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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1131
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6451
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1143
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1739
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14102
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
226
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3187
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
2428
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
34774
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5515
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
4948
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1217
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6518
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3354
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1755
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
8713
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
23519
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
731117
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1679
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2187
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5276
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1217
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6161
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3358
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1442
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
20943
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1667
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
33960
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2145
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2066
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
643
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
24608
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1793
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
123883
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
19321
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
50185
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4010
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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