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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3031
Who:
Turret
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3030
Who:
Core 1
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
2976
Who:
Core 2
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
2962
Who:
GLaDOS
Who ARE you?
Listens:
2956
Who:
Turret
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
2952
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
2929
Who:
GLaDOS
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
2926
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
2924
Who:
Announcer
Could you come over here?
Listens:
2901
Who:
Turret
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
2899
Who:
Wheatley
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
2874
Who:
Announcer
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2871
Who:
Turret
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
2862
Who:
Cave Johnson
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
2860
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
2855
Who:
Core 1
Powerup complete.
Listens:
2843
Who:
Announcer
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
2838
Who:
Core 3
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
2838
Who:
Defective Turret
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
2837
Who:
Announcer
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
2824
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
2812
Who:
GLaDOS
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
2800
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
2794
Who:
Caroline
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
2790
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
2790
Who:
Turret
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2784
Who:
Core 1
Nap time
Listens:
2775
Who:
Turret
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
2771
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
2764
Who:
Wheatley
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2753
Who:
Core 1
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2749
Who:
Core 3
Goodbye!
Listens:
2740
Who:
Turret
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2708
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2665
Who:
Wheatley
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2660
Who:
Core 3
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2652
Who:
Core 3
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2648
Who:
Announcer
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2639
Who:
GLaDOS
Deploying
Listens:
2617
Who:
Turret
I am!
Listens:
2608
Who:
Caroline
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2592
Who:
Wheatley
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2579
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2573
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2566
Who:
Announcer
Space!
Listens:
2547
Who:
Core 1
Awwww
Listens:
2546
Who:
Turret
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2524
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2522
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry
Listens:
2501
Who:
Turret
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2481
Who:
Announcer
I see you
Listens:
2461
Who:
Turret
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2460
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
2460
Who:
Turret
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2438
Who:
Core 1
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2432
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2431
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2421
Who:
Turret
Why...
Listens:
2415
Who:
Turret
Good!
Listens:
2408
Who:
Announcer
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2407
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
2387
Who:
Announcer
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2385
Who:
Announcer
It burns.
Listens:
2385
Who:
Turret
Hello.
Listens:
2364
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2356
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2354
Who:
Core 1
Oh my god.
Listens:
2342
Who:
GLaDOS
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2317
Who:
Cave Johnson
That isn't science.
Listens:
2314
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2309
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2300
Who:
Core 3
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2292
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2280
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2276
Who:
GLaDOS
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2271
Who:
Cave Johnson
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2271
Who:
GLaDOS
Activated
Listens:
2270
Who:
Turret
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2256
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2245
Who:
Core 3
She is a gem.
Listens:
2243
Who:
Cave Johnson
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2242
Who:
Turret
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2235
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2235
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2220
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2212
Who:
Announcer
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2208
Who:
GLaDOS
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2208
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2206
Who:
Announcer
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2183
Who:
Core 3
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2172
Who:
Announcer
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2171
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Announcer
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2167
Who:
Wheatley
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2161
Who:
Cave Johnson
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2161
Who:
Core 3
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2159
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
2157
Who:
Announcer
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2154
Who:
Core 1
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2151
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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