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TF2 Music
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Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
4791
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4790
Who:
Core 1
Stop it!
Listens:
4786
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
4768
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4694
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
4639
Who:
GLaDOS
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
4605
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4533
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4531
Who:
Cave Johnson
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
4519
Who:
Turret
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
4513
Who:
Announcer
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4503
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4465
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4446
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
4388
Who:
Turret
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
4384
Who:
Announcer
Hooray!
Listens:
4371
Who:
Turret
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
4290
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4249
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4239
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4230
Who:
Cave Johnson
Thank you!
Listens:
4217
Who:
Turret
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4207
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4198
Who:
Announcer
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4193
Who:
Core 3
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4193
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4189
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4136
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4085
Who:
GLaDOS
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4082
Who:
Core 3
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4065
Who:
Core 2
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4042
Who:
Wheatley
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4037
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4035
Who:
Defective Turret
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4014
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
3996
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
3957
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
3949
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
3944
Who:
Announcer
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
3898
Who:
Core 1
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
3885
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
3884
Who:
Core 3
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
3883
Who:
Cave Johnson
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
3878
Who:
Announcer
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
3843
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
3835
Who:
Turret
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
3831
Who:
Turret
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
3808
Who:
Wheatley
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
3785
Who:
Announcer
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
3760
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
3747
Who:
Core 1
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
3732
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
3726
Who:
Announcer
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
3698
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
3689
Who:
Turret
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3644
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
3639
Who:
Core 1
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3626
Who:
Core 1
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
3619
Who:
Announcer
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3598
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
3590
Who:
Announcer
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3558
Who:
Wheatley
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3553
Who:
Core 2
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
3546
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3536
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3532
Who:
Core 2
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3528
Who:
Defective Turret
Target lost
Listens:
3507
Who:
Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3483
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir!
Listens:
3482
Who:
Caroline
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3477
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
3440
Who:
Wheatley
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3435
Who:
Defective Turret
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
3428
Who:
Announcer
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3425
Who:
Defective Turret
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3409
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3397
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3393
Who:
Defective Turret
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3390
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3385
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3364
Who:
Cave Johnson
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3315
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3297
Who:
Wheatley
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3278
Who:
Turret
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3268
Who:
Cave Johnson
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3239
Who:
Turret
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3237
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3233
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3230
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3226
Who:
GLaDOS
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3216
Who:
Announcer
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3207
Who:
Defective Turret
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3190
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3189
Who:
Core 1
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3187
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3176
Who:
GLaDOS
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3173
Who:
GLaDOS
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3169
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3168
Who:
GLaDOS
These things happen.
Listens:
3165
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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