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Portal 2
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You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1491
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
3752
Who:
GLaDOS
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
3227
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
164
Who:
Wheatley
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
267
Who:
Defective Turret
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
217
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1434
Who:
Defective Turret
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
278542
Who:
Announcer
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
13788
Who:
Core 2
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1027
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
3290
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
320
Who:
Core 2
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that necessary?
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
260
Who:
Defective Turret
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
1202
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1324
Who:
Wheatley
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
146
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1687
Who:
Wheatley
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
176
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Core 2
Okay, this way
Listens:
150
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks empathy.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
146
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1449
Who:
Cave Johnson
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
633
Who:
Cave Johnson
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
605
Who:
Turret
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
1807
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
348
Who:
Core 3
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Hostile to new ideas.
Listens:
147
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
147
Who:
GLaDOS
The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
Listens:
203
Who:
GLaDOS
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
171
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
205
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
3115
Who:
Announcer
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
205
Who:
GLaDOS
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
177
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
551
Who:
Defective Turret
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
There. Try it now.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
194
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1025
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
895
Who:
Cave Johnson
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
155
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
885
Who:
Caroline
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
5114
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
490
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
145
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
143
Who:
GLaDOS
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
180
Who:
Wheatley
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1169
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1621
Who:
Core 2
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
1841
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
878
Who:
Defective Turret
Ow!
Listens:
156
Who:
Wheatley
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 3
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
3287
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
660
Who:
Core 1
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
201
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
144
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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