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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1621
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1616
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1611
Who:
Core 1
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1606
Who:
Core 3
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1606
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1604
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1601
Who:
Announcer
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1601
Who:
GLaDOS
Activated
Listens:
1598
Who:
Turret
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1595
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1592
Who:
Caroline
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1578
Who:
Core 2
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Cave Johnson
Template
Listens:
1560
Who:
Announcer
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1556
Who:
Announcer
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1556
Who:
Announcer
Hello.
Listens:
1539
Who:
Defective Turret
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1532
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1528
Who:
Core 2
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1521
Who:
Caroline
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1512
Who:
Turret
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1509
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1503
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1501
Who:
GLaDOS
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1498
Who:
Core 3
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1477
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1465
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1465
Who:
Turret
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1458
Who:
Core 3
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1457
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1455
Who:
Core 3
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1449
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1444
Who:
Cave Johnson
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1443
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1442
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1442
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1441
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Defective Turret
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1439
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1432
Who:
Turret
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1425
Who:
Announcer
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1425
Who:
Cave Johnson
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1424
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1423
Who:
Core 3
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1416
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1406
Who:
Defective Turret
Crap.
Listens:
1406
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1401
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1400
Who:
Cave Johnson
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1400
Who:
GLaDOS
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1394
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1387
Who:
Announcer
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1381
Who:
Wheatley
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1359
Who:
Defective Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1358
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1356
Who:
Core 1
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Turret
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1353
Who:
GLaDOS
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1349
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1349
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
1348
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1347
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1343
Who:
Announcer
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1341
Who:
GLaDOS
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Core 3
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1338
Who:
Turret
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1337
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1330
Who:
Core 1
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1330
Who:
Defective Turret
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Core 3
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1310
Who:
Announcer
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1307
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1307
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1304
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1304
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1301
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1300
Who:
Defective Turret
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1298
Who:
Cave Johnson
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1298
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1296
Who:
Core 1
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1296
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1287
Who:
Announcer
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1285
Who:
Core 1
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1284
Who:
Wheatley
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Turret
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1270
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
1268
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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