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Portal 2
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I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
427
Who:
Core 2
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
426
Who:
Core 3
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
425
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Hey
Listens:
424
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
423
Who:
Core 3
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
422
Who:
Core 2
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
422
Who:
Defective Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
418
Who:
Announcer
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
417
Who:
Defective Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
417
Who:
Turret
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
415
Who:
Defective Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
410
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
410
Who:
Announcer
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
409
Who:
Announcer
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
408
Who:
Core 3
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
408
Who:
Defective Turret
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
407
Who:
Defective Turret
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
406
Who:
Core 3
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
402
Who:
Announcer
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
402
Who:
Core 2
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
402
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
401
Who:
Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
400
Who:
Core 3
This is trouble.
Listens:
400
Who:
Defective Turret
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
399
Who:
Turret
Uhoh
Listens:
398
Who:
Turret
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
397
Who:
Core 3
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
395
Who:
Core 3
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow!
Listens:
395
Who:
Turret
Oops.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
394
Who:
Turret
Hi?
Listens:
394
Who:
Turret
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
393
Who:
Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
392
Who:
Turret
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
391
Who:
Wheatley
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
389
Who:
Core 3
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
389
Who:
Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
388
Who:
Core 3
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
388
Who:
Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
387
Who:
Core 3
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
387
Who:
Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
386
Who:
Core 3
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
386
Who:
Turret
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
She was provoking you.
Listens:
385
Who:
Turret
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
384
Who:
Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
383
Who:
Core 3
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
381
Who:
Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
380
Who:
Turret
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
379
Who:
Core 2
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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