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Portal 2
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You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
1853
Who:
GLaDOS
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
1853
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1849
Who:
Core 2
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1843
Who:
Core 1
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
1842
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
1836
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1834
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1817
Who:
Announcer
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1815
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1811
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1807
Who:
Caroline
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1803
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1798
Who:
Core 3
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1793
Who:
Turret
Response
Listens:
1790
Who:
Announcer
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1790
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1787
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1772
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1768
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1768
Who:
GLaDOS
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1759
Who:
Announcer
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1752
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1751
Who:
Core 3
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1742
Who:
Cave Johnson
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1736
Who:
Announcer
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1736
Who:
Core 2
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1735
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
1732
Who:
Turret
Crap.
Listens:
1706
Who:
Defective Turret
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1701
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1697
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1695
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1695
Who:
Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1693
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1687
Who:
Core 3
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1676
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1669
Who:
Defective Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1667
Who:
Caroline
[laughs]
Listens:
1666
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1656
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1656
Who:
Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1644
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1637
Who:
Core 3
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1634
Who:
Turret
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1626
Who:
Core 2
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1621
Who:
Core 3
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1620
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
1619
Who:
Wheatley
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1616
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1615
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1615
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1613
Who:
Turret
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1600
Who:
Wheatley
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1598
Who:
Announcer
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1589
Who:
Core 1
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1588
Who:
Announcer
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1588
Who:
Defective Turret
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1587
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1587
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1583
Who:
Core 1
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1580
Who:
Announcer
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1580
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1577
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1571
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
1562
Who:
Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1557
Who:
Cave Johnson
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1554
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1554
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1552
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1551
Who:
Core 3
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1548
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1548
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1543
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1542
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1534
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1526
Who:
Turret
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1522
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1513
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1512
Who:
Announcer
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1507
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me
Listens:
1503
Who:
Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
1502
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1492
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1491
Who:
Core 1
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1491
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1487
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1485
Who:
Core 1
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1482
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
1479
Who:
Defective Turret
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1477
Who:
Announcer
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1473
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1471
Who:
Defective Turret
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1469
Who:
Cave Johnson
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1469
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
1468
Who:
Defective Turret
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1463
Who:
Core 1
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1462
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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