Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1063
Who:
Cave Johnson
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1063
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1062
Who:
Core 1
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1062
Who:
Core 2
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1062
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1060
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1054
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1052
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1050
Who:
Core 1
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Core 3
Ahh!
Listens:
1049
Who:
Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1048
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1047
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1044
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1044
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Defective Turret
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 3
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1041
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1040
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1040
Who:
Defective Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
1039
Who:
Turret
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1034
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1031
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1030
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1030
Who:
Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1029
Who:
Announcer
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1027
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1027
Who:
Defective Turret
My fault
Listens:
1027
Who:
Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1025
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1025
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1022
Who:
Core 2
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Core 3
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1010
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
1009
Who:
Core 1
Remember that!
Listens:
1008
Who:
Turret
I'm done.
Listens:
1002
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1002
Who:
Defective Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1001
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1001
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1001
Who:
Turret
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
996
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
996
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
991
Who:
Core 3
You win.
Listens:
990
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
990
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
989
Who:
Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
988
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
984
Who:
Announcer
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
982
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
981
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
980
Who:
Core 3
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
978
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
977
Who:
Announcer
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
975
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
973
Who:
Cave Johnson
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
971
Who:
Announcer
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
970
Who:
Cave Johnson
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
968
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
962
Who:
Core 1
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
962
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
962
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
961
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
960
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
960
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
957
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
956
Who:
Core 3
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
955
Who:
Announcer
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
955
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
952
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
952
Who:
Announcer
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
950
Who:
Core 1
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
950
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
950
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough* Button.
Listens:
949
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
948
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
943
Who:
GLaDOS
The end?
Listens:
943
Who:
GLaDOS
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
942
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
942
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
942
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
941
Who:
Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
940
Who:
Announcer
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
937
Who:
Cave Johnson
Woooaaah!
Listens:
937
Who:
Turret
Crap!
Listens:
934
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
931
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
931
Who:
Announcer
Lady.
Listens:
930
Who:
Core 1
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
930
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
