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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Do it!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
This time...
Listens:
284
Who:
Defective Turret
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
282
Who:
Core 2
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
279
Who:
Core 2
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing great!
Listens:
278
Who:
Core 2
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
278
Who:
Defective Turret
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
276
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Run!
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
274
Who:
Defective Turret
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
274
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
273
Who:
Core 2
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
273
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
271
Who:
Defective Turret
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
270
Who:
Defective Turret
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
269
Who:
Core 2
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
269
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
269
Who:
Defective Turret
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Cheater.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
266
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
265
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
264
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah, come on!
Listens:
264
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
264
Who:
Defective Turret
ow.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
263
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
263
Who:
Defective Turret
four
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
No variances detected.
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
261
Who:
Defective Turret
Come back!
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
260
Who:
Defective Turret
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
260
Who:
Defective Turret
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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