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[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
1818
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1815
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
1812
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1811
Who:
Core 1
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
1808
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
1805
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1792
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1780
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1778
Who:
Core 3
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
1774
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
1774
Who:
Caroline
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
1772
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1769
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1762
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1758
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
1744
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1743
Who:
Turret
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1738
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1737
Who:
GLaDOS
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1736
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1732
Who:
Core 3
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1714
Who:
Announcer
Response
Listens:
1714
Who:
Announcer
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1714
Who:
Core 2
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1705
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1702
Who:
Core 2
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1699
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1693
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1667
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1666
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1664
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1663
Who:
Turret
Crap.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1655
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1652
Who:
GLaDOS
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
1637
Who:
Caroline
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1637
Who:
Defective Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
1631
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1630
Who:
Defective Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1629
Who:
GLaDOS
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1613
Who:
Core 3
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1605
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1604
Who:
Core 2
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
1604
Who:
Turret
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1594
Who:
Core 3
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1592
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1587
Who:
Cave Johnson
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1577
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1575
Who:
Turret
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1572
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1572
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
1569
Who:
Wheatley
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1564
Who:
Announcer
Why?
Listens:
1563
Who:
Turret
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1557
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1556
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1554
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1552
Who:
Wheatley
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
1549
Who:
Defective Turret
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1548
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1541
Who:
Core 1
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1537
Who:
Announcer
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1533
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1532
Who:
Announcer
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1532
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1531
Who:
Core 3
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
1525
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1523
Who:
Wheatley
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1522
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1517
Who:
GLaDOS
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1516
Who:
Cave Johnson
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1509
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1508
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gotcha!
Listens:
1504
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1485
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1480
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
1475
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
1473
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1471
Who:
Core 1
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1469
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1468
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahahaha
Listens:
1467
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1461
Who:
Core 1
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1457
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
1452
Who:
Turret
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1448
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1443
Who:
Turret
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
1441
Who:
Announcer
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1440
Who:
Defective Turret
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1440
Who:
Defective Turret
Hi there!
Listens:
1439
Who:
Defective Turret
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1437
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1436
Who:
Core 1
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1435
Who:
Announcer
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1435
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1434
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1434
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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