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I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 1
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
867
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
867
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
865
Who:
Defective Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
864
Who:
Core 3
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
863
Who:
Core 3
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
862
Who:
Core 3
I am!
Listens:
857
Who:
Caroline
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
849
Who:
Core 1
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
848
Who:
Defective Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
847
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
844
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
842
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
837
Who:
Core 3
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
837
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
835
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
833
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
832
Who:
Announcer
Sorry, what?
Listens:
829
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
829
Who:
Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
825
Who:
Core 1
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
822
Who:
Turret
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
816
Who:
Core 1
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
811
Who:
Announcer
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
810
Who:
Announcer
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
Self test error
Listens:
810
Who:
Turret
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
809
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
809
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
807
Who:
Core 1
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
807
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 3
You win.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
799
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
798
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
794
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
791
Who:
Announcer
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
789
Who:
Core 3
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
786
Who:
Announcer
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
786
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
785
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
781
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm done.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
776
Who:
Announcer
That's all I can say.
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
776
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
775
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey lady.
Listens:
775
Who:
Core 1
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
775
Who:
Defective Turret
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
773
Who:
Announcer
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
772
Who:
Core 3
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
772
Who:
Defective Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
771
Who:
Announcer
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
771
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
771
Who:
Wheatley
Malfunctioning
Listens:
768
Who:
Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
767
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
763
Who:
Turret
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
761
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
760
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
760
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
758
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
757
Who:
Turret
Ahh!
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
752
Who:
Cave Johnson
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
751
Who:
Announcer
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
747
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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