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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Blah.
Listens:
1043
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1042
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1039
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1038
Who:
Core 1
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1034
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1034
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1031
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1031
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1031
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1030
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1029
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1025
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1024
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1022
Who:
Core 1
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1022
Who:
Defective Turret
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 3
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 3
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1016
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1015
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1014
Who:
Defective Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 3
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 2
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1011
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1011
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1011
Who:
Defective Turret
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1008
Who:
Turret
My fault
Listens:
1008
Who:
Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Announcer
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1001
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1001
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1000
Who:
Defective Turret
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
999
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
996
Who:
Core 3
Space...
Listens:
993
Who:
Core 1
Um, hello?
Listens:
991
Who:
Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
989
Who:
Core 1
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
984
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
984
Who:
Turret
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
983
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
982
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
981
Who:
Wheatley
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
979
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
978
Who:
Core 3
Ah, crap.
Listens:
977
Who:
Defective Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
976
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
974
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
972
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
972
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
969
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
967
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
962
Who:
Core 3
Malfunctioning
Listens:
962
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
960
Who:
Announcer
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
959
Who:
Cave Johnson
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
956
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
953
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
952
Who:
Announcer
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
947
Who:
Announcer
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
946
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
945
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
944
Who:
Core 1
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
943
Who:
Cave Johnson
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
942
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
942
Who:
Defective Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
938
Who:
Announcer
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
938
Who:
Core 3
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
938
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
938
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
936
Who:
Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
936
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
935
Who:
Core 1
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
934
Who:
Announcer
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
929
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
929
Who:
Defective Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
928
Who:
Announcer
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
922
Who:
Defective Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
921
Who:
Announcer
Woooaaah!
Listens:
920
Who:
Turret
The end?
Listens:
918
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
917
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
916
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
913
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
911
Who:
Announcer
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
911
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
910
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
908
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
908
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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