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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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GAH!
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
636
Who:
Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1091
Who:
Defective Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
916
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
787
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
882
Who:
Defective Turret
Antisocial.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
231
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1177
Who:
Defective Turret
It's my big chance!
Listens:
923
Who:
Defective Turret
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
473
Who:
Core 3
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1308
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
4343
Who:
Wheatley
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
21756
Who:
Turret
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
36334
Who:
Wheatley
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1868
Who:
Cave Johnson
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Riggght now.
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2094
Who:
Wheatley
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
651
Who:
Core 2
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
918
Who:
Wheatley
[humming]
Listens:
1667
Who:
Core 1
Good.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
1147
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
26654
Who:
GLaDOS
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2625
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
751
Who:
Turret
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
231
Who:
GLaDOS
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget!
Listens:
864
Who:
Turret
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2418
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Turret
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1215
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1728
Who:
GLaDOS
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2214
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
784
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
2660
Who:
Core 1
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2290
Who:
Wheatley
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1921
Who:
Wheatley
What are you...
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
6080
Who:
Announcer
Histrionic.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
593
Who:
Core 1
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry!
Listens:
233
Who:
Wheatley
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
386
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1232
Who:
Caroline
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1060
Who:
Turret
What do you have there?
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1939
Who:
Wheatley
Okay...
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
495
Who:
Defective Turret
Whee!
Listens:
1919
Who:
Turret
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
1840
Who:
Defective Turret
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8359
Who:
Core 3
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1386
Who:
Cave Johnson
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5708
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Core 3
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