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Portal 2
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Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
411
Who:
Core 3
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
410
Who:
Core 2
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
409
Who:
Turret
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
408
Who:
Core 3
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
408
Who:
Core 2
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
404
Who:
Core 3
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
404
Who:
Core 3
But that was worth it.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
403
Who:
Defective Turret
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
400
Who:
Core 3
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
398
Who:
Turret
Yes.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
393
Who:
Defective Turret
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
388
Who:
Core 3
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
388
Who:
Defective Turret
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
387
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
385
Who:
Core 2
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
381
Who:
Core 2
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
381
Who:
Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
380
Who:
Core 3
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
Always sleeping.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
375
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
374
Who:
Defective Turret
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
370
Who:
Defective Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
369
Who:
Core 3
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
367
Who:
Core 2
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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