Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
AH!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
349
Who:
Core 3
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
349
Who:
Core 3
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
345
Who:
Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
344
Who:
Core 2
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
344
Who:
Core 2
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
344
Who:
Defective Turret
Firing
Listens:
344
Who:
Turret
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
343
Who:
Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
342
Who:
Core 2
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
337
Who:
Core 3
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
334
Who:
Turret
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
333
Who:
Defective Turret
Stay still, please.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
three
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
331
Who:
Turret
Just stop it already.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
329
Who:
Defective Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
327
Who:
Core 3
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
327
Who:
Core 2
It's not, though.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
326
Who:
Turret
science collaboration points.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
323
Who:
Defective Turret
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
318
Who:
Core 3
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
318
Who:
Turret
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
317
Who:
Defective Turret
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
317
Who:
Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
316
Who:
Core 3
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
316
Who:
Core 3
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
316
Who:
Core 2
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
315
Who:
Core 3
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
314
Who:
Core 2
Yes.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
314
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
