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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Could you come over here?
Listens:
2479
Who:
Turret
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
Quick, this way!
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
445
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
158
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!
Listens:
168
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
4364
Who:
Turret
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
448
Who:
Core 3
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
4085
Who:
Turret
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
168
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1249
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
195
Who:
Wheatley
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Insecure.
Listens:
180
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
879
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
214
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is huge.
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
3387
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1031
Who:
Turret
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
631
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
32491
Who:
GLaDOS
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
three
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
180
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
399
Who:
Core 3
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
264
Who:
Defective Turret
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
189
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
166
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
3291
Who:
Wheatley
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
158
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
169
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1304
Who:
Core 3
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
3878
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
183
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
213
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
74848
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
170
Who:
Wheatley
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
171
Who:
Wheatley
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 3
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
497
Who:
Core 3
Press it!
Listens:
206
Who:
GLaDOS
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
161
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
364
Who:
Core 3
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Core 3
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
15456
Who:
Cave Johnson
What about that camera?
Listens:
177
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
180
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 3
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
4808
Who:
Announcer
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
187
Who:
Wheatley
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
729
Who:
Core 1
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5729
Who:
GLaDOS
What?
Listens:
221
Who:
Wheatley
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1323
Who:
Announcer
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1445
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
603
Who:
Defective Turret
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 1
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
782
Who:
Core 1
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
176
Who:
GLaDOS
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1390
Who:
GLaDOS
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
23872
Who:
GLaDOS
Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.
Listens:
167
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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