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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
1046
Who:
Core 3
This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1446
Who:
Wheatley
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you!
Listens:
4749
Who:
Turret
Undermines others.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
I love space.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Here I go!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6901
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1757
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Core 3
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2565
Who:
Core 3
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3467
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20868
Who:
Defective Turret
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2583
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah!
Listens:
1657
Who:
Core 1
Gah!
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2594
Who:
Core 1
Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1447
Who:
Announcer
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15449
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6692
Who:
Announcer
Problems with authority.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20407
Who:
Wheatley
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you have there?
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10563
Who:
Cave Johnson
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1201
Who:
Wheatley
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1063
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
19234
Who:
Announcer
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
970
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3324
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
2125
Who:
Turret
Ugh!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Turrets!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7485
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8000
Who:
GLaDOS
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
19304
Who:
Cave Johnson
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1147
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
77430
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4889
Who:
GLaDOS
There it is.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
47914
Who:
GLaDOS
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1504
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3627
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
844
Who:
Wheatley
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2202
Who:
Cave Johnson
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2348
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1410
Who:
Turret
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Wheatley
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2369
Who:
Announcer
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
73359
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
31914
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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