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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1512
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1511
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
1507
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1501
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1494
Who:
Caroline
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1490
Who:
Core 2
Good!
Listens:
1484
Who:
Announcer
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1482
Who:
Cave Johnson
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1482
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1480
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Core 1
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1456
Who:
Core 2
Activated
Listens:
1456
Who:
Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1452
Who:
Caroline
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1450
Who:
Announcer
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1447
Who:
Cave Johnson
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1447
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1435
Who:
Announcer
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1432
Who:
Core 3
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1410
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1406
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1393
Who:
Announcer
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1383
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1377
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1374
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1369
Who:
Turret
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1368
Who:
Core 3
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1365
Who:
Core 3
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1357
Who:
Core 1
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Announcer
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1351
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1349
Who:
Cave Johnson
Template
Listens:
1348
Who:
Announcer
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Core 3
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Wheatley
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1340
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1340
Who:
Turret
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1337
Who:
Announcer
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1337
Who:
Wheatley
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1322
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1320
Who:
Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1316
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1316
Who:
Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1309
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1297
Who:
Cave Johnson
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1296
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1291
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1291
Who:
Defective Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1290
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1289
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1281
Who:
Core 3
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1278
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
1273
Who:
Announcer
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1273
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1263
Who:
Core 1
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1261
Who:
Core 1
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1260
Who:
Core 3
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1260
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1259
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1251
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1245
Who:
Defective Turret
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1238
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1235
Who:
Announcer
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1235
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
1234
Who:
Defective Turret
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1228
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Wheatley
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1221
Who:
Cave Johnson
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1219
Who:
Announcer
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1219
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
1217
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1216
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1214
Who:
Core 3
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1214
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1212
Who:
Wheatley
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1212
Who:
Defective Turret
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1211
Who:
Defective Turret
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1207
Who:
Core 1
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1207
Who:
Turret
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1199
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1192
Who:
Core 1
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1192
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1183
Who:
Turret
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Announcer
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Wheatley
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1177
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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