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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
566
Who:
Core 2
Do not do it!
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
221
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
161
Who:
Wheatley
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 3
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1172
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
3387
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
133432
Who:
Cave Johnson
Lady.
Listens:
568
Who:
Core 1
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
174
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
205
Who:
GLaDOS
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
183
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
966
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
561
Who:
Turret
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
24382
Who:
GLaDOS
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
88577
Who:
Wheatley
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
206
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
1721
Who:
Core 2
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
17103
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here, let me get that for you.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7585
Who:
Core 3
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
568
Who:
Announcer
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
3493
Who:
Core 1
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
161
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
784
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
870
Who:
Announcer
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
15951
Who:
Announcer
What?
Listens:
221
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
14735
Who:
Core 1
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
216
Who:
GLaDOS
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
171
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
674
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
6677
Who:
GLaDOS
No can do.
Listens:
245
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
838
Who:
GLaDOS
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
3291
Who:
Wheatley
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
233
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
188
Who:
Wheatley
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3219
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
237
Who:
Defective Turret
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go?
Listens:
221
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
OW...
Listens:
202
Who:
Wheatley
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2385
Who:
Announcer
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
185
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
1969
Who:
Wheatley
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
29937
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
202
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
844
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
74848
Who:
GLaDOS
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
418
Who:
Core 2
This time...
Listens:
323
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
174
Who:
Wheatley
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
186
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
This is trouble.
Listens:
568
Who:
Defective Turret
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
3944
Who:
Cave Johnson
I’m scared!
Listens:
564
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1454
Who:
Announcer
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
232
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
991
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
720
Who:
Cave Johnson
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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