Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1203
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Defective Turret
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1202
Who:
Core 3
Space!
Listens:
1199
Who:
Core 1
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1199
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1194
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1192
Who:
Core 1
Press the button!
Listens:
1192
Who:
GLaDOS
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1184
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1180
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1180
Who:
Defective Turret
Self test error
Listens:
1180
Who:
Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1177
Who:
Announcer
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Core 3
GAAAA!
Listens:
1173
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1168
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1167
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1164
Who:
Defective Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1162
Who:
Core 1
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1162
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1159
Who:
Core 3
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1154
Who:
Core 3
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1154
Who:
Wheatley
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1153
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1152
Who:
Core 1
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1141
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1141
Who:
Turret
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1139
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1139
Who:
Wheatley
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1137
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1135
Who:
Core 3
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1135
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1134
Who:
Core 1
I'm done.
Listens:
1134
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1134
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1131
Who:
Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1130
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1130
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
1126
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1124
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1124
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1123
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Core 3
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Announcer
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Core 1
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1112
Who:
Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1109
Who:
Cave Johnson
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Announcer
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1105
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
1101
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1100
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1099
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1097
Who:
Announcer
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1094
Who:
Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1091
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1090
Who:
Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1088
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1086
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Announcer
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Core 3
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
1082
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1081
Who:
Announcer
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1079
Who:
Core 3
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1073
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1072
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1069
Who:
Defective Turret
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1067
Who:
GLaDOS
The end?
Listens:
1066
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1066
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1065
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1065
Who:
GLaDOS
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1064
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
1064
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Core 1
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1061
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1061
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1058
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1058
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Announcer
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Defective Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Announcer
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1054
Who:
Announcer
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1052
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1051
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
