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Portal 2
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The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
654
Who:
Core 3
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
653
Who:
Core 1
Malfunctioning
Listens:
653
Who:
Turret
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
650
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
650
Who:
Defective Turret
Machiavellian!
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
647
Who:
Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
646
Who:
Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
644
Who:
Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
642
Who:
Announcer
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Oh boy.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 1
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
629
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
626
Who:
Cave Johnson
The end?
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
624
Who:
Announcer
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
624
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
624
Who:
Defective Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
622
Who:
Turret
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
621
Who:
Announcer
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
619
Who:
Core 2
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
617
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
616
Who:
Core 2
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
615
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
615
Who:
Core 1
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
614
Who:
Announcer
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home.
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
611
Who:
Core 1
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
610
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
609
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
607
Who:
Core 1
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
605
Who:
Defective Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
603
Who:
Turret
I love space.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 1
Um, hello?
Listens:
602
Who:
Turret
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
601
Who:
Turret
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
597
Who:
Turret
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 3
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
595
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
595
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
593
Who:
Core 1
I'm fine!
Listens:
592
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 1
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 3
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
590
Who:
Core 1
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
589
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
589
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 1
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 1
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 1
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
You will never go into space.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
Press the button again.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
584
Who:
Announcer
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
584
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 1
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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