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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
14642
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
13377
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12847
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
12739
Who:
Announcer
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
11867
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
11630
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11595
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
10824
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10794
Who:
Core 1
SHUT UP!
Listens:
10624
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
10377
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
9856
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
9779
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
9592
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9548
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9361
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9320
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9258
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
8958
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
8167
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8152
Who:
Caroline
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
8049
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7938
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7876
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
7784
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7714
Who:
Core 3
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7553
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7418
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7415
Who:
Caroline
Target acquired.
Listens:
7277
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6882
Who:
Core 2
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6851
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6748
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6338
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
6309
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6132
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6076
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6070
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6049
Who:
Cave Johnson
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6032
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
5996
Who:
Core 1
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5949
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5931
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
5877
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5792
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
5778
Who:
Announcer
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5654
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
5631
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5620
Who:
Core 1
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5548
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5521
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5519
Who:
Core 3
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
5493
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5430
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5412
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5363
Who:
Defective Turret
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5350
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5313
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5259
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5236
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5210
Who:
GLaDOS
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5175
Who:
Core 1
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5165
Who:
Announcer
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5145
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5069
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5068
Who:
Core 2
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
5030
Who:
Announcer
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4933
Who:
Core 2
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
4927
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4915
Who:
Core 3
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4911
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
4868
Who:
Turret
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
4854
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4845
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
4801
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
4793
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
4783
Who:
Announcer
Surprise.
Listens:
4746
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4725
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
4693
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
4640
Who:
Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4639
Who:
Announcer
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4636
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4616
Who:
Core 1
clickclickclick
Listens:
4595
Who:
Defective Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4539
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
4530
Who:
Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4526
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4498
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
4487
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4472
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
4438
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4430
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4408
Who:
Announcer
[Laughter]
Listens:
4357
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
4319
Who:
Turret
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4305
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4298
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4200
Who:
Core 1
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
4168
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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