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Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
895
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
894
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
891
Who:
Announcer
Crap!
Listens:
891
Who:
Defective Turret
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
890
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
885
Who:
Core 3
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
884
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
882
Who:
Core 3
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
881
Who:
Turret
Woooaaah!
Listens:
879
Who:
Turret
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
874
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
872
Who:
Core 1
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
863
Who:
Core 3
Why?
Listens:
858
Who:
Turret
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
856
Who:
Core 1
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
847
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
847
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
847
Who:
Defective Turret
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
842
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wanna go home.
Listens:
842
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
840
Who:
Wheatley
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
839
Who:
Announcer
Please stop.
Listens:
838
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
836
Who:
Core 1
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
836
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Oh boy.
Listens:
831
Who:
Core 1
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
830
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
830
Who:
Turret
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
826
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
825
Who:
Defective Turret
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
823
Who:
Core 3
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
821
Who:
Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
819
Who:
Turret
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
818
Who:
Announcer
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
814
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
812
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
808
Who:
Core 1
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
808
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
806
Who:
Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
804
Who:
Announcer
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
802
Who:
Defective Turret
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 1
I love space.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 3
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
794
Who:
Core 1
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
792
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
792
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
791
Who:
Defective Turret
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
791
Who:
Defective Turret
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
789
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
789
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
788
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
788
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 1
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
784
Who:
Announcer
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 1
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 3
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 1
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 2
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
780
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
780
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
780
Who:
Core 1
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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