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I'm in space.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Core 1
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
1883
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1872
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1868
Who:
Core 1
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1867
Who:
Core 2
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
1862
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
1856
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1853
Who:
Announcer
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1840
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1834
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1833
Who:
Caroline
Response
Listens:
1826
Who:
Announcer
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1819
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1814
Who:
Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1811
Who:
Core 3
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1807
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1804
Who:
Core 3
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1801
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1800
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1799
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1798
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1796
Who:
Core 1
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1784
Who:
Announcer
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1764
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1763
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1761
Who:
Announcer
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1756
Who:
Core 2
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1753
Who:
Core 2
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1752
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
1752
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1739
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1735
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1726
Who:
Turret
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1720
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1711
Who:
Defective Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1708
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1697
Who:
Caroline
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1697
Who:
Defective Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
1695
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1692
Who:
Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1684
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1673
Who:
Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1669
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1660
Who:
Core 3
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1650
Who:
Defective Turret
Why?
Listens:
1648
Who:
Turret
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1645
Who:
Core 2
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1641
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1640
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
1639
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Cave Johnson
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1633
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1624
Who:
Announcer
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1618
Who:
Announcer
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1618
Who:
Announcer
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1617
Who:
Wheatley
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1612
Who:
Core 1
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1612
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1612
Who:
Defective Turret
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1610
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1607
Who:
GLaDOS
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1602
Who:
Core 1
Gotcha!
Listens:
1594
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1591
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1581
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1574
Who:
Cave Johnson
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1570
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1569
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1568
Who:
GLaDOS
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1566
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1565
Who:
Core 3
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1561
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Wheatley
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1554
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1553
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1553
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1547
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1546
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1543
Who:
Announcer
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1541
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1538
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1533
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
1531
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1525
Who:
Announcer
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1522
Who:
Defective Turret
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1521
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1513
Who:
Core 1
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1512
Who:
Announcer
Hi there!
Listens:
1512
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1506
Who:
Core 1
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1506
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1501
Who:
Defective Turret
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1497
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1495
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
1494
Who:
Defective Turret
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1491
Who:
Cave Johnson
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1490
Who:
GLaDOS
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1484
Who:
Core 1
Whee!
Listens:
1484
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
1482
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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