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They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
951
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
950
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
949
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
948
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
947
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey
Listens:
947
Who:
Turret
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
945
Who:
Core 3
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
945
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
This is trouble.
Listens:
942
Who:
Defective Turret
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
942
Who:
Turret
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
941
Who:
Wheatley
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
941
Who:
Wheatley
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
Hi again!
Listens:
939
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
937
Who:
Announcer
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
Paradoxes.
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
932
Who:
Announcer
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
932
Who:
Wheatley
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
931
Who:
Announcer
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
929
Who:
Announcer
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
925
Who:
Turret
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
924
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
921
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
918
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on.
Listens:
917
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
913
Who:
Announcer
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
913
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
911
Who:
Turret
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
910
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
909
Who:
Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
908
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
907
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
907
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
904
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
904
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
904
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm kidding.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
I never liked her.
Listens:
901
Who:
Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
900
Who:
Core 3
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
900
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
898
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
898
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't breathe...
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
896
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
896
Who:
Turret
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
892
Who:
Defective Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
890
Who:
Core 3
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
889
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
886
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
883
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
881
Who:
Wheatley
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
876
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
875
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
873
Who:
Core 3
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
871
Who:
Turret
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
867
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
867
Who:
Defective Turret
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
865
Who:
Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
864
Who:
Core 3
NO!
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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