Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2369
Who:
Wheatley
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2061
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2327
Who:
Defective Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
3011
Who:
Core 3
Sorry.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2015
Who:
Wheatley
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1359
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
3116
Who:
Caroline
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1641
Who:
Announcer
There she is...
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1670
Who:
Core 1
It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
855
Who:
Core 2
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3185
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5486
Who:
Core 2
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
18830
Who:
Core 1
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
214082
Who:
Core 1
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
808
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21830
Who:
Wheatley
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
974
Who:
Announcer
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
50148
Who:
Cave Johnson
MOVE.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1869
Who:
Announcer
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
1056
Who:
GLaDOS
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2965
Who:
Announcer
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
Hello there!
Listens:
1717
Who:
Defective Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Core 2
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5790
Who:
GLaDOS
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
Open the door!
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
125992
Who:
Cave Johnson
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
You're better than that.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
521
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 2
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Wet blanket.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2052
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
796
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1420
Who:
Core 2
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
21919
Who:
Core 1
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
586949
Who:
Core 1
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
20951
Who:
Core 1
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1810
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Over here! This way!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3753
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
Owww!
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
669
Who:
Defective Turret
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Core 3
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1154
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4880
Who:
Wheatley
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6923
Who:
Defective Turret
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!