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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
9982
Who:
Core 1
Histrionic.
Listens:
147
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1207
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
1546
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
5438
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4737
Who:
Core 2
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
148
Who:
Wheatley
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2388
Who:
Core 3
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
18353
Who:
Turret
Hello.
Listens:
2596
Who:
Turret
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
188
Who:
Wheatley
Well played.
Listens:
238
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
4571
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5318
Who:
Turret
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
324
Who:
Core 2
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
152
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1112
Who:
Core 1
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
7590
Who:
Wheatley
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
151
Who:
Wheatley
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
187
Who:
Wheatley
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
149
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
664
Who:
Core 1
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2135
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 3
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
18174
Who:
Caroline
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
148
Who:
Wheatley
I won't let you down!
Listens:
204
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
655
Who:
Core 1
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1033
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
503
Who:
Defective Turret
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
2166
Who:
Turret
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
147
Who:
Wheatley
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
997
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
2519
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
3279
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1184
Who:
Cave Johnson
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
151
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
336
Who:
Core 3
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
203
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
208
Who:
Wheatley
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
What'd I hit?
Listens:
216
Who:
Defective Turret
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
2232
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
24666
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
310
Who:
Core 2
I'm different...
Listens:
55600
Who:
Turret
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
206
Who:
GLaDOS
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
156
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
147
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
537783
Who:
Core 1
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
164
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
221
Who:
Wheatley
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
274
Who:
Defective Turret
What's going on?
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
1481
Who:
Turret
Oh!
Listens:
694
Who:
Turret
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
4288
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still there?
Listens:
43471
Who:
Turret
Carry on.
Listens:
155
Who:
Wheatley
What are you...
Listens:
156
Who:
Wheatley
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
3141
Who:
Wheatley
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
395
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
831
Who:
Announcer
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
204
Who:
Defective Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
773
Who:
Cave Johnson
Whee!
Listens:
1299
Who:
Turret
I need backup!
Listens:
386
Who:
Turret
Like the potato!
Listens:
158915
Who:
Defective Turret
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
Always sulking.
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
4879
Who:
Wheatley
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
2470
Who:
Defective Turret
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
3642
Who:
Core 3
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1052
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1093
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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