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Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
23768
Who:
Announcer
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
15680
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
14665
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
6752
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4204
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5570
Who:
Announcer
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
3950
Who:
Announcer
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
3436
Who:
Announcer
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
3730
Who:
Announcer
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3027
Who:
Announcer
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6289
Who:
Announcer
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1957
Who:
Announcer
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1993
Who:
Announcer
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2320
Who:
Announcer
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
22631
Who:
Announcer
Stalemate detected.
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3591
Who:
Announcer
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2110
Who:
Announcer
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2254
Who:
Announcer
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
19025
Who:
Announcer
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
2303
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1895
Who:
Announcer
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1344
Who:
Announcer
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1086
Who:
Announcer
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1229
Who:
Announcer
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2233
Who:
Announcer
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2081
Who:
Announcer
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Announcer
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Announcer
Good!
Listens:
2536
Who:
Announcer
Good!
Listens:
9810
Who:
Announcer
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6076
Who:
Announcer
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2649
Who:
Announcer
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
1733
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
927
Who:
Announcer
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
963
Who:
Announcer
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
906
Who:
Announcer
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
753
Who:
Announcer
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Announcer
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
24639
Who:
Announcer
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9085
Who:
Announcer
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2506
Who:
Announcer
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1681
Who:
Announcer
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Announcer
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
10290
Who:
Announcer
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5061
Who:
Announcer
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Announcer
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
5887
Who:
Announcer
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
4514
Who:
Announcer
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
3619
Who:
Announcer
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1838
Who:
Announcer
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1770
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Announcer
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1235
Who:
Announcer
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
2949
Who:
Announcer
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2151
Who:
Announcer
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
888
Who:
Announcer
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
954
Who:
Announcer
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Announcer
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
858
Who:
Announcer
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
75398
Who:
Announcer
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1332
Who:
Announcer
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3011
Who:
Announcer
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
3878
Who:
Announcer
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
298752
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1345
Who:
Announcer
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
783
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
971
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
757
Who:
Announcer
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
750
Who:
Announcer
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
748
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
748
Who:
Announcer
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
757
Who:
Announcer
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
767
Who:
Announcer
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
761
Who:
Announcer
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
759
Who:
Announcer
Template
Listens:
2523
Who:
Announcer
Response
Listens:
2310
Who:
Announcer
New template accepted.
Listens:
1215
Who:
Announcer
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Announcer
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
4388
Who:
Announcer
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1610
Who:
Announcer
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1910
Who:
Announcer
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1081
Who:
Announcer
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2545
Who:
Announcer
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1621
Who:
Announcer
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
756
Who:
Announcer
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2708
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3489
Who:
Announcer
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3220
Who:
Announcer
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
3791
Who:
Announcer
Powerup complete.
Listens:
2984
Who:
Announcer
Yes sir!
Listens:
3484
Who:
Caroline
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
23030
Who:
Caroline
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
24708
Who:
Caroline
I am!
Listens:
2704
Who:
Caroline
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8795
Who:
Caroline
00:00 / 00:00
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