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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Listens:
990
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
990
Who:
Wheatley
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
989
Who:
GLaDOS
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
989
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
983
Who:
Core 1
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
983
Who:
Core 3
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
982
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
982
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
980
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
979
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
979
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
979
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
977
Who:
Core 2
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
976
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
976
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
974
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
969
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
969
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
965
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
964
Who:
Core 3
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
962
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
961
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
959
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
956
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
955
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
954
Who:
Turret
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
953
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
953
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
950
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
949
Who:
Turret
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
948
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
946
Who:
Core 1
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
942
Who:
Announcer
Space...
Listens:
941
Who:
Core 1
Owwwww!
Listens:
941
Who:
Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
938
Who:
Core 3
Self test error
Listens:
937
Who:
Turret
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
936
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
936
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
932
Who:
Core 3
Remember that!
Listens:
930
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
928
Who:
Wheatley
Um, hello?
Listens:
925
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
924
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
922
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
919
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
918
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
913
Who:
Announcer
You win.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
910
Who:
Announcer
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
908
Who:
Announcer
I'm done.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
905
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
904
Who:
Core 3
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
904
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
902
Who:
Core 1
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
899
Who:
Core 1
Malfunctioning
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
898
Who:
Defective Turret
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
897
Who:
GLaDOS
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
895
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
891
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
891
Who:
Turret
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
890
Who:
Defective Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
885
Who:
Cave Johnson
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
885
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
883
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
879
Who:
Announcer
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
878
Who:
Announcer
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
876
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
875
Who:
Announcer
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
874
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
874
Who:
Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
873
Who:
Announcer
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
872
Who:
Cave Johnson
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
872
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
872
Who:
Wheatley
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
870
Who:
Cave Johnson
Lady.
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
865
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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