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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
753
Who:
Core 3
Take me with you...
Listens:
753
Who:
Turret
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
752
Who:
Announcer
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
752
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
750
Who:
Core 1
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
748
Who:
Defective Turret
You will never go into space.
Listens:
746
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
746
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
742
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blah.
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
738
Who:
Core 3
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button again.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
735
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
731
Who:
Core 3
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
731
Who:
Wheatley
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
728
Who:
Turret
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 3
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
724
Who:
Cave Johnson
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
723
Who:
Wheatley
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
721
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
720
Who:
Cave Johnson
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
719
Who:
Cave Johnson
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
719
Who:
Cave Johnson
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
718
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
716
Who:
Announcer
Really? Okay.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
714
Who:
Core 2
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
712
Who:
Turret
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
Back again!
Listens:
711
Who:
Defective Turret
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 3
I made it all up.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
698
Who:
Defective Turret
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
692
Who:
Core 3
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
692
Who:
Turret
Don't forget!
Listens:
689
Who:
Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
688
Who:
Announcer
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
GO.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
687
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
686
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
683
Who:
Core 3
No!
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
683
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Put me down!
Listens:
675
Who:
Turret
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
673
Who:
Defective Turret
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
672
Who:
Core 2
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
670
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
667
Who:
Core 1
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
666
Who:
Defective Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
665
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
Hi again!
Listens:
663
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
656
Who:
Defective Turret
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
655
Who:
Announcer
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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