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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2330
Who:
GLaDOS
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Wheatley
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3209
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4069
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Old.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3218
Who:
GLaDOS
You asked for this!
Listens:
319
Who:
Defective Turret
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
811
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Core 1
Um.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6311
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1819
Who:
GLaDOS
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Stubborn.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
16927
Who:
Caroline
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1195
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
904
Who:
Core 1
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5431
Who:
Core 2
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Cave Johnson
What'd I hit?
Listens:
325
Who:
Defective Turret
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
870
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2466
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 3
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2016
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
860
Who:
Defective Turret
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1423
Who:
GLaDOS
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
That's the spirit!
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
There. Try it now.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Ungh!
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
725
Who:
Core 3
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
94408
Who:
Defective Turret
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
231
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1592
Who:
Wheatley
Carry on.
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
New template accepted.
Listens:
1226
Who:
Announcer
Crap!
Listens:
1076
Who:
Defective Turret
Target lost
Listens:
3541
Who:
Turret
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
4343
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
530
Who:
Defective Turret
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
896
Who:
Wheatley
Incoherent.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
459
Who:
Wheatley
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Press it!
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
784
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
787
Who:
Turret
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1454
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
470
Who:
Core 3
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 2
Owwwww!
Listens:
1257
Who:
Turret
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
23186
Who:
Caroline
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1836
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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