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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
2591
Who:
Defective Turret
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
2589
Who:
Announcer
AH!
Listens:
2582
Who:
Wheatley
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
2582
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
2570
Who:
Core 1
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
2564
Who:
Core 3
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
2548
Who:
Cave Johnson
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
2545
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
2522
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
2515
Who:
GLaDOS
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
2511
Who:
Cave Johnson
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2492
Who:
Core 1
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
2488
Who:
Announcer
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
2484
Who:
GLaDOS
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
2482
Who:
Caroline
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
2479
Who:
GLaDOS
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2477
Who:
Core 1
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
2459
Who:
Wheatley
Could you come over here?
Listens:
2449
Who:
Turret
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2447
Who:
Core 3
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2444
Who:
GLaDOS
Who ARE you?
Listens:
2438
Who:
Turret
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
2425
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
2397
Who:
Defective Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
2375
Who:
Turret
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2368
Who:
Announcer
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
2368
Who:
Defective Turret
Powerup complete.
Listens:
2363
Who:
Announcer
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2363
Who:
Core 3
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2361
Who:
Core 3
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2354
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
2349
Who:
Wheatley
Nap time
Listens:
2344
Who:
Turret
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2324
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
2301
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye!
Listens:
2289
Who:
Turret
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2282
Who:
GLaDOS
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
2278
Who:
Turret
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2277
Who:
Turret
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2250
Who:
Cave Johnson
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2227
Who:
Wheatley
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2223
Who:
Announcer
I am!
Listens:
2214
Who:
Caroline
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2213
Who:
Announcer
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2203
Who:
Wheatley
Deploying
Listens:
2200
Who:
Turret
Space!
Listens:
2194
Who:
Core 1
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2194
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2171
Who:
Core 1
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
2170
Who:
Turret
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2166
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2122
Who:
Core 1
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2087
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
2070
Who:
Turret
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2068
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2065
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2054
Who:
Core 3
I see you
Listens:
2034
Who:
Turret
Awwww
Listens:
2032
Who:
Turret
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2027
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2020
Who:
Wheatley
That isn't science.
Listens:
2014
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2002
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
1997
Who:
Core 3
Why...
Listens:
1985
Who:
Turret
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
1982
Who:
Cave Johnson
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
1973
Who:
Core 3
Oh my god.
Listens:
1972
Who:
GLaDOS
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1968
Who:
Announcer
It burns.
Listens:
1961
Who:
Turret
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
1958
Who:
Wheatley
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1955
Who:
Wheatley
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
1953
Who:
Wheatley
She is a gem.
Listens:
1947
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
1940
Who:
Core 2
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
1938
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
1929
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
1927
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1918
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1918
Who:
Turret
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
1913
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
1900
Who:
Announcer
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
1899
Who:
Wheatley
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
1883
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
1868
Who:
Core 1
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
1867
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
1861
Who:
Cave Johnson
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
1860
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in space!
Listens:
1858
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
1858
Who:
Turret
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
1856
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
1848
Who:
Announcer
Hello.
Listens:
1844
Who:
Defective Turret
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
1843
Who:
Core 3
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
1840
Who:
GLaDOS
Activated
Listens:
1837
Who:
Turret
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
1836
Who:
Announcer
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1836
Who:
Turret
I'm in space.
Listens:
1824
Who:
Core 1
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1821
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
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