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Portal 2
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Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
989
Who:
Core 3
Woooaaah!
Listens:
989
Who:
Turret
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
988
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
983
Who:
Turret
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
980
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
979
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
977
Who:
GLaDOS
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
975
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
974
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
970
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
965
Who:
Core 1
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
963
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
962
Who:
Wheatley
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
959
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
959
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
956
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
955
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
955
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
953
Who:
Core 3
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
952
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
952
Who:
Turret
Why?
Listens:
948
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
948
Who:
Turret
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
946
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
942
Who:
Core 3
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
937
Who:
Core 1
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home.
Listens:
935
Who:
Core 1
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
931
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
931
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
927
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
923
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
920
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh boy.
Listens:
919
Who:
Core 1
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
919
Who:
Core 3
Hey.
Listens:
916
Who:
Core 1
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
915
Who:
Announcer
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
915
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
910
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
909
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
908
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
908
Who:
Announcer
No hard fealings
Listens:
906
Who:
Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
899
Who:
Defective Turret
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
898
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
898
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
898
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
894
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
890
Who:
Core 1
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
888
Who:
Core 1
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
888
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
887
Who:
Announcer
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
887
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
883
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
883
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
882
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
882
Who:
Core 1
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
880
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
878
Who:
Core 1
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
874
Who:
Core 3
What are you doing?
Listens:
874
Who:
Turret
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
873
Who:
Core 1
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
873
Who:
Defective Turret
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
873
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
869
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
867
Who:
Core 1
You will never go into space.
Listens:
867
Who:
Core 3
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
867
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
866
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
866
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
864
Who:
Core 1
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
864
Who:
Core 3
Yes!
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space.
Listens:
862
Who:
Core 1
Crap!
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
861
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
860
Who:
Core 1
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
859
Who:
Core 1
Are we in space?
Listens:
859
Who:
Core 1
Really? Okay.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
858
Who:
Core 1
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
858
Who:
Core 3
I'm going to space.
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
856
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
856
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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