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Portal 2
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Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
951
Who:
Core 3
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
951
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
950
Who:
Caroline
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
949
Who:
Core 3
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
949
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
948
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
946
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
944
Who:
Core 3
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
940
Who:
Core 2
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
934
Who:
Core 3
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
932
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
932
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
931
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
931
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
929
Who:
Core 1
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
927
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
926
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
920
Who:
Core 3
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
916
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
915
Who:
Wheatley
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
914
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
914
Who:
Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
910
Who:
Core 1
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
909
Who:
Core 3
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
907
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
904
Who:
Core 1
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
901
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
900
Who:
Defective Turret
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
897
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
895
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
894
Who:
Announcer
Self test error
Listens:
891
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
889
Who:
Core 3
Remember that!
Listens:
889
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
887
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
886
Who:
Announcer
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
884
Who:
Cave Johnson
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
873
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
873
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 1
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
870
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
869
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
866
Who:
Core 1
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
865
Who:
Announcer
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
865
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
864
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
863
Who:
Announcer
Um, hello?
Listens:
863
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
GAAAA!
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
858
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
853
Who:
Turret
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
851
Who:
Defective Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
850
Who:
Turret
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
849
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
849
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
847
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
847
Who:
Turret
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
845
Who:
Defective Turret
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
841
Who:
Announcer
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
841
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
839
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
839
Who:
Core 3
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
836
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
836
Who:
Wheatley
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
835
Who:
Turret
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
833
Who:
Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
832
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
831
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
831
Who:
Announcer
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
828
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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