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Portal 2
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Can I help you?
Listens:
444
Who:
Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
443
Who:
Defective Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
442
Who:
Core 3
Core transfer?
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
438
Who:
Core 2
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
436
Who:
Core 2
Hello.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
431
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
430
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
429
Who:
Announcer
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
429
Who:
Announcer
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
427
Who:
Core 2
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
425
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
424
Who:
Core 3
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
422
Who:
Defective Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
422
Who:
Defective Turret
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
421
Who:
Announcer
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
421
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
420
Who:
Announcer
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Uhoh
Listens:
420
Who:
Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
419
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
419
Who:
Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
418
Who:
Core 3
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
418
Who:
Defective Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
418
Who:
Turret
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
412
Who:
Core 2
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
411
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
411
Who:
Core 3
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
411
Who:
Core 3
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
408
Who:
Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow!
Listens:
407
Who:
Turret
Hi?
Listens:
407
Who:
Turret
Oops.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
406
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
406
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
406
Who:
Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
405
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
405
Who:
Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
404
Who:
Core 3
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
404
Who:
Turret
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
403
Who:
Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
402
Who:
Core 3
She was provoking you.
Listens:
402
Who:
Turret
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
401
Who:
Core 3
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
400
Who:
Core 3
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh dear.
Listens:
400
Who:
Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
Can't breathe...
Listens:
399
Who:
Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
395
Who:
Core 1
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
394
Who:
Turret
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
392
Who:
Core 2
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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