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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
15303
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
14093
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
13355
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
13279
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
12224
Who:
Wheatley
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
12063
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
12015
Who:
Turret
SHUT UP!
Listens:
11916
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
11211
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11044
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
10796
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
10294
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
10269
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
10165
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9785
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9601
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9537
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9518
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
9208
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
8581
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
8350
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8350
Who:
Caroline
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
8213
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8060
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8051
Who:
Cave Johnson
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7939
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7899
Who:
Core 3
Target acquired.
Listens:
7656
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7589
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7562
Who:
Caroline
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7079
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7023
Who:
Core 2
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6922
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
6849
Who:
Turret
Goodbye
Listens:
6630
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
6394
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6363
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6339
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6304
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
6241
Who:
Core 1
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6206
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6191
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6187
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6087
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
6070
Who:
Announcer
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6054
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5951
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5849
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5813
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5784
Who:
Defective Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5776
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5761
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5686
Who:
Core 3
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5649
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5625
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5612
Who:
Defective Turret
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5603
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5565
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5563
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5506
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5414
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5404
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
5347
Who:
Announcer
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5324
Who:
Core 1
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
5323
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5309
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5307
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5149
Who:
Core 2
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
5140
Who:
Announcer
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5133
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5122
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
5094
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5055
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5024
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5019
Who:
Core 2
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5015
Who:
Core 3
Surprise.
Listens:
5013
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4992
Who:
Announcer
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4983
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4928
Who:
Core 1
Goodnight
Listens:
4905
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
4892
Who:
Defective Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4870
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4840
Who:
GLaDOS
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4775
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
4747
Who:
Turret
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4741
Who:
Core 1
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4712
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4703
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4691
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
4686
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4682
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4662
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4638
Who:
Announcer
Yeah!
Listens:
4606
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
4574
Who:
Turret
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4513
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4475
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4363
Who:
Core 1
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
4351
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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