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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Do it!
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
277
Who:
Core 2
five
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
277
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
277
Who:
Defective Turret
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing great!
Listens:
274
Who:
Core 2
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
272
Who:
Core 2
This time...
Listens:
272
Who:
Defective Turret
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
269
Who:
Core 2
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
267
Who:
Core 2
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
267
Who:
Defective Turret
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
265
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
265
Who:
Defective Turret
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Run!
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
264
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
262
Who:
Defective Turret
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
261
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, what?
Listens:
261
Who:
Defective Turret
She did all the work.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
four
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
259
Who:
Defective Turret
No variances detected.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
258
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
258
Who:
Defective Turret
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
257
Who:
Defective Turret
ow.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Come back!
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, come on!
Listens:
255
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
254
Who:
Defective Turret
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
253
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
253
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks!
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
252
Who:
Defective Turret
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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