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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1676
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aw, come on!
Listens:
699
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
409
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
901
Who:
Core 1
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
854
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6384
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
3004
Who:
Core 3
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18088
Who:
Core 3
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
3052
Who:
Announcer
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go in!
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
1101
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1661
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
Ow!
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Never on time.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1455
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
403
Who:
Defective Turret
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2446
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3466
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5985
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
843
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6950
Who:
Wheatley
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Please go to space.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Core 1
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1266
Who:
Defective Turret
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
191602
Who:
Wheatley
Get mad!
Listens:
34589
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
13100
Who:
Turret
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1846
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1378
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
1021
Who:
Wheatley
Nap time
Listens:
3411
Who:
Turret
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1257
Who:
Wheatley
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
520
Who:
Defective Turret
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Defective Turret
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
761
Who:
Core 3
I need backup!
Listens:
714
Who:
Turret
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3593
Who:
GLaDOS
There it is.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5470
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
749
Who:
Turret
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
570
Who:
Defective Turret
Be careful!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1255
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 1
I know you.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1882
Who:
Announcer
Lady.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Core 1
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Undermines others.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1991
Who:
GLaDOS
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1587
Who:
Announcer
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18795
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah!
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5559
Who:
Core 1
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1370
Who:
Defective Turret
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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