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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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I'm in space.
Listens:
1973
Who:
Core 1
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
1970
Who:
Core 3
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1962
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
1957
Who:
Announcer
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1948
Who:
Announcer
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
1937
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1933
Who:
Core 1
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
1933
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1927
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1921
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1912
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1909
Who:
Core 2
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1899
Who:
Caroline
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1886
Who:
Turret
Crap.
Listens:
1883
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1881
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1871
Who:
Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1870
Who:
Core 3
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1864
Who:
Core 1
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1864
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1860
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1853
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1852
Who:
Announcer
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1849
Who:
Core 3
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1839
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1834
Who:
GLaDOS
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1827
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1822
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1821
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1819
Who:
Core 3
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1818
Who:
Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1810
Who:
Core 2
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1809
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1795
Who:
Turret
Why?
Listens:
1784
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1782
Who:
Core 2
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1778
Who:
Caroline
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1775
Who:
Cave Johnson
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1773
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1773
Who:
Defective Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1766
Who:
GLaDOS
[laughs]
Listens:
1763
Who:
Wheatley
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1754
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
1738
Who:
Wheatley
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1734
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1715
Who:
Core 3
Gotcha!
Listens:
1715
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1714
Who:
Defective Turret
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1707
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1698
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1695
Who:
Cave Johnson
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1695
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1694
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1694
Who:
Core 3
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1692
Who:
Announcer
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1691
Who:
Core 1
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1690
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1686
Who:
Turret
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1685
Who:
Announcer
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1684
Who:
Announcer
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1679
Who:
Core 2
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1678
Who:
Wheatley
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1670
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1651
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1648
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1645
Who:
Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1641
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1635
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1634
Who:
Core 1
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1633
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1632
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1631
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1630
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1623
Who:
Cave Johnson
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1622
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1618
Who:
Announcer
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1615
Who:
GLaDOS
Whee!
Listens:
1615
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
1614
Who:
Turret
Hi there!
Listens:
1608
Who:
Defective Turret
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1601
Who:
Core 3
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1600
Who:
Defective Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1596
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1594
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1592
Who:
Announcer
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1589
Who:
Announcer
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1587
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1586
Who:
Wheatley
We're back!
Listens:
1582
Who:
Defective Turret
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1575
Who:
GLaDOS
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
1574
Who:
Turret
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Wheatley
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1565
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1563
Who:
Core 1
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1559
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1559
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1553
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is not good.
Listens:
1553
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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