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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
565
Who:
Cave Johnson
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
565
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
565
Who:
Cave Johnson
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
565
Who:
Cave Johnson
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
564
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 1
You will never go into space.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 3
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
560
Who:
Core 1
I made it all up.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
558
Who:
Core 1
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
554
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
554
Who:
Core 1
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
551
Who:
Announcer
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
550
Who:
Core 2
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 1
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 3
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
546
Who:
Core 1
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 1
Please go to space.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 1
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space.
Listens:
544
Who:
Core 1
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
538
Who:
Turret
Hello.
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
536
Who:
Core 3
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
535
Who:
Core 3
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
534
Who:
Core 3
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
534
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
529
Who:
Core 1
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
527
Who:
Turret
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
523
Who:
Announcer
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
523
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
Back again!
Listens:
520
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 2
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
518
Who:
Core 1
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
516
Who:
Turret
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
514
Who:
Core 3
Please stop.
Listens:
513
Who:
Turret
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 2
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
505
Who:
Core 3
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
501
Who:
Core 3
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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