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Portal 2
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Listens:
1152
Who:
Announcer
Space!
Listens:
1151
Who:
Core 1
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1150
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1147
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1145
Who:
Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
1141
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Core 3
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1138
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1137
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1137
Who:
Defective Turret
Self test error
Listens:
1137
Who:
Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1133
Who:
Turret
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Core 3
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1124
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1123
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1123
Who:
Defective Turret
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1122
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1120
Who:
Announcer
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1119
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1118
Who:
Core 1
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Core 3
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1116
Who:
Core 1
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1115
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1112
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1111
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1111
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1109
Who:
Core 3
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1107
Who:
Wheatley
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1103
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1102
Who:
Turret
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Core 3
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1099
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1098
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1098
Who:
Turret
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1094
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1092
Who:
Turret
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1091
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1085
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Defective Turret
Space...
Listens:
1082
Who:
Core 1
I'm done.
Listens:
1079
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Core 2
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1072
Who:
Core 3
You win.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1067
Who:
Cave Johnson
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1064
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1064
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
1064
Who:
Turret
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1062
Who:
Announcer
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Announcer
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1052
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1050
Who:
Core 3
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Core 3
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1047
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Wheatley
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Announcer
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1044
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Announcer
I'm fine!
Listens:
1041
Who:
Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1040
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1040
Who:
Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1039
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Announcer
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 1
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1035
Who:
Defective Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1033
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1033
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1031
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1031
Who:
Turret
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1029
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1028
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1023
Who:
Core 1
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1022
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1021
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1019
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1017
Who:
Announcer
The end?
Listens:
1017
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1014
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1013
Who:
Announcer
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1012
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1011
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
1011
Who:
Turret
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1009
Who:
Defective Turret
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1007
Who:
Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Cave Johnson
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1004
Who:
Announcer
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1004
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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