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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Hey.
Listens:
650
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
650
Who:
Core 1
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 1
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 3
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 3
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
649
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
649
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
645
Who:
Core 1
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
643
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 1
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 2
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
642
Who:
Core 1
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
641
Who:
Turret
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
640
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm going to space.
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 1
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
639
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please go to space.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 1
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
638
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 1
Going to space.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 1
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
638
Who:
Turret
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
636
Who:
Cave Johnson
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
632
Who:
Announcer
I made it all up.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
631
Who:
Cave Johnson
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
630
Who:
Core 3
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
628
Who:
Turret
Crap!
Listens:
627
Who:
Defective Turret
Paradoxes.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
623
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
622
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
618
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again!
Listens:
615
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 3
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
605
Who:
Turret
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
599
Who:
Defective Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
598
Who:
Announcer
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 1
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
595
Who:
Core 3
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget!
Listens:
591
Who:
Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
590
Who:
Core 3
Illegal operation
Listens:
590
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 1
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 3
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
Yes!
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
577
Who:
Core 3
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
575
Who:
Announcer
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
572
Who:
Core 3
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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