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Portal 2
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You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
472
Who:
Core 2
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
469
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
465
Who:
Core 2
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
465
Who:
Core 2
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
465
Who:
Defective Turret
Canvassing
Listens:
465
Who:
Turret
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
463
Who:
Core 2
It's eating me.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
462
Who:
Core 3
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
461
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
460
Who:
Core 2
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
458
Who:
Core 2
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
457
Who:
Core 3
Stay still, please.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
455
Who:
Defective Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
454
Who:
Core 3
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
453
Who:
Core 2
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
453
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
450
Who:
Core 3
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
443
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
441
Who:
Defective Turret
Please get it off me.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
I know you.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
432
Who:
Core 3
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
431
Who:
Defective Turret
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
429
Who:
Defective Turret
Not so fast!
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
426
Who:
Core 2
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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