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You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1013
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 3
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1011
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1011
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1004
Who:
GLaDOS
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1003
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 1
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
994
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
991
Who:
Core 1
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
991
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
989
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
984
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
984
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
981
Who:
Wheatley
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
976
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
976
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
974
Who:
Turret
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
971
Who:
Turret
AHH!
Listens:
969
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
969
Who:
Defective Turret
Why?
Listens:
967
Who:
Turret
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
966
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
963
Who:
Core 3
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
959
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
958
Who:
Core 3
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
955
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
955
Who:
Core 1
Hello.
Listens:
952
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go home.
Listens:
950
Who:
Core 1
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
947
Who:
GLaDOS
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
945
Who:
Core 3
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
943
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
942
Who:
Wheatley
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
940
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
939
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
939
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
938
Who:
Wheatley
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
938
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
934
Who:
Announcer
Oh boy.
Listens:
931
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
931
Who:
Core 1
Helloooo?
Listens:
930
Who:
Wheatley
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
927
Who:
Core 3
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
924
Who:
Turret
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
920
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
916
Who:
Defective Turret
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
915
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
908
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
906
Who:
Announcer
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
906
Who:
Core 1
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
903
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
901
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
899
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
899
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
898
Who:
Core 1
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
895
Who:
Defective Turret
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
894
Who:
Core 3
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
894
Who:
Turret
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
893
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
891
Who:
Cave Johnson
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
891
Who:
Wheatley
You will never go into space.
Listens:
890
Who:
Core 3
Yes!
Listens:
890
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
890
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
889
Who:
Core 1
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
889
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
889
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
888
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
887
Who:
Core 1
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
886
Who:
Turret
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
884
Who:
Core 3
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
881
Who:
Core 1
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
881
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 1
clickclickclick
Listens:
880
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
879
Who:
Announcer
Press the button again.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space.
Listens:
878
Who:
Core 1
Are we in space?
Listens:
878
Who:
Core 1
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
876
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
876
Who:
Core 1
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
875
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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