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Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
39099
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hooray!
Listens:
3255
Who:
Turret
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
166
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
4321
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
182
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh...
Listens:
260
Who:
Defective Turret
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Wet blanket.
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
425
Who:
Defective Turret
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
149
Who:
GLaDOS
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2160
Who:
Wheatley
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
194
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
649
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1671
Who:
Core 2
One
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
151
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1167
Who:
Wheatley
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
Nap time
Listens:
2277
Who:
Turret
Goodnight
Listens:
4336
Who:
Turret
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
557
Who:
Core 2
Lawl
Listens:
72681
Who:
Turret
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
754
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
280
Who:
Defective Turret
Press it!
Listens:
185
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
768
Who:
Core 1
Malfunctioning
Listens:
807
Who:
Turret
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1061
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
514
Who:
Turret
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5262
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
1882
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1313
Who:
Turret
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
4712
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2196
Who:
Turret
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
730
Who:
Core 1
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
2556
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
1819
Who:
Core 1
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
What'd I hit?
Listens:
221
Who:
Defective Turret
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10305
Who:
Core 1
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
803
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
676
Who:
Core 2
Hi there!
Listens:
1383
Who:
Defective Turret
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
1765
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
189
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
2122
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to space.
Listens:
847
Who:
Core 1
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 3
Stubborn.
Listens:
161
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
615487
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space!
Listens:
1158
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
732
Who:
Core 3
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
265
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
846
Who:
Wheatley
Carry on.
Listens:
156
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
31448
Who:
GLaDOS
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
4266
Who:
Announcer
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
1754
Who:
Announcer
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
199
Who:
GLaDOS
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
Listens:
154
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
189
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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