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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
2400
Who:
Turret
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
695
Who:
Wheatley
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
188
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
529
Who:
Defective Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
3663
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
196
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
908
Who:
Defective Turret
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
204
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
474
Who:
Turret
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
250
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Listens:
216
Who:
Wheatley
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
20249
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
1737
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1270
Who:
Wheatley
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
237
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 1
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
57742
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
210
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhhhh!
Listens:
233
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
660
Who:
Core 3
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
212
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
2752
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
4277
Who:
Cave Johnson
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
596
Who:
Announcer
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1541
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
833
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
861
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm trouble.
Listens:
259
Who:
Defective Turret
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4892
Who:
Core 3
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
190
Who:
Wheatley
five
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
3529
Who:
GLaDOS
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
153794
Who:
Wheatley
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
914
Who:
Announcer
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
3703
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
606
Who:
Turret
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
I know you.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5170
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
184
Who:
Wheatley
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent work.
Listens:
221
Who:
GLaDOS
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
174
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
1924
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
991
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
2693
Who:
Announcer
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
201
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
884
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
788
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
342
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8125
Who:
Caroline
Moody.
Listens:
183
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
213
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Core 3
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1431
Who:
Announcer
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
2936
Who:
Wheatley
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
2577
Who:
Turret
Are we in space?
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 1
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
5764
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
310
Who:
Defective Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2424
Who:
Core 3
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
914
Who:
Turret
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1750
Who:
Turret
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1414
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
24845
Who:
GLaDOS
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
812
Who:
Announcer
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
3506
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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