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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
13292
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
11979
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
11896
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11156
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
10956
Who:
Announcer
Shutting down
Listens:
10940
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
10136
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
9943
Who:
Core 1
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
9520
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9471
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9053
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
8910
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
8844
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8813
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8717
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8146
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
7905
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7785
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7571
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7520
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7411
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7391
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
7358
Who:
Turret
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7346
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
7210
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7080
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
6952
Who:
Core 1
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
6906
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
6655
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6578
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6446
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6366
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5847
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye
Listens:
5819
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5773
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5767
Who:
Cave Johnson
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5662
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5503
Who:
Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5479
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
5405
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5392
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5329
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5328
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5309
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5241
Who:
Announcer
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5236
Who:
Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5175
Who:
Core 3
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5157
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5129
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5082
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5003
Who:
Defective Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
4996
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
4905
Who:
Cave Johnson
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
4866
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4862
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4857
Who:
Core 2
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
4848
Who:
Defective Turret
Nonononononono!
Listens:
4800
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4774
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4719
Who:
Core 2
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4658
Who:
Core 3
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4643
Who:
Announcer
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4634
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4632
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4549
Who:
Wheatley
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4514
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4505
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4445
Who:
Core 1
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4413
Who:
Announcer
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4407
Who:
Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4323
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
4323
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4321
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4299
Who:
Announcer
Surprise.
Listens:
4294
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4273
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4248
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4232
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
4143
Who:
Turret
I don't understand!
Listens:
4133
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4078
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4071
Who:
Announcer
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4062
Who:
Announcer
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4043
Who:
GLaDOS
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
4033
Who:
Core 1
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
3999
Who:
Core 1
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
3997
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
3988
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
3978
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
3960
Who:
Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
3915
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
3817
Who:
Turret
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3813
Who:
Core 1
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3806
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3798
Who:
Wheatley
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
3792
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
3790
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3752
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3725
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
3706
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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