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Portal 2
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Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
580
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
580
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey lady.
Listens:
580
Who:
Core 1
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
580
Who:
Core 3
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
579
Who:
Cave Johnson
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
578
Who:
Cave Johnson
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
578
Who:
Cave Johnson
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 1
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space?
Listens:
574
Who:
Core 1
I made it all up.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
571
Who:
Announcer
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 1
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 1
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
567
Who:
Core 1
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
566
Who:
Core 1
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 1
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
563
Who:
Core 1
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space.
Listens:
560
Who:
Core 1
Please go to space.
Listens:
560
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
560
Who:
Turret
Hello.
Listens:
560
Who:
Defective Turret
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
558
Who:
Core 2
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
557
Who:
Core 3
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
555
Who:
Core 1
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
552
Who:
Core 3
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
549
Who:
Defective Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 3
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 3
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
544
Who:
Turret
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
542
Who:
Core 1
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
539
Who:
Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
537
Who:
Announcer
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again!
Listens:
534
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
533
Who:
Core 1
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
531
Who:
Turret
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
529
Who:
Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 3
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
524
Who:
Core 2
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
524
Who:
Defective Turret
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 2
Really? Okay.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
517
Who:
Core 3
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
517
Who:
Turret
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
516
Who:
Core 3
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
516
Who:
Defective Turret
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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