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Portal 2
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What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
358
Who:
Core 3
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
355
Who:
Core 3
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
351
Who:
Core 2
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
349
Who:
Core 2
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
349
Who:
Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
348
Who:
Core 2
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw, come on!
Listens:
346
Who:
Defective Turret
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
345
Who:
Core 3
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
343
Who:
Turret
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
343
Who:
Turret
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Resting
Listens:
341
Who:
Turret
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
340
Who:
Defective Turret
Stay still, please.
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
three
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
338
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
335
Who:
Core 3
It's not, though.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
335
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
335
Who:
Defective Turret
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
332
Who:
Core 2
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
330
Who:
Turret
Reactions?
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
328
Who:
Defective Turret
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
327
Who:
Defective Turret
[yelling]
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
324
Who:
Core 3
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
322
Who:
Core 3
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
321
Who:
Core 3
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
321
Who:
Core 3
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
321
Who:
Core 2
Yes.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Try it now.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
320
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh my.
Listens:
320
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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