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I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
883
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
882
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
880
Who:
Caroline
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
878
Who:
Core 3
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
876
Who:
Core 3
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
867
Who:
Defective Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
866
Who:
Core 1
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
864
Who:
Defective Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
857
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
852
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
850
Who:
Announcer
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
850
Who:
Core 3
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
843
Who:
Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
841
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sorry, what?
Listens:
841
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
838
Who:
Core 1
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
835
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
834
Who:
Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
828
Who:
Core 1
Self test error
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
826
Who:
Announcer
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
825
Who:
Announcer
I'm not defective!
Listens:
825
Who:
Defective Turret
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
819
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 1
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
816
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
814
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
812
Who:
Core 1
I'm done.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
809
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
807
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
806
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
804
Who:
Announcer
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
796
Who:
Core 3
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
793
Who:
Announcer
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
793
Who:
Turret
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
790
Who:
Defective Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
788
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
788
Who:
Defective Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
787
Who:
Announcer
Owwwww!
Listens:
787
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
786
Who:
Cave Johnson
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
785
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
785
Who:
Announcer
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
785
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 1
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
783
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ahh!
Listens:
782
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
782
Who:
Defective Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
781
Who:
Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
779
Who:
Turret
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
[laughs]
Listens:
776
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
GAAAA!
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
768
Who:
Turret
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
767
Who:
Wheatley
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
766
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
765
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
762
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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