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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
482
Who:
Announcer
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
478
Who:
Turret
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
476
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
476
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
475
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
475
Who:
Announcer
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
474
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
473
Who:
Announcer
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
466
Who:
Core 3
Oops.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
465
Who:
Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
464
Who:
Defective Turret
I never liked her.
Listens:
464
Who:
Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
462
Who:
Core 3
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
462
Who:
Core 2
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
461
Who:
Defective Turret
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh. What?
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
458
Who:
Turret
She was provoking you.
Listens:
458
Who:
Turret
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
457
Who:
Core 2
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
455
Who:
Core 3
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
455
Who:
Turret
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Ow!
Listens:
453
Who:
Turret
Hi?
Listens:
452
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
452
Who:
Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
451
Who:
Core 3
I lied.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
451
Who:
Turret
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
449
Who:
Core 3
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
447
Who:
Core 3
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
446
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
446
Who:
Turret
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
445
Who:
Core 3
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
445
Who:
Turret
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
444
Who:
Core 2
Searching
Listens:
444
Who:
Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
443
Who:
Core 3
That's horrible.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
442
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
440
Who:
Turret
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 3
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 3
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
434
Who:
Turret
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
433
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
432
Who:
Defective Turret
Wow.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
431
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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