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Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
926
Who:
Cave Johnson
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
922
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
919
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
911
Who:
Core 1
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
910
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
910
Who:
Turret
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
907
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
905
Who:
Core 1
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
903
Who:
Core 3
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
902
Who:
Core 3
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
896
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
892
Who:
Turret
Why?
Listens:
888
Who:
Turret
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
886
Who:
Defective Turret
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
884
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 1
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
876
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
876
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
875
Who:
Turret
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
872
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
870
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home.
Listens:
865
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
863
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
861
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
861
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
861
Who:
Turret
Oh boy.
Listens:
859
Who:
Core 1
Oh!
Listens:
859
Who:
Turret
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
850
Who:
Defective Turret
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
848
Who:
Core 3
Helloooo?
Listens:
846
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
844
Who:
Announcer
No hard fealings
Listens:
844
Who:
Turret
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
843
Who:
Defective Turret
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
837
Who:
Core 1
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
836
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
835
Who:
Core 1
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
835
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
835
Who:
Core 1
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
833
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
831
Who:
Announcer
Space.
Listens:
830
Who:
Core 1
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
830
Who:
Wheatley
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
824
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
821
Who:
Core 3
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 1
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 1
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
817
Who:
Core 1
Yes!
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
817
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
816
Who:
Cave Johnson
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
816
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
814
Who:
Core 1
I love space.
Listens:
814
Who:
Core 1
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
814
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
813
Who:
Core 1
Are we in space?
Listens:
812
Who:
Core 1
Press the button again.
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 1
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
807
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
805
Who:
Core 1
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
805
Who:
Core 1
Going to space.
Listens:
805
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
805
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 3
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
803
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
803
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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