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Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
856
Who:
Core 1
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
854
Who:
Core 3
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
854
Who:
Core 3
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
849
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
849
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
847
Who:
Caroline
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
840
Who:
Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
833
Who:
Defective Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
831
Who:
Core 1
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 3
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
823
Who:
Turret
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
822
Who:
Defective Turret
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
821
Who:
Defective Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
820
Who:
Cave Johnson
NO.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
809
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
809
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
807
Who:
Announcer
Space...
Listens:
807
Who:
Core 1
Sorry, what?
Listens:
806
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
803
Who:
Turret
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
802
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 1
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
799
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
796
Who:
Announcer
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
796
Who:
Core 3
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
795
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
791
Who:
Core 1
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
788
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
788
Who:
Wheatley
Self test error
Listens:
788
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
784
Who:
Announcer
I'm not defective!
Listens:
784
Who:
Defective Turret
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
779
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
774
Who:
Cave Johnson
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
772
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm done.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
771
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
767
Who:
Announcer
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 3
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
766
Who:
Cave Johnson
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
762
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
758
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 1
I blame myself.
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
755
Who:
Announcer
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
755
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
754
Who:
Announcer
That's all I can say.
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
750
Who:
Announcer
[laughs]
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
749
Who:
Announcer
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
746
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
746
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
746
Who:
Defective Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
743
Who:
Defective Turret
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
731
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
731
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
731
Who:
Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
728
Who:
Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
727
Who:
Turret
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
725
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
721
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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