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Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
315
Who:
Core 3
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Orange
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
309
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
303
Who:
Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
302
Who:
Core 2
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
301
Who:
Core 2
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
It's eating me.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
One
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
298
Who:
Turret
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
297
Who:
Defective Turret
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
296
Who:
Core 3
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
296
Who:
Turret
science collaboration points.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
292
Who:
Core 2
Dang!
Listens:
292
Who:
Defective Turret
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
291
Who:
Turret
Firing
Listens:
290
Who:
Turret
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
289
Who:
Core 2
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
288
Who:
Core 2
Always sad.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
288
Who:
Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
287
Who:
Core 3
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
285
Who:
Core 3
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
285
Who:
Turret
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
282
Who:
Core 3
Reactions?
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not, though.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
279
Who:
Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
278
Who:
Core 3
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
278
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Try it now.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
277
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done!
Listens:
277
Who:
Turret
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
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