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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Hi there!
Listens:
504
Who:
Defective Turret
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2443
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 3
Yeah.
Listens:
393
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
801
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
963
Who:
Announcer
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
50776
Who:
GLaDOS
Nap time
Listens:
3411
Who:
Turret
Moody.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
845
Who:
Core 1
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2765
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
723
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5915
Who:
Turret
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1960
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come on through.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
102988
Who:
Core 1
Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
800
Who:
Wheatley
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
571
Who:
Core 3
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
919
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9731
Who:
Turret
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3624
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1137
Who:
Cave Johnson
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
five
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Wheatley
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1509
Who:
Core 1
Orange is penalized
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
643
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1475
Who:
Caroline
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4468
Who:
Defective Turret
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2069
Who:
Cave Johnson
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
19307
Who:
Defective Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1373
Who:
GLaDOS
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3134
Who:
Caroline
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1348
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang!
Listens:
753
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
1037
Who:
Core 3
Good!
Listens:
3052
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19349
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1389
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3322
Who:
Wheatley
Chews with mouth open.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
667
Who:
Turret
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
564
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2825
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3973
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
2061
Who:
Turret
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
1384
Who:
Caroline
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Core 1
NO!
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1257
Who:
Wheatley
That's the spirit!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
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