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Portal 2
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Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
341
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
340
Who:
Core 2
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
339
Who:
Turret
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
338
Who:
Core 2
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
337
Who:
Defective Turret
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
335
Who:
Core 2
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
331
Who:
Turret
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
330
Who:
Defective Turret
I need backup!
Listens:
330
Who:
Turret
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
330
Who:
Turret
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
329
Who:
Core 3
Don't do it.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
326
Who:
Turret
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
323
Who:
Core 2
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
323
Who:
Defective Turret
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
321
Who:
Core 3
It's not, though.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
320
Who:
Turret
It's eating me.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
319
Who:
Defective Turret
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
319
Who:
Turret
science collaboration points.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
315
Who:
Core 3
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
314
Who:
Defective Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
313
Who:
Core 3
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
313
Who:
Core 3
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
311
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
310
Who:
Core 2
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
309
Who:
Core 2
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
308
Who:
Core 3
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
306
Who:
Turret
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Always sleeping.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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