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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
681
Who:
Announcer
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
681
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
679
Who:
Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
678
Who:
Cave Johnson
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
677
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button again.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
675
Who:
Core 2
Take me with you...
Listens:
675
Who:
Turret
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
672
Who:
Core 3
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
672
Who:
Defective Turret
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
669
Who:
Core 3
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
667
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
666
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
661
Who:
Cave Johnson
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
660
Who:
Cave Johnson
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
658
Who:
Cave Johnson
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
658
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
656
Who:
Cave Johnson
Crap!
Listens:
656
Who:
Defective Turret
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
653
Who:
Announcer
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
652
Who:
Core 2
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 3
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
I made it all up.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
645
Who:
Turret
Back again!
Listens:
644
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
644
Who:
Defective Turret
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
637
Who:
Defective Turret
Really? Okay.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget!
Listens:
626
Who:
Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
625
Who:
Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
623
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
622
Who:
Core 1
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
619
Who:
Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
617
Who:
Announcer
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
617
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
616
Who:
Core 3
Yeah!
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
605
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 1
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
603
Who:
Announcer
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 3
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
602
Who:
Defective Turret
AHH!
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 3
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
Put me down!
Listens:
598
Who:
Turret
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 3
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
595
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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