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Portal 2
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No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
358
Who:
Defective Turret
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
357
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Not so fast!
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
355
Who:
Core 3
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
355
Who:
Core 2
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
355
Who:
Core 2
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
345
Who:
Defective Turret
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
341
Who:
Core 2
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
340
Who:
Defective Turret
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
334
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
333
Who:
Defective Turret
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
332
Who:
Defective Turret
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
332
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
331
Who:
Core 2
Good.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
329
Who:
Core 2
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
327
Who:
Defective Turret
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
326
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
323
Who:
Defective Turret
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
322
Who:
Defective Turret
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
321
Who:
Core 2
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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