Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
I am!
Listens:
974
Who:
Caroline
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
974
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
972
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
970
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
969
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
968
Who:
Core 3
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
967
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
965
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
965
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
964
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
958
Who:
Core 2
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
956
Who:
Core 3
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
954
Who:
Core 1
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
953
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
951
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
951
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
948
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
946
Who:
Defective Turret
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
942
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
935
Who:
Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
931
Who:
Core 3
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
931
Who:
Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
926
Who:
Core 1
Space...
Listens:
926
Who:
Core 1
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
926
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
925
Who:
Announcer
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
923
Who:
Core 3
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
922
Who:
Defective Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
919
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
919
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
919
Who:
Defective Turret
Self test error
Listens:
919
Who:
Turret
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
911
Who:
Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
908
Who:
Cave Johnson
Um, hello?
Listens:
904
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
903
Who:
Announcer
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
900
Who:
Core 3
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
898
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
896
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
896
Who:
Defective Turret
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
893
Who:
Turret
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
892
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
892
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
891
Who:
Announcer
I'm going to space.
Listens:
890
Who:
Core 1
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
890
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
889
Who:
Announcer
I blame myself.
Listens:
889
Who:
Turret
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
888
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
881
Who:
Core 1
Ahh!
Listens:
881
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
881
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
879
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
878
Who:
Turret
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
874
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
873
Who:
Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
870
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
870
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
869
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
866
Who:
Defective Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
865
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
864
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
862
Who:
Announcer
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
861
Who:
Announcer
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
860
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
859
Who:
Announcer
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
859
Who:
Cave Johnson
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
858
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
858
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
858
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
854
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
854
Who:
Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
853
Who:
Cave Johnson
Lady.
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 1
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
849
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
