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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
635
Who:
Cave Johnson
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
634
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 1
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
632
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
632
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
632
Who:
Core 1
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
631
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
631
Who:
Cave Johnson
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
631
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
629
Who:
Cave Johnson
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
626
Who:
Core 1
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
626
Who:
Defective Turret
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
625
Who:
Core 3
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 1
Hello.
Listens:
624
Who:
Defective Turret
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
623
Who:
Cave Johnson
Going to space.
Listens:
623
Who:
Core 1
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
622
Who:
Core 1
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Please go to space.
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 1
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
618
Who:
Turret
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
617
Who:
Announcer
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
614
Who:
Turret
I made it all up.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
608
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
607
Who:
Turret
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
606
Who:
Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
600
Who:
Turret
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 1
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again!
Listens:
591
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 3
Gotcha!
Listens:
589
Who:
Turret
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
588
Who:
Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
587
Who:
Announcer
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 2
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
583
Who:
Core 3
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 1
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
580
Who:
Core 3
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
No!
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
568
Who:
Core 3
Yes!
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
568
Who:
Turret
Don't forget!
Listens:
567
Who:
Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
562
Who:
Core 3
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
561
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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