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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5375
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
183
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1446
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12347
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
209
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
195
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
2658
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
1958
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
30410
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
4462
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
4263
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
945
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5307
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
2776
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1511
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7201
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
19369
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
210
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
689283
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1368
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
1853
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4385
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
985
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4495
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
2897
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
215
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1216
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
235
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
17231
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
209
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1347
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
29533
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1767
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1637
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
20305
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1534
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
110167
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
16111
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
44806
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
206
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
184
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
216
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
211
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
3488
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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