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I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
454
Who:
Defective Turret
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
452
Who:
Core 2
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
450
Who:
Core 2
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
446
Who:
Core 3
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
446
Who:
Core 2
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
446
Who:
Defective Turret
There. Try it now.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
440
Who:
Defective Turret
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
434
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
431
Who:
Defective Turret
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
430
Who:
Core 2
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
428
Who:
Defective Turret
This time...
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
426
Who:
Defective Turret
Ow.
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
423
Who:
Defective Turret
ow.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
422
Who:
Defective Turret
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
419
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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