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Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1676
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1673
Who:
Announcer
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1673
Who:
Core 2
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1668
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1666
Who:
Core 1
Template
Listens:
1660
Who:
Announcer
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1655
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1655
Who:
GLaDOS
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1654
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1647
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1643
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1633
Who:
Caroline
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1626
Who:
Announcer
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1623
Who:
Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1615
Who:
Core 2
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1609
Who:
Announcer
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1601
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1589
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1585
Who:
Wheatley
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1578
Who:
Announcer
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1566
Who:
Cave Johnson
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1563
Who:
Caroline
Hello?
Listens:
1554
Who:
Turret
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1551
Who:
Core 2
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1549
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
1536
Who:
Announcer
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1532
Who:
Core 3
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1526
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1512
Who:
Wheatley
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1511
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1506
Who:
Core 3
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1505
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1499
Who:
Turret
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Core 3
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1487
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1484
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1481
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1478
Who:
Defective Turret
Crap.
Listens:
1476
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1474
Who:
Wheatley
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1471
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1470
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1467
Who:
Announcer
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1464
Who:
Core 3
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1461
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1460
Who:
GLaDOS
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1454
Who:
Core 1
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1443
Who:
Cave Johnson
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Wheatley
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Wheatley
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1430
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1427
Who:
Wheatley
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1426
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Turret
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1424
Who:
Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1412
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
1411
Who:
Wheatley
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1407
Who:
Core 1
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Cave Johnson
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Defective Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1398
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1395
Who:
GLaDOS
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1388
Who:
Wheatley
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1387
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
1384
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1381
Who:
Defective Turret
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1377
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
1375
Who:
Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1373
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1372
Who:
GLaDOS
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1369
Who:
Core 3
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1365
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1361
Who:
Core 1
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1355
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Announcer
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1347
Who:
Core 3
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1345
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1344
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1342
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Core 1
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1338
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1338
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1336
Who:
Announcer
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1334
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1332
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1332
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1327
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1326
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excuse me
Listens:
1325
Who:
Turret
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1322
Who:
Core 1
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1322
Who:
Wheatley
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1320
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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