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Portal 2
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Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
512
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
509
Who:
Core 3
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
501
Who:
Core 2
But that was worth it.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
500
Who:
Core 3
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
499
Who:
Core 3
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
496
Who:
Core 2
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
496
Who:
Core 2
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
495
Who:
Core 2
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
494
Who:
Defective Turret
Two
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
492
Who:
Defective Turret
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
489
Who:
Core 3
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
489
Who:
Core 2
Not so fast!
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
489
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
489
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
488
Who:
Core 3
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
485
Who:
Core 2
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
484
Who:
Core 2
science collaboration points.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
481
Who:
Defective Turret
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
I know you.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
474
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
472
Who:
Core 2
five
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
469
Who:
Core 3
four
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
467
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
466
Who:
Defective Turret
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
466
Who:
Defective Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
465
Who:
Core 3
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
464
Who:
Core 3
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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