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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16237
Who:
Core 2
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
15137
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
15041
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
14226
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
13968
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
13054
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
12959
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
12624
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
11777
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11560
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
11410
Who:
Defective Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
11184
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
11129
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
10994
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10146
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
10063
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9945
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9821
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
9633
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
9291
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
8870
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
8756
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8651
Who:
Caroline
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
8536
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8445
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8367
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8223
Who:
Core 3
Target acquired.
Listens:
8177
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7871
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7820
Who:
Caroline
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7487
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
7432
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
7329
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7262
Who:
Core 2
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7215
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
7077
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6827
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6807
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6734
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6656
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
6641
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
6585
Who:
Announcer
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6511
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6503
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6496
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6449
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6366
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6349
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6304
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6269
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6168
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6102
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6098
Who:
Announcer
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6055
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6051
Who:
Defective Turret
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6047
Who:
Core 1
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6019
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6016
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6011
Who:
Core 3
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
5999
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5904
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
5855
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5750
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
5738
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5694
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
5675
Who:
Announcer
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5622
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5619
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5569
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5522
Who:
Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5453
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5409
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
5384
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5382
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5379
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
5366
Who:
Defective Turret
Surprise.
Listens:
5365
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5337
Who:
Core 2
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5328
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5314
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5279
Who:
Core 3
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5265
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5232
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5183
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5179
Who:
Core 2
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5152
Who:
Core 1
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5134
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5101
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5085
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5072
Who:
Turret
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5064
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4979
Who:
Core 1
Alalalawl
Listens:
4951
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4939
Who:
Announcer
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4899
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
4882
Who:
GLaDOS
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
4854
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4821
Who:
Cave Johnson
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4812
Who:
Cave Johnson
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
4806
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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