Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16057
Who:
Core 2
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
14888
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
14030
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
13937
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
13806
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
12903
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
12825
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
12492
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
11655
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11460
Who:
Core 1
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
11288
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
10949
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
10888
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
10820
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10086
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
9965
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
9874
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9767
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
9560
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
9136
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
8767
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
8650
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8597
Who:
Caroline
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
8399
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8355
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8302
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8154
Who:
Core 3
Target acquired.
Listens:
8066
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
7804
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
7757
Who:
Caroline
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7392
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
7334
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7207
Who:
Core 2
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7156
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
6981
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
6980
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
6724
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
6691
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
6639
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
6561
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
6542
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
6464
Who:
Announcer
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6434
Who:
Cave Johnson
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6429
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6364
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6335
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6281
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6213
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6202
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6185
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6100
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
5981
Who:
Defective Turret
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5977
Who:
Core 1
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5970
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5967
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
5967
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
5960
Who:
Core 3
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
5952
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5915
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
5851
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5824
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
5766
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
5691
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5636
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
5623
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5575
Who:
Cave Johnson
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5563
Who:
Core 1
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
5547
Who:
Announcer
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5508
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5445
Who:
Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5398
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5321
Who:
Announcer
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5302
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
5302
Who:
Turret
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5301
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5292
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5283
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5269
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
5258
Who:
Defective Turret
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5233
Who:
Core 3
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5196
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5173
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5170
Who:
Turret
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5147
Who:
Core 2
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5109
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5099
Who:
Core 1
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5058
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5012
Who:
Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5009
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
4999
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
4966
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
4929
Who:
Core 1
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4883
Who:
Announcer
Alalalawl
Listens:
4879
Who:
Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4855
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
4812
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
4753
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4731
Who:
Cave Johnson
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
4721
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
4715
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
