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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16376
Who:
Core 2
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
15635
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
15407
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
14629
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14189
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
13340
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
13192
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
12815
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12000
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11719
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
11677
Who:
Defective Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
11546
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
11451
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
11267
Who:
Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
10277
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10277
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10111
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9934
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
9799
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
9510
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9067
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
8944
Who:
Wheatley
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
8799
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8788
Who:
Caroline
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8621
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8473
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
8428
Who:
Turret
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8323
Who:
Core 3
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7959
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7942
Who:
Caroline
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
7673
Who:
Turret
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7657
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
7602
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7347
Who:
Core 2
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7320
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
7242
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6996
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6956
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6879
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6801
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
6788
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
6740
Who:
Announcer
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6686
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6655
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6581
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6569
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6555
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6499
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6494
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6442
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6299
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6282
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6280
Who:
Announcer
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6229
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6217
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6202
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6172
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6161
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6156
Who:
Defective Turret
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6133
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6100
Who:
Core 3
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6067
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
5947
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5920
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
5874
Who:
Announcer
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5797
Who:
GLaDOS
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5713
Who:
Core 1
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5706
Who:
Turret
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5701
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5666
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5592
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5569
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5561
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
5556
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
5538
Who:
Defective Turret
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5533
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5522
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5511
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5453
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5436
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5400
Who:
Core 2
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5352
Who:
Core 3
Goodnight
Listens:
5331
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5317
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5273
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5244
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5233
Who:
Core 2
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5228
Who:
Core 1
[Laughter]
Listens:
5228
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5224
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5189
Who:
Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
5082
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5055
Who:
Announcer
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5046
Who:
Core 1
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5015
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5007
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4988
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
4985
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4949
Who:
Cave Johnson
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4948
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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