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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1410
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Okay!
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
ow.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 2
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6993
Who:
Wheatley
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2106
Who:
Turret
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
980
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3344
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
904
Who:
Core 1
Please ping a white portalable surface.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
77420
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
2815
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
It burns.
Listens:
2860
Who:
Turret
What'd I hit?
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2750
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1688
Who:
Wheatley
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
I made it all up.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Wheatley
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2425
Who:
Core 3
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6511
Who:
GLaDOS
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 2
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1406
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8516
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
925
Who:
Turret
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1447
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4469
Who:
Defective Turret
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1975
Who:
Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 2
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
2825
Who:
Announcer
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1216
Who:
Defective Turret
Fears conflict.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Core 3
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
529
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2306
Who:
Announcer
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1670
Who:
Core 1
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1560
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Emotional problems.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3138
Who:
Caroline
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
452
Who:
Defective Turret
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
19301
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
10750
Who:
Announcer
Get ready for it!
Listens:
371
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on -
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
757
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
We are?
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2004
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
503
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3543
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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