:
Core 1
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4205
Who:
Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4165
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4160
Who:
Announcer
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4154
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4132
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4116
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4072
Who:
Announcer
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4055
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4048
Who:
Turret
Surprise.
Listens:
4044
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
3984
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
3925
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
3915
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
3909
Who:
Core 1
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
3896
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
3896
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
3886
Who:
Announcer
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
3882
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
3872
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
3858
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
3811
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
3713
Who:
Turret
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3665
Who:
Core 1
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3655
Who:
Wheatley
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
3654
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
3640
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
3634
Who:
Announcer
Alalalawl
Listens:
3609
Who:
Turret
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3600
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3594
Who:
Wheatley
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
3568
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3565
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
3556
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
