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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
13715
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
12376
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12268
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11391
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
11250
Who:
Announcer
Shutting down
Listens:
11185
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11140
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
10384
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10349
Who:
Core 1
SHUT UP!
Listens:
10189
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9757
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
9382
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
9255
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9195
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
9048
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8977
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8850
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8620
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7910
Who:
Caroline
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7708
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
7675
Who:
Turret
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7670
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7590
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7500
Who:
Core 3
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7478
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
7329
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7186
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7142
Who:
Core 1
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7142
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
6869
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6665
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6572
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6488
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6009
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5917
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5875
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5863
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5798
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5791
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5681
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
5638
Who:
Core 1
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5619
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5605
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5523
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5488
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5426
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5417
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5403
Who:
Announcer
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5335
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5298
Who:
Core 3
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5259
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5246
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5199
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5164
Who:
Defective Turret
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5070
Who:
Defective Turret
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5026
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5020
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5012
Who:
Cave Johnson
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5003
Who:
Defective Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
4957
Who:
Core 1
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4931
Who:
Core 2
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4895
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4805
Who:
Announcer
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4783
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4778
Who:
Core 2
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4751
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4743
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4737
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4710
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4646
Who:
Announcer
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4639
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
4618
Who:
Wheatley
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4610
Who:
Core 1
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4584
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
4457
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4451
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4446
Who:
Announcer
Surprise.
Listens:
4435
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4432
Who:
Wheatley
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4427
Who:
Core 1
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4424
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4382
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4354
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4342
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4318
Who:
Announcer
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4316
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
4267
Who:
Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
4232
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
4218
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4192
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4177
Who:
Announcer
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4164
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4124
Who:
Turret
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4099
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4094
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4075
Who:
Cave Johnson
[Laughter]
Listens:
4023
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3975
Who:
Core 1
Alalalawl
Listens:
3963
Who:
Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3915
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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