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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2527
Who:
Announcer
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2304
Who:
GLaDOS
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
No sense of humor.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3124
Who:
GLaDOS
Insecure.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2525
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
400
Who:
Defective Turret
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
227
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
See that?
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
1949
Who:
Wheatley
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
What?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
565247
Who:
Core 1
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
620
Who:
Defective Turret
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1596
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
968
Who:
Core 3
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
225
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
227
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1749
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1746
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6628
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2025
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
227
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
851
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1459
Who:
Cave Johnson
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Riggght now.
Listens:
240
Who:
Wheatley
Machiavellian!
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1931
Who:
Wheatley
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
100728
Who:
Wheatley
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space.
Listens:
899
Who:
Core 1
Incoherent.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
227
Who:
Wheatley
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
225
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1228
Who:
Core 2
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Core 1
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
628
Who:
Core 3
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1117
Who:
Defective Turret
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1283
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3170
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1539
Who:
Wheatley
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
3827
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
461
Who:
Defective Turret
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
932
Who:
Core 1
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Core 1
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
951
Who:
Core 1
You asked for this!
Listens:
314
Who:
Defective Turret
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
229
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
921
Who:
Core 1
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1083
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
225
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1239
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1479
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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