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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Do not press that button!
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
617
Who:
Announcer
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
616
Who:
Core 3
Hello.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
614
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
614
Who:
Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 3
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
609
Who:
Turret
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
605
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 1
Well, I tried.
Listens:
603
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 2
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 2
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
595
Who:
Core 3
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
593
Who:
Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Core transfer?
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 3
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
583
Who:
Turret
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
582
Who:
Defective Turret
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
576
Who:
Core 2
I lied.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
571
Who:
Core 3
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
567
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
567
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
565
Who:
Core 3
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
565
Who:
Core 3
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
565
Who:
Defective Turret
NO!
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
561
Who:
Core 3
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
554
Who:
Core 3
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
553
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
549
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 3
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
545
Who:
Turret
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
543
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
543
Who:
Core 3
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
543
Who:
Defective Turret
Briefly.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
539
Who:
Core 3
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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