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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5263
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
900
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1406
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
12164
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
229
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
188
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
156
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
168
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
2618
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
1908
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
30036
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
3295
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5225
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
2727
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1488
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
7064
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
19086
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
199
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
685547
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
167
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
235
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
1826
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4321
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
974
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
4411
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
2855
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
209
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
226
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1195
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
16914
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
224
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
201
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1317
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
29170
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1731
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1602
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
20053
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1513
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
108958
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
15900
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
44401
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
169
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
235
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
174
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
210
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
169
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
198
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
3435
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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