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Portal 2
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Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
492
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
491
Who:
Defective Turret
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
490
Who:
Core 3
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
489
Who:
Announcer
Hello.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
487
Who:
Announcer
I never liked her.
Listens:
487
Who:
Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
486
Who:
Wheatley
This is trouble.
Listens:
486
Who:
Defective Turret
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
485
Who:
Announcer
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
482
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
482
Who:
Announcer
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
Oops.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
481
Who:
Turret
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
She was provoking you.
Listens:
480
Who:
Turret
Uhoh
Listens:
480
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
478
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
477
Who:
Core 3
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
476
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
475
Who:
Turret
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
474
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
474
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
473
Who:
Defective Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
472
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
472
Who:
Defective Turret
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
472
Who:
Defective Turret
Ow!
Listens:
472
Who:
Turret
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
466
Who:
Turret
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
464
Who:
Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
463
Who:
Core 3
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
463
Who:
Core 2
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
461
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
461
Who:
Defective Turret
See you soon!
Listens:
461
Who:
Turret
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
460
Who:
Core 2
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
458
Who:
Core 3
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
458
Who:
Turret
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
456
Who:
Core 3
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh dear.
Listens:
456
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
455
Who:
Turret
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
453
Who:
Core 3
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
452
Who:
Core 3
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
451
Who:
Core 3
Okay, you win.
Listens:
451
Who:
Turret
NO!
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't breathe...
Listens:
447
Who:
Turret
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
446
Who:
Core 2
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
445
Who:
Core 3
Wow.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
442
Who:
Defective Turret
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
439
Who:
Core 3
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
438
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
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