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Portal 2
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Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
554
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
554
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
553
Who:
Turret
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
552
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't breathe...
Listens:
552
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
552
Who:
Turret
Hi?
Listens:
552
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
552
Who:
Turret
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
551
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
551
Who:
Turret
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
550
Who:
Turret
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 3
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 3
Well, I tried.
Listens:
548
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm kidding.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh dear.
Listens:
546
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you win.
Listens:
544
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
543
Who:
Core 3
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
543
Who:
Turret
Core transfer?
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
536
Who:
Core 3
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
520
Who:
Core 3
Oops.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
518
Who:
Core 3
I lied.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Owwww!
Listens:
516
Who:
Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
515
Who:
Core 3
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
513
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
513
Who:
Defective Turret
Help!
Listens:
513
Who:
Turret
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
509
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
505
Who:
Turret
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Owww!
Listens:
503
Who:
Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
502
Who:
Core 3
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
499
Who:
Defective Turret
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
498
Who:
Core 3
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
497
Who:
Core 3
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
494
Who:
Core 3
Wow.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
491
Who:
Core 3
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
488
Who:
Defective Turret
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
488
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
487
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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