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Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
842
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
840
Who:
Core 3
I am!
Listens:
839
Who:
Caroline
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
839
Who:
Core 3
Space!
Listens:
838
Who:
Core 1
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
838
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
838
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
819
Who:
Core 3
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
813
Who:
Cave Johnson
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
813
Who:
Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
812
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
806
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
803
Who:
Defective Turret
My fault
Listens:
798
Who:
Turret
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
797
Who:
Defective Turret
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
795
Who:
Defective Turret
NO.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
793
Who:
Core 1
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
790
Who:
Announcer
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
786
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 1
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
778
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
778
Who:
Wheatley
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
777
Who:
Announcer
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
775
Who:
Announcer
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
774
Who:
Core 1
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
771
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
768
Who:
Turret
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
768
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
766
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
764
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
763
Who:
Defective Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
761
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
757
Who:
Announcer
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
757
Who:
Cave Johnson
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
757
Who:
Core 3
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
747
Who:
Announcer
I'm done.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
746
Who:
Announcer
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
746
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 1
[laughs]
Listens:
740
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
739
Who:
Announcer
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
738
Who:
Cave Johnson
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
737
Who:
Announcer
That's all I can say.
Listens:
737
Who:
Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
735
Who:
Announcer
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
726
Who:
Turret
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
723
Who:
Defective Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
717
Who:
Turret
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
715
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
712
Who:
Core 1
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
711
Who:
Turret
Owwwww!
Listens:
707
Who:
Turret
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