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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
14172
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
12909
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12526
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11623
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
11596
Who:
Announcer
Shutting down
Listens:
11377
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11357
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
10615
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10550
Who:
Core 1
SHUT UP!
Listens:
10403
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
10073
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
9618
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
9511
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9365
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
9244
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9204
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9121
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8984
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8777
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8025
Who:
Caroline
Hello?
Listens:
7910
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7861
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7762
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7762
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7614
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7599
Who:
Core 3
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7341
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7310
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7297
Who:
Core 1
Target acquired.
Listens:
7052
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6776
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6691
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6616
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6182
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
6023
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5993
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5992
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5958
Who:
Cave Johnson
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5921
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5859
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
5805
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5773
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5734
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5659
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5658
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5575
Who:
Announcer
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5542
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5532
Who:
Core 1
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5496
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5395
Who:
Core 3
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5393
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5382
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5310
Who:
Defective Turret
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5303
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5290
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5202
Who:
Defective Turret
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5195
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5159
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5135
Who:
Cave Johnson
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5086
Who:
Core 1
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5046
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5005
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5002
Who:
Core 2
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4967
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4948
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4890
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4844
Who:
Core 2
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4839
Who:
Announcer
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4821
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4815
Who:
Core 3
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4776
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
4735
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4733
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4698
Who:
Core 1
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4620
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
4610
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4601
Who:
Announcer
Surprise.
Listens:
4571
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4563
Who:
Wheatley
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4553
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4529
Who:
Turret
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4518
Who:
Core 1
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4495
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4470
Who:
Announcer
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4428
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4418
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
4401
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't understand!
Listens:
4393
Who:
Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
4326
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4320
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4309
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4285
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
4272
Who:
Turret
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4256
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4196
Who:
Cave Johnson
[Laughter]
Listens:
4195
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4185
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alalalawl
Listens:
4127
Who:
Turret
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4088
Who:
Core 1
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
4038
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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