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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Earth earth earth.
Listens:
741
Who:
Core 1
I'm trouble.
Listens:
233
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
841
Who:
Wheatley
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1142
Who:
Cave Johnson
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
7743
Who:
Announcer
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
371
Who:
Core 2
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
738
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
677
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
919
Who:
Defective Turret
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3154
Who:
Core 2
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
189
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
558
Who:
Core 2
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
87721
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
1621
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
155
Who:
Wheatley
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
182
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1413
Who:
Announcer
Look!
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
167050
Who:
Wheatley
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
158
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
418
Who:
Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
5286
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
542
Who:
Turret
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
164
Who:
GLaDOS
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Good Job.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
953
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Alright.
Listens:
231
Who:
Defective Turret
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
485
Who:
Defective Turret
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1228
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
833
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
15971
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
10435
Who:
Turret
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
409
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
293
Who:
Defective Turret
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
2576
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
172
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
153
Who:
Wheatley
Arsonist.
Listens:
172
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
155
Who:
Wheatley
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
202
Who:
Wheatley
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
Listens:
209
Who:
GLaDOS
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5297
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
238
Who:
Wheatley
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1222
Who:
Wheatley
And off we go.
Listens:
173
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
204
Who:
GLaDOS
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 3
Alright, get moving.
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
1761
Who:
Wheatley
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
231
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
268
Who:
Defective Turret
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1061
Who:
Turret
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir!
Listens:
2799
Who:
Caroline
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 3
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Core 3
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you!
Listens:
3372
Who:
Turret
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1511
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1196
Who:
Wheatley
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
3797
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1522
Who:
Core 1
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
387
Who:
Core 3
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2476
Who:
Core 1
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
396
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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