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Portal 2
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Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
627
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 1
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
626
Who:
Cave Johnson
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
624
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 1
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
623
Who:
Core 1
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
621
Who:
Cave Johnson
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
620
Who:
Core 1
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
616
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
616
Who:
Core 1
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
616
Who:
Core 3
It's my big chance!
Listens:
616
Who:
Defective Turret
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
615
Who:
Core 1
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
614
Who:
Core 1
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 1
Please go to space.
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 1
Going to space.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 1
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
605
Who:
Announcer
Hello.
Listens:
604
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
I made it all up.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
595
Who:
Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 3
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
591
Who:
Turret
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
586
Who:
Turret
Oh!
Listens:
585
Who:
Turret
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
583
Who:
Core 3
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
583
Who:
Turret
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
582
Who:
Core 2
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 1
Crap!
Listens:
580
Who:
Defective Turret
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again!
Listens:
579
Who:
Defective Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
578
Who:
Announcer
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
576
Who:
Defective Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 3
Gotcha!
Listens:
575
Who:
Turret
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
574
Who:
Core 3
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
573
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 1
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
566
Who:
Turret
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
559
Who:
Core 3
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
555
Who:
Core 3
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
554
Who:
Core 3
No!
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
552
Who:
Turret
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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