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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1227
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1216
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1215
Who:
Cave Johnson
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1215
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1211
Who:
Core 3
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Announcer
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Core 1
I blame myself.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Turret
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1201
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1194
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1193
Who:
Core 1
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1193
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
1179
Who:
Core 1
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Core 3
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1172
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1171
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1169
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1169
Who:
Turret
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1166
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1160
Who:
Turret
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Core 1
Yes!
Listens:
1154
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1153
Who:
GLaDOS
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Announcer
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1147
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Core 3
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 3
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1135
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
1129
Who:
Defective Turret
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Core 3
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1124
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
1124
Who:
Defective Turret
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1122
Who:
Core 3
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1117
Who:
Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Announcer
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1111
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 1
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1110
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Defective Turret
No!
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1103
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1103
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1100
Who:
Defective Turret
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1096
Who:
Wheatley
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1094
Who:
Defective Turret
GO.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Announcer
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1091
Who:
Defective Turret
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1087
Who:
Core 3
No hard fealings
Listens:
1086
Who:
Turret
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1084
Who:
Cave Johnson
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
1081
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1081
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button again.
Listens:
1078
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
1072
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Cave Johnson
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Wheatley
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
1070
Who:
Defective Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1068
Who:
Cave Johnson
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Turret
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Announcer
Oh boy.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1063
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1063
Who:
Wheatley
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Defective Turret
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1060
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
1056
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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