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Done! Hacked!
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
384
Who:
Defective Turret
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
383
Who:
Core 3
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
383
Who:
Core 3
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
383
Who:
Core 3
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
383
Who:
Core 2
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
380
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
380
Who:
Turret
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not, though.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
370
Who:
Turret
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
367
Who:
Core 3
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
367
Who:
Core 2
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
364
Who:
Defective Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
363
Who:
Core 2
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Always sad.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
361
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
361
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
360
Who:
Core 2
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
358
Who:
Defective Turret
Canvassing
Listens:
358
Who:
Turret
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
357
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh my.
Listens:
357
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
356
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
350
Who:
Core 3
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
349
Who:
Core 3
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
347
Who:
Core 3
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
346
Who:
Core 3
Always sleeping.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
344
Who:
Core 3
Please get it off me.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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