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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
11692
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
10931
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
10211
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
10208
Who:
Announcer
Shutting down
Listens:
10061
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
9573
Who:
Announcer
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
9253
Who:
Core 1
I don't hate you
Listens:
9225
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
8484
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
8348
Who:
Defective Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8224
Who:
Announcer
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8177
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8125
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
7685
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
7639
Who:
Turret
Good!
Listens:
7554
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7296
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7119
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
6880
Who:
Core 3
SHUT UP!
Listens:
6860
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
6794
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
6785
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
6768
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
6731
Who:
Announcer
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
6727
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
6510
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
6366
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6211
Who:
Core 2
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
6082
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
5926
Who:
Cave Johnson
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
5910
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
5614
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5555
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5439
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5338
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye
Listens:
5198
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5139
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
4943
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
4898
Who:
Wheatley
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
4788
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
4778
Who:
Core 1
Is anyone there?
Listens:
4778
Who:
Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
4735
Who:
Core 3
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
4721
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
4718
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
4692
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
4621
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4576
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
4562
Who:
Announcer
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
4514
Who:
Turret
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
4493
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4475
Who:
Core 2
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
4442
Who:
Defective Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
4418
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4389
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
4364
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4351
Who:
Cave Johnson
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
4335
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4315
Who:
Core 3
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4269
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4226
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4152
Who:
Core 1
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4085
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
4045
Who:
Defective Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
3990
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
3971
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
3914
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
3904
Who:
Announcer
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
3879
Who:
Defective Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
3860
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
3804
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
3796
Who:
Announcer
Goodnight
Listens:
3764
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
3747
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
3717
Who:
Announcer
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
3705
Who:
Core 1
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
3688
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
3681
Who:
Core 1
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
3648
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
3643
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
3642
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
3642
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
3629
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
3598
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
3587
Who:
Turret
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
3570
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
3564
Who:
Turret
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
3505
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3487
Who:
Core 1
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
3466
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
3402
Who:
Turret
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3383
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3368
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
3360
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3349
Who:
Wheatley
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
3345
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3340
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
3331
Who:
Core 1
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
3328
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
3327
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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