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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1785
Who:
Core 1
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
1785
Who:
GLaDOS
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
1785
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1783
Who:
Announcer
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
1782
Who:
Wheatley
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
1780
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1756
Who:
Core 3
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1753
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1749
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1747
Who:
Caroline
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1746
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1744
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1740
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1739
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1721
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1721
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1717
Who:
Core 3
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1717
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1716
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1709
Who:
Core 1
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1705
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1700
Who:
Core 2
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1688
Who:
Announcer
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1682
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1679
Who:
Core 2
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1665
Who:
Announcer
Response
Listens:
1665
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1663
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1649
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1640
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1629
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1627
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1627
Who:
Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1615
Who:
Caroline
Crap.
Listens:
1613
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1611
Who:
Core 3
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1608
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1600
Who:
Defective Turret
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1598
Who:
Core 3
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1590
Who:
Core 2
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1590
Who:
Defective Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
1585
Who:
Wheatley
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1578
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1576
Who:
Core 3
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1575
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1566
Who:
Turret
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1563
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1553
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1547
Who:
Turret
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1546
Who:
Wheatley
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1545
Who:
Announcer
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1543
Who:
Core 1
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1538
Who:
Wheatley
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1534
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
1532
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1528
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Cave Johnson
Why?
Listens:
1525
Who:
Turret
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1523
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1519
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1516
Who:
Core 3
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1515
Who:
Announcer
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1508
Who:
Core 1
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1508
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1507
Who:
Defective Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1505
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1504
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1502
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1498
Who:
Announcer
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1494
Who:
Cave Johnson
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1487
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1481
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gotcha!
Listens:
1479
Who:
Turret
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1458
Who:
GLaDOS
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1458
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1454
Who:
GLaDOS
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1450
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1448
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1447
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1439
Who:
Core 1
Ahahaha
Listens:
1438
Who:
Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1433
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me
Listens:
1432
Who:
Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1431
Who:
Wheatley
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1430
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1429
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1423
Who:
Announcer
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1419
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Cave Johnson
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1417
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1417
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1412
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1409
Who:
Turret
We're back!
Listens:
1408
Who:
Defective Turret
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1406
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1406
Who:
Defective Turret
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1405
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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