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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1247
Who:
Announcer
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1247
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1247
Who:
Turret
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1246
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1245
Who:
Caroline
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1245
Who:
Turret
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1244
Who:
Core 2
Space!
Listens:
1239
Who:
Core 1
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1235
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1229
Who:
Core 1
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1226
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1224
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1220
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1217
Who:
Core 1
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1213
Who:
Defective Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1210
Who:
Core 3
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1210
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1207
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1203
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1202
Who:
Turret
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1196
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1191
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1190
Who:
Core 3
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1188
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Announcer
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1181
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1181
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1180
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Announcer
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Core 3
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1175
Who:
Core 1
Remember that!
Listens:
1173
Who:
Turret
My fault
Listens:
1171
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
1170
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1169
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1167
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1166
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1165
Who:
Core 1
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1162
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Announcer
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Wheatley
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1159
Who:
Turret
Oh!
Listens:
1158
Who:
Turret
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Core 3
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1148
Who:
Wheatley
AHH!
Listens:
1147
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1146
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1145
Who:
Core 3
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1142
Who:
Core 1
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1141
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1140
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1140
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1137
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1134
Who:
Announcer
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Core 2
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1129
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1126
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Announcer
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1125
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1124
Who:
Announcer
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1120
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1120
Who:
Turret
The end?
Listens:
1119
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1118
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1118
Who:
Turret
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1117
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1117
Who:
Defective Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1116
Who:
Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1115
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1114
Who:
Announcer
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1114
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1112
Who:
Defective Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1111
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 3
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Announcer
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Core 3
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1102
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1102
Who:
Core 1
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1102
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1094
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1094
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1093
Who:
Core 1
I blame myself.
Listens:
1092
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1090
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1089
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1087
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1087
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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