Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 1
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1502
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Space!
Listens:
2899
Who:
Core 1
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34953
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1808
Who:
Wheatley
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Core 3
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Press it!
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Finish it...
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2302
Who:
Core 1
Keep moving, keep moving...
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
I swear I know him...
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Until now.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2246
Who:
Wheatley
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
GET IN!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2450
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2828
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22228
Who:
Announcer
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
696
Who:
Core 2
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
OW!
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
Where'd you go?
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1789
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1090
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
27592
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1344
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1630
Who:
GLaDOS
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2211
Who:
Wheatley
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
463
Who:
Core 2
You won't regret this!
Listens:
690
Who:
Defective Turret
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1772
Who:
Wheatley
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
770616
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3656
Who:
Wheatley
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2548
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
47892
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
2439
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2561
Who:
Turret
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
965
Who:
Announcer
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Core 1
Chronically late.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1676
Who:
Cave Johnson
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1607
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21822
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1621
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
972
Who:
Announcer
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2054
Who:
Defective Turret
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2564
Who:
Core 3
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2450
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1414
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2050
Who:
Wheatley
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 3
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
963
Who:
Wheatley
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1454
Who:
Wheatley
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9043
Who:
Wheatley
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
478
Who:
Defective Turret
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1716
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!