Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1197
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
Narcissist.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
23216
Who:
Caroline
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Open the door!
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2030
Who:
Defective Turret
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3003
Who:
GLaDOS
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
739
Who:
Turret
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
330
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
791
Who:
Announcer
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2357
Who:
Turret
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
784
Who:
Wheatley
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1722
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
679
Who:
Core 3
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6542
Who:
Defective Turret
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
8923
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1077
Who:
Defective Turret
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3115
Who:
Announcer
I love space.
Listens:
917
Who:
Core 1
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1941
Who:
Core 1
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1900
Who:
Core 3
Can't breathe...
Listens:
795
Who:
Turret
I am!
Listens:
1235
Who:
Caroline
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2276
Who:
Wheatley
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
847
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
866
Who:
Cave Johnson
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
Unknown error
Listens:
1637
Who:
Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1098
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
505
Who:
Core 3
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1445
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4289
Who:
GLaDOS
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2000
Who:
Wheatley
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
952
Who:
Core 3
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
910
Who:
Core 1
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
771
Who:
Turret
Fantastic.
Listens:
772
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
938
Who:
Core 1
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1402
Who:
GLaDOS
Never listens.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
764
Who:
Announcer
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4509
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4075
Who:
Wheatley
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
391
Who:
Core 2
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5737
Who:
Cave Johnson
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1566
Who:
Wheatley
Hey
Listens:
817
Who:
Turret
Well, I tried.
Listens:
714
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
538
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
762
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8688
Who:
Cave Johnson
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2313
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6668
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6576
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
17698
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
