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Portal 2
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So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1648
Who:
GLaDOS
Activated
Listens:
1643
Who:
Turret
I'm in space.
Listens:
1634
Who:
Core 1
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1632
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1632
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1630
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1625
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1624
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1622
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1619
Who:
Announcer
Template
Listens:
1609
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1607
Who:
Caroline
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1602
Who:
Core 2
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1588
Who:
Announcer
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1588
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello.
Listens:
1576
Who:
Defective Turret
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1575
Who:
Announcer
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1562
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1559
Who:
Wheatley
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1547
Who:
Announcer
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1544
Who:
Cave Johnson
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1543
Who:
Caroline
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1540
Who:
Core 2
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1540
Who:
Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1527
Who:
GLaDOS
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1515
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
1503
Who:
Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1498
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
1496
Who:
Announcer
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1491
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1481
Who:
Core 3
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Core 3
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1470
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1467
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1466
Who:
Turret
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1464
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1460
Who:
Wheatley
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1455
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Cave Johnson
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Wheatley
Crap.
Listens:
1449
Who:
Defective Turret
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Core 3
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1442
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1441
Who:
Announcer
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1439
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1434
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1431
Who:
Cave Johnson
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1428
Who:
Core 1
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1420
Who:
Wheatley
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1415
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1412
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1411
Who:
Announcer
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1400
Who:
Wheatley
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1396
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1392
Who:
Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1384
Who:
Core 1
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1376
Who:
Announcer
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1374
Who:
Turret
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1372
Who:
Defective Turret
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1371
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
1371
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1370
Who:
GLaDOS
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1365
Who:
Wheatley
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1361
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1361
Who:
GLaDOS
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1360
Who:
Core 3
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1360
Who:
Wheatley
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1357
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1353
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1344
Who:
Core 1
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1344
Who:
Defective Turret
Why?
Listens:
1338
Who:
Turret
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1333
Who:
Core 3
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1331
Who:
Announcer
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1328
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1318
Who:
Wheatley
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1316
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1314
Who:
Core 3
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1313
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1313
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1312
Who:
Core 1
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1312
Who:
Wheatley
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1309
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1307
Who:
Announcer
Target aquired.
Listens:
1307
Who:
Turret
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1305
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1304
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Core 1
Excuse me
Listens:
1296
Who:
Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
1294
Who:
Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1292
Who:
Wheatley
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1288
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1288
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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