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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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My fault
Listens:
1286
Who:
Turret
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Go on!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
677
Who:
Core 3
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5472
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1816
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17032
Who:
Core 2
Try something.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
18821
Who:
Core 1
Hi there!
Listens:
2141
Who:
Defective Turret
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
77393
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6061
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm trouble.
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1430
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6791
Who:
Defective Turret
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
774
Who:
Defective Turret
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 3
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2379
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Um.
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1482
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
803
Who:
Core 3
I’m scared!
Listens:
964
Who:
Turret
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
461687
Who:
Core 1
Cryptic.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
866
Who:
Defective Turret
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Cave Johnson
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
313356
Who:
Announcer
Whoa!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2096
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Sollllve it...
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
947
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
968
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
There. Fixed.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1637
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1630
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43118
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8983
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1622
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6680
Who:
Announcer
You both need to do something.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10334
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1452
Who:
Core 1
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2050
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4967
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3709
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38308
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2203
Who:
Defective Turret
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3907
Who:
Defective Turret
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3327
Who:
Turret
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1238
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4301
Who:
Wheatley
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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