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Failure...
Listens:
788
Who:
Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 3
Press the button!
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
782
Who:
Caroline
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
782
Who:
Core 3
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
780
Who:
Core 3
I am!
Listens:
778
Who:
Caroline
New template accepted.
Listens:
775
Who:
Announcer
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
773
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
768
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
759
Who:
Defective Turret
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
757
Who:
Core 3
My fault
Listens:
757
Who:
Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
753
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
Die!
Listens:
747
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 1
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
740
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
738
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
735
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
732
Who:
Defective Turret
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
730
Who:
Core 3
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
729
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
725
Who:
Core 1
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
724
Who:
Announcer
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
724
Who:
Cave Johnson
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
723
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
723
Who:
Defective Turret
NO.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
718
Who:
Core 1
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 1
Remember that!
Listens:
716
Who:
Turret
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
715
Who:
Announcer
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
715
Who:
Announcer
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
715
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
713
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
708
Who:
Defective Turret
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
707
Who:
Turret
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
Self test error
Listens:
699
Who:
Turret
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
698
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
694
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
693
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady.
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
692
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
689
Who:
Announcer
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
689
Who:
Defective Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
688
Who:
Cave Johnson
That's all I can say.
Listens:
688
Who:
Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
685
Who:
Announcer
[laughs]
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
684
Who:
Turret
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
671
Who:
Core 3
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
668
Who:
Announcer
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
665
Who:
Core 2
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
665
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
663
Who:
Core 1
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
661
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
660
Who:
Announcer
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
655
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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