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Listens:
905
Who:
Announcer
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
905
Who:
Cave Johnson
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
903
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
903
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
902
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
901
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
900
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
900
Who:
Turret
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
888
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
888
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
886
Who:
Core 3
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
886
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
885
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
883
Who:
Core 1
AHH!
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
870
Who:
Turret
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
869
Who:
Core 3
Why?
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
867
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
859
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
858
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
858
Who:
Turret
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
855
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
851
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
848
Who:
Turret
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home.
Listens:
845
Who:
Core 1
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
844
Who:
Announcer
Hey.
Listens:
844
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
843
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
842
Who:
Defective Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
840
Who:
Announcer
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
837
Who:
Turret
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
836
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh!
Listens:
835
Who:
Turret
Oh boy.
Listens:
834
Who:
Core 1
Helloooo?
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 3
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
824
Who:
Announcer
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
821
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
821
Who:
Turret
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
819
Who:
Core 1
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
817
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
817
Who:
Core 1
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
816
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 1
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
815
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
812
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
812
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
811
Who:
Wheatley
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
805
Who:
Defective Turret
I love space.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 3
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
802
Who:
Core 1
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
802
Who:
Defective Turret
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
800
Who:
Cave Johnson
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
799
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 1
Are we in space?
Listens:
795
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
794
Who:
Core 1
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
792
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
791
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
791
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
790
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
789
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
788
Who:
Announcer
I'm going to space.
Listens:
788
Who:
Core 1
Going to space.
Listens:
788
Who:
Core 1
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
788
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 1
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 1
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 3
Press the button again.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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