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Portal 2
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This is trouble.
Listens:
627
Who:
Defective Turret
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
626
Who:
Announcer
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
626
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
624
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
624
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 3
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
619
Who:
Core 3
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
615
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 1
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
612
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
607
Who:
Core 2
Yeah!
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
605
Who:
Defective Turret
Help!
Listens:
604
Who:
Turret
I'm kidding.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
601
Who:
Core 2
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 3
Core transfer?
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
594
Who:
Turret
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
590
Who:
Core 3
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 2
Oops.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
574
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
573
Who:
Defective Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
572
Who:
Core 3
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 3
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
566
Who:
Core 3
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
565
Who:
Defective Turret
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
563
Who:
Turret
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
559
Who:
Core 3
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
550
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 3
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
That's horrible.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
547
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
547
Who:
Wheatley
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
547
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
546
Who:
Core 3
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
546
Who:
Core 3
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Wow.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
545
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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