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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
963
Who:
Announcer
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1059
Who:
Defective Turret
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18795
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1991
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1210
Who:
Core 3
Keep moving, keep moving...
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1121
Who:
Defective Turret
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
Orange
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1476
Who:
Wheatley
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
875
Who:
Core 3
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
517
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
5484
Who:
GLaDOS
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4422
Who:
Core 3
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
28877
Who:
Announcer
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 3
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
409
Who:
Defective Turret
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
661
Who:
Core 3
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1412
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2468
Who:
Caroline
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1847
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
922
Who:
Announcer
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4200
Who:
GLaDOS
Hooray!
Listens:
5065
Who:
Turret
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1495
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
931
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2197
Who:
Core 2
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5808
Who:
Announcer
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1620
Who:
Defective Turret
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2472
Who:
Core 1
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9439
Who:
Caroline
Critical error
Listens:
13469
Who:
Turret
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
6025
Who:
Cave Johnson
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1266
Who:
Defective Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8325
Who:
Announcer
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2764
Who:
Core 1
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2510
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3901
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Get mad!
Listens:
34589
Who:
Turret
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1295
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
20719
Who:
Announcer
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1674
Who:
Cave Johnson
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
990
Who:
Core 2
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
480
Who:
Defective Turret
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
762
Who:
Defective Turret
You will know it when you find it.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Never on time.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
21898
Who:
Core 1
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2302
Who:
Core 1
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43083
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1992
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1454
Who:
GLaDOS
Activated
Listens:
2655
Who:
Turret
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
475
Who:
Core 2
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1200
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2419
Who:
Announcer
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
1294
Who:
Core 1
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ow!
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Paradoxes.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4717
Who:
Announcer
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1959
Who:
Core 2
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1234
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2094
Who:
Wheatley
You're on your own.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
480
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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