Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
New template accepted.
Listens:
929
Who:
Announcer
Sir!
Listens:
928
Who:
Caroline
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
926
Who:
Caroline
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
926
Who:
Core 2
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
925
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
922
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
921
Who:
Core 3
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
917
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
915
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
912
Who:
Core 3
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
909
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
908
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
907
Who:
Core 1
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
907
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
905
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
904
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
903
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
901
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
897
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
896
Who:
Core 3
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
893
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
884
Who:
Core 1
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
884
Who:
Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 1
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
878
Who:
Announcer
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
878
Who:
Announcer
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
877
Who:
Core 3
Self test error
Listens:
877
Who:
Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
875
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
875
Who:
Turret
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
871
Who:
Defective Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
866
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
863
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
858
Who:
Core 1
I blame myself.
Listens:
858
Who:
Turret
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
854
Who:
Core 1
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
849
Who:
Announcer
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
847
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
844
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
842
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 3
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
838
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
835
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
834
Who:
Defective Turret
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
833
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
833
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
833
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
828
Who:
Announcer
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
828
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
828
Who:
Defective Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
827
Who:
Turret
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
826
Who:
Defective Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
822
Who:
Announcer
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
821
Who:
Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
820
Who:
Turret
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
819
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
819
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
818
Who:
Announcer
GAAAA!
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
816
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
