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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
13474
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12096
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
12053
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11259
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
11083
Who:
Announcer
Shutting down
Listens:
11052
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
10265
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10071
Who:
Core 1
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
9634
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
9581
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9115
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
9082
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
8930
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
8881
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
8770
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8217
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
8046
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
7848
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7618
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7596
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
7522
Who:
Turret
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7496
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7444
Who:
Core 3
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7410
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
7272
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7120
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7074
Who:
Core 1
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7010
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
6749
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6619
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6498
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6422
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
5903
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5873
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
5820
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5810
Who:
Cave Johnson
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
5728
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
5599
Who:
Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5529
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
5492
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5488
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5395
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5383
Who:
Turret
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5382
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5360
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5317
Who:
Announcer
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5235
Who:
Core 3
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5222
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5190
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5163
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5145
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5077
Who:
Defective Turret
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5004
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
4963
Who:
Cave Johnson
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
4958
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
4946
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4926
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4887
Who:
Core 2
Nonononononono!
Listens:
4886
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4839
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4752
Who:
Core 2
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
4716
Who:
Announcer
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4711
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4697
Who:
Core 3
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4686
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4639
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4615
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4571
Who:
Core 1
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4570
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4507
Who:
Announcer
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4485
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
4373
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4372
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4369
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
4357
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4344
Who:
Announcer
Goodnight
Listens:
4309
Who:
Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4306
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4283
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
4246
Who:
Turret
I don't understand!
Listens:
4195
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
4172
Who:
Core 1
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4169
Who:
Announcer
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4138
Who:
Core 1
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4130
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4124
Who:
Announcer
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4108
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4055
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
4044
Who:
Turret
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4036
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4031
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
3992
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
3934
Who:
Core 1
Alalalawl
Listens:
3889
Who:
Turret
[Laughter]
Listens:
3869
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
3852
Who:
Wheatley
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
3849
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3845
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3803
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3771
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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