Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
912
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
912
Who:
Turret
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
911
Who:
Announcer
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
911
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
910
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
904
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
904
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
901
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
895
Who:
Core 1
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
894
Who:
Core 1
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
894
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
893
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
891
Who:
Core 3
Take me with you...
Listens:
891
Who:
Turret
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
890
Who:
Core 3
AHH!
Listens:
889
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
889
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
877
Who:
Defective Turret
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
874
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
874
Who:
Turret
Please stop.
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
871
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
867
Who:
Core 1
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
864
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
863
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
862
Who:
Core 1
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
859
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home.
Listens:
855
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
852
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 1
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
846
Who:
Announcer
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
846
Who:
Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
845
Who:
Announcer
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
843
Who:
Turret
Oh boy.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
841
Who:
Defective Turret
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
835
Who:
Core 3
Helloooo?
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
832
Who:
Announcer
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
827
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 1
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 1
No hard fealings
Listens:
825
Who:
Turret
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
823
Who:
Defective Turret
Space.
Listens:
821
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
820
Who:
Announcer
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 1
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
811
Who:
Wheatley
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 3
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
807
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
806
Who:
Cave Johnson
I love space.
Listens:
806
Who:
Core 1
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
806
Who:
Defective Turret
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
805
Who:
Wheatley
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 1
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
804
Who:
Defective Turret
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
802
Who:
Core 1
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
801
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
801
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
797
Who:
Core 1
Press the button again.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
793
Who:
Core 1
Going to space.
Listens:
793
Who:
Core 1
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
792
Who:
Announcer
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
792
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
792
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
792
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
792
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
