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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2178
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2175
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm in space.
Listens:
2173
Who:
Core 1
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Cave Johnson
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2162
Who:
Core 3
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2153
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2144
Who:
Turret
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2136
Who:
Core 2
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2135
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2130
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
2129
Who:
Turret
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2113
Who:
Core 3
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2110
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2106
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
2091
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2090
Who:
Defective Turret
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2084
Who:
Core 1
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2079
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2075
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2069
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2066
Who:
Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2059
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2056
Who:
Caroline
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2056
Who:
Core 1
[laughs]
Listens:
2052
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2038
Who:
Announcer
Why?
Listens:
2038
Who:
Turret
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2033
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2032
Who:
Announcer
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2032
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2028
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2024
Who:
Core 2
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2014
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2009
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2001
Who:
Core 3
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2001
Who:
Core 2
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1986
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1984
Who:
Wheatley
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1965
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotcha!
Listens:
1955
Who:
Turret
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1951
Who:
Defective Turret
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1948
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1947
Who:
Defective Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1945
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1938
Who:
Announcer
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1936
Who:
Defective Turret
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1926
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1923
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1920
Who:
Caroline
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1918
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target aquired.
Listens:
1912
Who:
Turret
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1902
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1895
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1886
Who:
Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1885
Who:
Wheatley
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1884
Who:
Core 1
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1875
Who:
Core 2
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1868
Who:
Announcer
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1868
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1866
Who:
Core 3
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1858
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1858
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1855
Who:
Core 3
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1854
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1854
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1853
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1840
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ahahaha
Listens:
1835
Who:
Turret
Whee!
Listens:
1829
Who:
Turret
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1828
Who:
Announcer
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1827
Who:
Cave Johnson
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1813
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1811
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me
Listens:
1808
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
1807
Who:
Turret
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1805
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1795
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
1794
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1789
Who:
GLaDOS
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1781
Who:
Announcer
Hi there!
Listens:
1780
Who:
Defective Turret
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1770
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1767
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1765
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1764
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1763
Who:
Core 2
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1756
Who:
Core 1
There you are
Listens:
1752
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
1752
Who:
Turret
This is not good.
Listens:
1749
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
1748
Who:
Turret
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1747
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
1747
Who:
Defective Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
1746
Who:
Turret
We're back!
Listens:
1745
Who:
Defective Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1740
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1731
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1729
Who:
Core 1
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1728
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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