Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
762
Who:
Core 3
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
762
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
760
Who:
Caroline
I am!
Listens:
759
Who:
Caroline
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 3
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Failure...
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
New template accepted.
Listens:
757
Who:
Announcer
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
755
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
751
Who:
Cave Johnson
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
748
Who:
Core 3
Space!
Listens:
741
Who:
Core 1
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
731
Who:
Defective Turret
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
726
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
722
Who:
Core 1
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
722
Who:
Core 3
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
719
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
714
Who:
Cave Johnson
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
710
Who:
Core 1
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
709
Who:
Defective Turret
Die!
Listens:
708
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
706
Who:
Announcer
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 1
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
705
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
703
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
703
Who:
Core 1
You win.
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
700
Who:
Core 1
NO.
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
698
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
697
Who:
Announcer
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
694
Who:
Defective Turret
Remember that!
Listens:
692
Who:
Turret
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
691
Who:
Turret
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
682
Who:
Announcer
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
680
Who:
Announcer
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
679
Who:
Core 1
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
679
Who:
Turret
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
678
Who:
Defective Turret
Self test error
Listens:
678
Who:
Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
677
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
676
Who:
Announcer
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
668
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
668
Who:
Defective Turret
I blame myself.
Listens:
668
Who:
Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
667
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
664
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
664
Who:
Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
658
Who:
Core 3
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
653
Who:
Core 2
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
652
Who:
Announcer
I'm done.
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
651
Who:
Core 1
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
647
Who:
Announcer
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
645
Who:
Cave Johnson
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
642
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
