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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
15020
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
13803
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
13080
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
13047
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
12055
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
11810
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11798
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
11035
Who:
Turret
SHUT UP!
Listens:
10965
Who:
Wheatley
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10914
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
10620
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
10107
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
10049
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
9885
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9676
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9495
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9441
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9401
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
9085
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
8410
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8250
Who:
Caroline
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
8204
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
8082
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7968
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7917
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7809
Who:
Core 3
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7734
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7501
Who:
Caroline
Target acquired.
Listens:
7501
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7494
Who:
Core 1
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6958
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6956
Who:
Core 2
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6838
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
6570
Who:
Turret
Goodbye
Listens:
6503
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6249
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6218
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6200
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6144
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6138
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
6128
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
6118
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6088
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5999
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5929
Who:
Announcer
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5926
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5822
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5723
Who:
Wheatley
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5699
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5691
Who:
Core 1
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5658
Who:
Defective Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5640
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5594
Who:
Core 3
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5546
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5513
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5505
Who:
Defective Turret
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5487
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5422
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5412
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5348
Who:
Announcer
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5342
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5313
Who:
GLaDOS
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5249
Who:
Core 1
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5231
Who:
Cave Johnson
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
5207
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5200
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5105
Who:
Core 2
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
5099
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5020
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5013
Who:
Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4992
Who:
Announcer
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4984
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4968
Who:
Core 2
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4954
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
4953
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
4943
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4877
Who:
Announcer
Surprise.
Listens:
4877
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4867
Who:
Core 1
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4857
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4818
Who:
Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4800
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
4768
Who:
Defective Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4754
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4677
Who:
Core 1
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4668
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
4640
Who:
Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4610
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4605
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4605
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4604
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4567
Who:
Turret
[Laughter]
Listens:
4537
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4536
Who:
Announcer
Yeah!
Listens:
4518
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
4475
Who:
Turret
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4390
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4385
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4283
Who:
Core 1
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
4259
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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