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Portal 2
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After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
643
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
641
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
640
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 3
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
638
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
633
Who:
Turret
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
626
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
624
Who:
Defective Turret
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
620
Who:
Core 3
Yeah!
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
616
Who:
Defective Turret
Core transfer?
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
615
Who:
Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
614
Who:
Core 2
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
611
Who:
Core 2
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
607
Who:
Core 3
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Oops.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
597
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 2
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
589
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 3
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 3
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 3
NO!
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
587
Who:
Turret
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 3
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
577
Who:
Core 3
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Briefly.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
567
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
567
Who:
Core 3
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
565
Who:
Core 3
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
563
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
562
Who:
Defective Turret
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
562
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
560
Who:
Core 3
That's horrible.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Wow.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
558
Who:
Defective Turret
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
557
Who:
Defective Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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