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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
286
Who:
Core 2
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Do it!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
283
Who:
Defective Turret
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
282
Who:
Core 2
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing great!
Listens:
280
Who:
Core 2
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
280
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
279
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
279
Who:
Defective Turret
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Run!
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
277
Who:
Defective Turret
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
277
Who:
Defective Turret
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
276
Who:
Defective Turret
She did all the work.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
275
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
274
Who:
Core 2
Cheater.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
273
Who:
Core 2
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
273
Who:
Defective Turret
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
273
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
271
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
270
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
270
Who:
Defective Turret
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Yes!
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
267
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
267
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
267
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you two doing?
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
266
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah, come on!
Listens:
266
Who:
Defective Turret
No!
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
No variances detected.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
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