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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
13128
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
11847
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
11657
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11040
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
10833
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
10783
Who:
Announcer
I don't hate you
Listens:
10031
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
9853
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9366
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
8993
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8959
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
8781
Who:
Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8740
Who:
Announcer
I hate you so much.
Listens:
8733
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8656
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8070
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
7804
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7713
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7506
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7402
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7339
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7315
Who:
Core 3
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7282
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
7244
Who:
Turret
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
7168
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7034
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
6889
Who:
Core 1
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
6795
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6536
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6381
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
6327
Who:
Turret
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6309
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5814
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye
Listens:
5754
Who:
Turret
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5730
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5717
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5587
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5427
Who:
Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5416
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
5340
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5311
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5252
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5252
Who:
Wheatley
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5251
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5159
Who:
Announcer
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5134
Who:
Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5114
Who:
Core 3
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5079
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5075
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5041
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
4940
Who:
Defective Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
4928
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
4848
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4822
Who:
Core 2
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4807
Who:
Wheatley
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
4801
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
4724
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4717
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4686
Who:
Core 2
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
4665
Who:
Defective Turret
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4610
Who:
Core 3
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4590
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4582
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4542
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4504
Who:
Wheatley
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4466
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4407
Who:
Core 1
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4369
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4354
Who:
Turret
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4328
Who:
Announcer
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4260
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4256
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4245
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
4241
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
4226
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4208
Who:
Announcer
Goodnight
Listens:
4208
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4169
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
4082
Who:
Turret
I don't understand!
Listens:
4059
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4020
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4005
Who:
Announcer
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
3996
Who:
GLaDOS
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
3987
Who:
Core 1
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
3968
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
3954
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
3939
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
3925
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
3896
Who:
Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
3879
Who:
Announcer
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
3824
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3771
Who:
Core 1
Alalalawl
Listens:
3767
Who:
Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3762
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3761
Who:
Wheatley
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
3751
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
3713
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3691
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3676
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
3659
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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