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Done! Hacked!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
But that was worth it.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
392
Who:
Core 2
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
391
Who:
Core 3
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
390
Who:
Core 3
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
387
Who:
Turret
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
385
Who:
Core 3
It's not, though.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
383
Who:
Turret
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
375
Who:
Core 3
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
375
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
372
Who:
Core 2
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
372
Who:
Core 2
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
370
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
370
Who:
Defective Turret
Always sad.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
369
Who:
Defective Turret
Reactions?
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
366
Who:
Defective Turret
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
365
Who:
Turret
Canvassing
Listens:
365
Who:
Turret
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
364
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
363
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
362
Who:
Core 2
No!
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
360
Who:
Core 3
science collaboration points.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
357
Who:
Core 3
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
352
Who:
Core 3
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
351
Who:
Core 3
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
351
Who:
Core 3
There. Try it now.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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