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Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
422
Who:
Turret
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
421
Who:
Core 3
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
421
Who:
Core 2
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
419
Who:
Core 3
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
419
Who:
Core 3
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
419
Who:
Core 2
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my.
Listens:
418
Who:
Turret
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
But that was worth it.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
415
Who:
Core 3
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
414
Who:
Defective Turret
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
405
Who:
Defective Turret
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
404
Who:
Defective Turret
Who said that?
Listens:
404
Who:
Defective Turret
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
Always sad.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
401
Who:
Core 3
Reactions?
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
398
Who:
Defective Turret
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
397
Who:
Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
396
Who:
Core 3
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
393
Who:
Core 2
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
393
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
391
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
391
Who:
Defective Turret
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
389
Who:
Core 2
science collaboration points.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
384
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
382
Who:
Core 3
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
381
Who:
Core 3
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
380
Who:
Core 3
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
379
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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