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Portal 2
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Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
449
Who:
Core 3
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
446
Who:
Core 2
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
444
Who:
Core 3
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
444
Who:
Core 2
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
444
Who:
Core 2
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
441
Who:
Core 3
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
439
Who:
Core 2
It's eating me.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
436
Who:
Core 3
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
436
Who:
Core 2
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
431
Who:
Turret
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
429
Who:
Defective Turret
Who said that?
Listens:
429
Who:
Defective Turret
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
427
Who:
Core 3
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
426
Who:
Core 3
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
426
Who:
Defective Turret
ow.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, come on!
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
419
Who:
Core 2
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
413
Who:
Defective Turret
science collaboration points.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
There. Try it now.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
409
Who:
Core 2
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
406
Who:
Core 3
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
406
Who:
Core 3
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
406
Who:
Core 2
Not so fast!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
406
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
404
Who:
Core 3
I know you.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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