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Portal 2
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'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
431
Who:
Core 2
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
428
Who:
Core 2
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
427
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
426
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey
Listens:
426
Who:
Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
426
Who:
Turret
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
422
Who:
Core 2
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
420
Who:
Announcer
Fantastic.
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
418
Who:
Defective Turret
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
415
Who:
Announcer
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
414
Who:
Core 3
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
413
Who:
Core 3
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
412
Who:
Announcer
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
412
Who:
Announcer
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
410
Who:
Defective Turret
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
409
Who:
Defective Turret
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
408
Who:
Turret
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Hibernating
Listens:
406
Who:
Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
405
Who:
Core 3
I lied.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
405
Who:
Defective Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
404
Who:
Announcer
Ahh. What?
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Uhoh
Listens:
404
Who:
Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
This is trouble.
Listens:
403
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
402
Who:
Core 2
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
401
Who:
Core 3
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
400
Who:
Core 3
Oops.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
398
Who:
Turret
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
397
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
397
Who:
Turret
Ow!
Listens:
396
Who:
Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
395
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
394
Who:
Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
393
Who:
Core 3
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
393
Who:
Core 3
That's horrible.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
393
Who:
Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
392
Who:
Core 3
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
392
Who:
Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
390
Who:
Core 3
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
390
Who:
Turret
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
389
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
389
Who:
Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
388
Who:
Core 3
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
She was provoking you.
Listens:
388
Who:
Turret
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
385
Who:
Turret
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Can't breathe...
Listens:
382
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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