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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Listens:
1167
Who:
Announcer
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1165
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
1161
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1159
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1159
Who:
Defective Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1154
Who:
Turret
Self test error
Listens:
1153
Who:
Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Core 3
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1151
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1149
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1148
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 1
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1137
Who:
Core 3
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1137
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1136
Who:
Announcer
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1135
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1135
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1135
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1134
Who:
Core 1
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1133
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1132
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1131
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1127
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1124
Who:
Wheatley
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1122
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Core 3
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1116
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Core 3
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1111
Who:
Turret
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1109
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1109
Who:
Turret
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1107
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1107
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1105
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1105
Who:
Wheatley
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1102
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
1101
Who:
Core 1
Remember that!
Listens:
1101
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1100
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1096
Who:
Core 1
I'm done.
Listens:
1094
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1093
Who:
Core 3
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1085
Who:
Cave Johnson
You win.
Listens:
1085
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Core 2
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1082
Who:
Turret
Oh!
Listens:
1078
Who:
Turret
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Announcer
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1075
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Announcer
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1072
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1063
Who:
Core 3
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1062
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1060
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
1060
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Announcer
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1054
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1054
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1053
Who:
Turret
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1052
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1051
Who:
Announcer
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1051
Who:
Turret
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1050
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1050
Who:
Announcer
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1050
Who:
Core 1
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1050
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1048
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1043
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Turret
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Wheatley
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 1
The end?
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1034
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1034
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1029
Who:
Announcer
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1029
Who:
Defective Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1027
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1025
Who:
Core 1
Take me with you...
Listens:
1024
Who:
Turret
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1022
Who:
Defective Turret
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1022
Who:
Turret
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1021
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1021
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Cave Johnson
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1019
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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