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Portal 2
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Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
369
Who:
Turret
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
363
Who:
Turret
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
362
Who:
Core 3
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
362
Who:
Core 2
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
358
Who:
Core 2
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
It's not, though.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
355
Who:
Defective Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
354
Who:
Core 2
It's eating me.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
353
Who:
Defective Turret
Nicely Done!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
349
Who:
Defective Turret
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
348
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
348
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done!
Listens:
348
Who:
Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
347
Who:
Core 3
science collaboration points.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
344
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Always sad.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
339
Who:
Core 3
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
339
Who:
Core 2
Canvassing
Listens:
339
Who:
Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
338
Who:
Core 3
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
337
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
337
Who:
Turret
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
336
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
334
Who:
Core 3
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Always sleeping.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
329
Who:
Core 2
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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