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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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Hey.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 1
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 2
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
723
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
722
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
720
Who:
Core 1
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
715
Who:
Core 3
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
715
Who:
Core 3
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
702
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
700
Who:
Core 3
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
700
Who:
Defective Turret
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
697
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
690
Who:
Turret
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
686
Who:
Core 3
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
686
Who:
Core 3
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
685
Who:
Defective Turret
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
Core transfer?
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
676
Who:
Core 3
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
674
Who:
Defective Turret
Oops.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
672
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
664
Who:
Core 3
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
664
Who:
Defective Turret
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
663
Who:
Core 2
Briefly.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
662
Who:
Defective Turret
NO!
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
657
Who:
Core 2
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
656
Who:
Core 3
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
655
Who:
Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
654
Who:
Core 3
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
651
Who:
Defective Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 3
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
648
Who:
Turret
Good shot!
Listens:
647
Who:
Turret
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
646
Who:
Core 2
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
643
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
643
Who:
Turret
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
642
Who:
Defective Turret
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
637
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
634
Who:
Core 3
Wow.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
633
Who:
Defective Turret
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
631
Who:
Core 3
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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