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Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
827
Who:
Cave Johnson
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
826
Who:
Cave Johnson
Lady.
Listens:
823
Who:
Core 1
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 3
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
817
Who:
Cave Johnson
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
817
Who:
Defective Turret
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
809
Who:
Announcer
The end?
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
807
Who:
Defective Turret
Space.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
799
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
799
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
797
Who:
Core 1
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
788
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
Woooaaah!
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
784
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
782
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home.
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 1
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
779
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
778
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 1
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
775
Who:
Wheatley
Oh boy.
Listens:
773
Who:
Core 1
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
772
Who:
Core 3
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
772
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
770
Who:
Announcer
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
769
Who:
Cave Johnson
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
764
Who:
Turret
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
762
Who:
Core 1
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
761
Who:
Defective Turret
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
760
Who:
Wheatley
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
759
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
755
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
755
Who:
Wheatley
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
754
Who:
Core 1
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
753
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
753
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
752
Who:
Core 3
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
751
Who:
Announcer
Machiavellian!
Listens:
751
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
750
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
748
Who:
Core 1
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
747
Who:
Announcer
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
747
Who:
Core 3
No hard fealings
Listens:
746
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
745
Who:
Core 1
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
745
Who:
Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
743
Who:
Turret
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
741
Who:
Core 2
Oh!
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
739
Who:
Announcer
Hey.
Listens:
738
Who:
Core 1
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
737
Who:
Core 1
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
734
Who:
Cave Johnson
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space?
Listens:
733
Who:
Core 1
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 1
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
726
Who:
Turret
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
725
Who:
Core 1
I love space.
Listens:
725
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
725
Who:
Core 1
Hello.
Listens:
725
Who:
Defective Turret
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 1
Please go to space.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 1
You will never go into space.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 3
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
722
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
721
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
721
Who:
Core 1
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
720
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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