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Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1118
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1115
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1114
Who:
Turret
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
1108
Who:
Defective Turret
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Defective Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Core 3
Self test error
Listens:
1104
Who:
Turret
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1103
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1102
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1098
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1098
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Core 1
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1096
Who:
Core 1
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1095
Who:
Defective Turret
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1094
Who:
Core 2
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Core 3
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 3
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1087
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1087
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
1087
Who:
Turret
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1082
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1081
Who:
Announcer
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1080
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1080
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1077
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1076
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1073
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1071
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1071
Who:
Turret
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1067
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Core 1
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Core 3
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1065
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1061
Who:
Turret
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Core 3
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1054
Who:
Defective Turret
Space...
Listens:
1052
Who:
Core 1
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1052
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Core 2
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1043
Who:
GLaDOS
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1042
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
1038
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1034
Who:
Cave Johnson
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Announcer
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1032
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1028
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1025
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1022
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Announcer
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Core 3
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1018
Who:
Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1017
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1013
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1013
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 3
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 1
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1010
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1009
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1008
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1008
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1008
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Announcer
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm fine!
Listens:
1001
Who:
Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1000
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
996
Who:
Announcer
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
996
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
995
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
994
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
993
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
993
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
992
Who:
Announcer
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
992
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
992
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
991
Who:
Announcer
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
991
Who:
Core 3
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
990
Who:
Defective Turret
The end?
Listens:
989
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
988
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
988
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
981
Who:
Core 1
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
980
Who:
Cave Johnson
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
980
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooaaah!
Listens:
980
Who:
Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
979
Who:
Announcer
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
979
Who:
Announcer
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
977
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
977
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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