Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
2406
Who:
Core 1
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
2404
Who:
Defective Turret
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
2403
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
2401
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
2390
Who:
Defective Turret
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
2385
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
2374
Who:
GLaDOS
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
2361
Who:
Caroline
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2360
Who:
Core 1
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
2359
Who:
Announcer
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2357
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
2344
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
2332
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2331
Who:
Core 3
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
2330
Who:
Wheatley
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2316
Who:
Core 1
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
2298
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you come over here?
Listens:
2284
Who:
Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2273
Who:
Core 3
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2253
Who:
Announcer
Who ARE you?
Listens:
2248
Who:
Turret
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2242
Who:
Core 3
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2221
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
2208
Who:
Defective Turret
Nap time
Listens:
2199
Who:
Turret
Powerup complete.
Listens:
2196
Who:
Announcer
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
2196
Who:
Defective Turret
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
2179
Who:
Wheatley
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2144
Who:
GLaDOS
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
2142
Who:
Turret
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2133
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
2129
Who:
Announcer
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2117
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye!
Listens:
2110
Who:
Turret
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2099
Who:
Announcer
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2098
Who:
Wheatley
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2096
Who:
Wheatley
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
2085
Who:
Turret
I am!
Listens:
2076
Who:
Caroline
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2066
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2051
Who:
Turret
Deploying
Listens:
2026
Who:
Turret
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2016
Who:
Core 1
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2015
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1997
Who:
Core 1
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
1990
Who:
Core 1
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
1981
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
1967
Who:
Core 3
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
1957
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
1947
Who:
Wheatley
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
1940
Who:
Turret
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
1927
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
1917
Who:
Defective Turret
That isn't science.
Listens:
1908
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
1895
Who:
Turret
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
1893
Who:
Core 2
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Core 3
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Core 3
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
1850
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh my god.
Listens:
1848
Who:
GLaDOS
She is a gem.
Listens:
1847
Who:
Cave Johnson
I see you
Listens:
1843
Who:
Turret
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
1842
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww
Listens:
1838
Who:
Turret
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
1834
Who:
Wheatley
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
1833
Who:
GLaDOS
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1820
Who:
Announcer
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
1819
Who:
Wheatley
Why...
Listens:
1803
Who:
Turret
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
1800
Who:
GLaDOS
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1789
Who:
Wheatley
It burns.
Listens:
1780
Who:
Turret
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
1774
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1774
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1772
Who:
Core 2
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
1766
Who:
Cave Johnson
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
1762
Who:
Cave Johnson
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
1752
Who:
Core 3
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
1750
Who:
Defective Turret
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
1746
Who:
Wheatley
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
1741
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
1739
Who:
Announcer
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
1738
Who:
Core 1
Good!
Listens:
1737
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1734
Who:
Turret
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
1726
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
1726
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
1722
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
1717
Who:
GLaDOS
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
1716
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in space!
Listens:
1716
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
1715
Who:
Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1698
Who:
Core 3
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1691
Who:
Core 1
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
1691
Who:
Wheatley
Activated
Listens:
1684
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1679
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1678
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1677
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
