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But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1697
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1694
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1691
Who:
Core 1
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1691
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1686
Who:
Wheatley
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1685
Who:
Announcer
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1682
Who:
Core 2
Hello.
Listens:
1672
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1671
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1670
Who:
Core 3
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1668
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1662
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1660
Who:
Turret
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1656
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1654
Who:
Caroline
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1633
Who:
Core 2
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1627
Who:
Announcer
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1619
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1614
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1600
Who:
Wheatley
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1597
Who:
Announcer
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1579
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
1577
Who:
Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1576
Who:
Caroline
Response
Listens:
1570
Who:
Announcer
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1564
Who:
Core 2
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1563
Who:
GLaDOS
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1556
Who:
Core 3
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1554
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1554
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1549
Who:
Core 3
There you are
Listens:
1544
Who:
Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1533
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1528
Who:
Defective Turret
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1527
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1520
Who:
Core 3
Crap.
Listens:
1511
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1509
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1503
Who:
Defective Turret
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1499
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1497
Who:
Wheatley
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1491
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1488
Who:
Announcer
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1488
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1487
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1486
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1483
Who:
Core 1
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1483
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Core 3
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1473
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1471
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Turret
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1460
Who:
Announcer
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1460
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1456
Who:
Cave Johnson
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1456
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1456
Who:
Turret
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1450
Who:
Defective Turret
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1448
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1444
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1441
Who:
Turret
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1440
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1435
Who:
Announcer
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1434
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1431
Who:
Core 1
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1429
Who:
Defective Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1425
Who:
Cave Johnson
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1419
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1411
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotcha!
Listens:
1406
Who:
Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1395
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1389
Who:
Wheatley
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Turret
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1382
Who:
Core 3
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1382
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1381
Who:
Core 1
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1381
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1377
Who:
Cave Johnson
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1370
Who:
Core 3
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1369
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1367
Who:
Core 1
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1364
Who:
Turret
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1362
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1359
Who:
Announcer
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1359
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me
Listens:
1357
Who:
Turret
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1355
Who:
Wheatley
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1353
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1347
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1343
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1343
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Core 1
We're back!
Listens:
1341
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1339
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1335
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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