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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
960
Who:
Announcer
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
959
Who:
Cave Johnson
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
951
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
950
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
947
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
942
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
940
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
939
Who:
Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
938
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
934
Who:
Core 1
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
934
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
930
Who:
Core 3
AHH!
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
929
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
925
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
925
Who:
Turret
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
923
Who:
Core 3
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
Why?
Listens:
917
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
915
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
909
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
907
Who:
Core 1
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
907
Who:
Core 3
Wanna go home.
Listens:
906
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
903
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
902
Who:
Defective Turret
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
896
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh!
Listens:
895
Who:
Turret
Oh boy.
Listens:
893
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
892
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
890
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
890
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
887
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
885
Who:
Announcer
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
881
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
879
Who:
Announcer
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
877
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
875
Who:
Announcer
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
873
Who:
Defective Turret
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
862
Who:
Core 1
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
861
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
860
Who:
Announcer
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
860
Who:
Core 1
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
859
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 1
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
857
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 1
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
Yes!
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
849
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
849
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
849
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
846
Who:
Core 1
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
844
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
844
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
844
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
842
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 3
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
841
Who:
Turret
Press the button again.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
838
Who:
Core 1
I love space.
Listens:
837
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
837
Who:
Core 1
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
836
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
835
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
834
Who:
Turret
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
833
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
832
Who:
Announcer
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 1
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 3
Crap!
Listens:
832
Who:
Defective Turret
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
829
Who:
Core 1
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
829
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
829
Who:
Core 1
Going to space.
Listens:
829
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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