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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Nonononononono!
Listens:
5163
Who:
Defective Turret
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
23872
Who:
GLaDOS
This way! This way!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
236
Who:
Defective Turret
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
173
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
442
Who:
Core 3
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1622
Who:
Core 3
Right behind me.
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
954
Who:
Core 3
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
659
Who:
Core 2
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Irritable.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
923
Who:
Core 3
Rgggh!
Listens:
309
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6758
Who:
Core 2
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
1884
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
219
Who:
Wheatley
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
11302
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
638
Who:
Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
557
Who:
Core 3
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
166
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
265
Who:
Defective Turret
Hostile to new ideas.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
No can do.
Listens:
245
Who:
Defective Turret
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
279
Who:
Defective Turret
You did very well.
Listens:
212
Who:
GLaDOS
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
1990
Who:
Core 3
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1252
Who:
Core 3
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
803
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
7733
Who:
Wheatley
Can you see the portal gun?
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
245
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
1564
Who:
Announcer
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
186
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
3394
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hi?
Listens:
561
Who:
Turret
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
218
Who:
Wheatley
GO.
Listens:
657
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
558
Who:
Turret
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4982
Who:
Cave Johnson
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
164
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 1
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
968
Who:
Core 3
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1131
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1194
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
867
Who:
Turret
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
291
Who:
Defective Turret
What's going on in there?
Listens:
170
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4807
Who:
Core 3
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
14075
Who:
Wheatley
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
301
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9331
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
993
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
161
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
1874
Who:
Wheatley
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
245
Who:
Wheatley
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
764
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.
Listens:
211
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Announcer
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
245
Who:
Wheatley
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
776
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
171
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1094
Who:
Turret
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1172
Who:
Defective Turret
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
174
Who:
GLaDOS
Door?
Listens:
205
Who:
Wheatley
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
2924
Who:
GLaDOS
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5144
Who:
Wheatley
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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