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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
575
Who:
Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
574
Who:
Announcer
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
574
Who:
Turret
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
572
Who:
Turret
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
This is trouble.
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 2
Oh dear.
Listens:
569
Who:
Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
568
Who:
Core 3
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
566
Who:
Turret
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
564
Who:
Turret
Hello.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
561
Who:
Core 3
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
561
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
561
Who:
Defective Turret
See you soon!
Listens:
560
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
558
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
556
Who:
Core 3
Core transfer?
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwww!
Listens:
547
Who:
Turret
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
545
Who:
Defective Turret
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
544
Who:
Core 2
I lied.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
537
Who:
Turret
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
536
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
535
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
534
Who:
Core 3
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 3
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
526
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
526
Who:
Defective Turret
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
524
Who:
Core 3
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
523
Who:
Turret
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 3
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
512
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
509
Who:
Core 3
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
506
Who:
Core 3
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
506
Who:
Defective Turret
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
504
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
501
Who:
Defective Turret
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
500
Who:
Core 2
Wow.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
500
Who:
Defective Turret
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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