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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Listens:
1027
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Core 3
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1025
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 1
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1023
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1023
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1015
Who:
Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1014
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1013
Who:
Core 3
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1011
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1010
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1010
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1009
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1008
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1007
Who:
Defective Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1006
Who:
Core 1
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1006
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1005
Who:
Defective Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1004
Who:
Core 2
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1004
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1002
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1001
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
997
Who:
Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
996
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
996
Who:
Defective Turret
My fault
Listens:
996
Who:
Turret
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
993
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
992
Who:
Core 3
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
988
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
983
Who:
Announcer
Self test error
Listens:
983
Who:
Turret
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
980
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
979
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
979
Who:
Defective Turret
Space...
Listens:
974
Who:
Core 1
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
974
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
973
Who:
Core 1
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
972
Who:
Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
970
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
969
Who:
Core 3
Remember that!
Listens:
968
Who:
Turret
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
966
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
966
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
963
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
961
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
957
Who:
Core 3
You win.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
956
Who:
GLaDOS
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
954
Who:
Turret
I'm done.
Listens:
951
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
949
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
948
Who:
Wheatley
Malfunctioning
Listens:
948
Who:
Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
947
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
945
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
944
Who:
Announcer
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
943
Who:
Announcer
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
940
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
938
Who:
Turret
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
936
Who:
Announcer
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
933
Who:
Core 1
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
933
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
932
Who:
Core 3
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
932
Who:
Defective Turret
I blame myself.
Listens:
931
Who:
Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
930
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
925
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
924
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
922
Who:
Announcer
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
922
Who:
Core 1
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
919
Who:
Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
918
Who:
Announcer
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
918
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
913
Who:
Announcer
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
913
Who:
Defective Turret
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
907
Who:
Announcer
*cough* Button.
Listens:
907
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
904
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
901
Who:
Announcer
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
901
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
899
Who:
Core 1
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
897
Who:
Cave Johnson
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
897
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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