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Portal 2
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Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
812
Who:
Cave Johnson
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 3
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
800
Who:
Cave Johnson
The end?
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
796
Who:
Core 1
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
794
Who:
Announcer
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
793
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough* Button.
Listens:
786
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 1
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 1
Crap!
Listens:
778
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
770
Who:
Turret
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
766
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
765
Who:
Core 1
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 1
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
761
Who:
Announcer
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
760
Who:
Cave Johnson
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 1
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
757
Who:
Core 3
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
757
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
753
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
750
Who:
Turret
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
745
Who:
Defective Turret
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
742
Who:
Core 3
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
741
Who:
Announcer
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
741
Who:
Core 1
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
741
Who:
Defective Turret
Space.
Listens:
740
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
739
Who:
Core 3
Machiavellian!
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
737
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
735
Who:
Announcer
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
735
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
734
Who:
Core 1
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
734
Who:
Turret
No hard fealings
Listens:
734
Who:
Turret
AHH!
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
732
Who:
Announcer
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
731
Who:
Core 2
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
729
Who:
Wheatley
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
725
Who:
Turret
Please stop.
Listens:
723
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
722
Who:
Core 1
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space?
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
717
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey.
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 1
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
714
Who:
Core 1
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space.
Listens:
711
Who:
Core 1
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
711
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
710
Who:
Core 1
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
709
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
709
Who:
Core 1
You will never go into space.
Listens:
709
Who:
Core 3
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
Please go to space.
Listens:
708
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
708
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 1
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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