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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
1473
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1472
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1471
Who:
Caroline
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1465
Who:
Core 2
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1464
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1461
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
1460
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
1457
Who:
Announcer
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1448
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1440
Who:
Caroline
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1435
Who:
Core 2
I'm in space.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Core 1
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1425
Who:
Cave Johnson
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1418
Who:
Announcer
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1414
Who:
Core 3
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1414
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1412
Who:
Announcer
Activated
Listens:
1412
Who:
Turret
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1390
Who:
Wheatley
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1364
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1357
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1353
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1345
Who:
Announcer
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1344
Who:
Core 3
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1344
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1344
Who:
Defective Turret
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Core 3
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1335
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1335
Who:
Turret
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1333
Who:
Core 1
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Announcer
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Cave Johnson
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1320
Who:
Wheatley
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1320
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1311
Who:
Turret
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1309
Who:
Core 3
Template
Listens:
1306
Who:
Announcer
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Announcer
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1292
Who:
Wheatley
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1289
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1286
Who:
Turret
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1276
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1274
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1268
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1268
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1266
Who:
Core 3
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1263
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1260
Who:
GLaDOS
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1256
Who:
Defective Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1253
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1245
Who:
Core 1
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1244
Who:
Core 3
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1239
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1232
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
1230
Who:
Announcer
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1223
Who:
Core 1
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1221
Who:
Wheatley
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1217
Who:
GLaDOS
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1212
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1211
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1208
Who:
Announcer
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1204
Who:
Defective Turret
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1202
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1202
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1191
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1191
Who:
Core 3
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1190
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Core 1
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Announcer
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Wheatley
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1181
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
1180
Who:
Wheatley
Crap.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Defective Turret
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1175
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1173
Who:
Announcer
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1173
Who:
Defective Turret
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1172
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1169
Who:
Wheatley
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Core 1
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1159
Who:
Turret
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1158
Who:
Wheatley
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Announcer
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Wheatley
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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