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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2147
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in space!
Listens:
2147
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
2146
Who:
Core 1
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2144
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
2133
Who:
Turret
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2128
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2121
Who:
Turret
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2110
Who:
Core 2
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2109
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2101
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2092
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2087
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2071
Who:
Defective Turret
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2063
Who:
Core 1
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2062
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2062
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2043
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2038
Who:
Turret
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2033
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2031
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2030
Who:
Caroline
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2017
Who:
Announcer
[laughs]
Listens:
2017
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
2016
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2011
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2004
Who:
Core 2
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2004
Who:
Wheatley
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2003
Who:
Announcer
Why?
Listens:
1997
Who:
Turret
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1994
Who:
Turret
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1992
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1991
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1990
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1983
Who:
Core 3
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1974
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1964
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1946
Who:
Core 3
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1935
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1931
Who:
Defective Turret
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1927
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1926
Who:
Core 2
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1921
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotcha!
Listens:
1920
Who:
Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1919
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1912
Who:
Defective Turret
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1908
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1903
Who:
Announcer
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1903
Who:
Cave Johnson
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1898
Who:
Caroline
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1895
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1883
Who:
Turret
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1877
Who:
Defective Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1862
Who:
Core 2
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1861
Who:
Core 1
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1857
Who:
Announcer
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1856
Who:
Wheatley
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1853
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1853
Who:
Turret
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1849
Who:
Announcer
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1842
Who:
Core 3
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1836
Who:
Core 3
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1831
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1828
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1823
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1821
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1818
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1813
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1805
Who:
Turret
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1803
Who:
Announcer
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1802
Who:
Cave Johnson
Whee!
Listens:
1796
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1793
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1780
Who:
Defective Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
1779
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
1777
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1772
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
1770
Who:
Turret
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1768
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1756
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1756
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
1756
Who:
Defective Turret
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1753
Who:
Announcer
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1751
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1747
Who:
Core 2
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1740
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1739
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1737
Who:
Cave Johnson
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1736
Who:
Core 1
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1730
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1728
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
1725
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1724
Who:
Announcer
We're back!
Listens:
1722
Who:
Defective Turret
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
1720
Who:
Defective Turret
This is not good.
Listens:
1720
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
1720
Who:
Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
1719
Who:
Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1718
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1715
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1707
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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