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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
298
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 3
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
1465
Who:
Turret
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1253
Who:
Core 3
No sense of humor.
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
240
Who:
Wheatley
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
4617
Who:
Turret
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2033
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
202
Who:
Wheatley
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
1916
Who:
Core 3
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
214
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
1862
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1294
Who:
Core 3
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
14902
Who:
Cave Johnson
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
468
Who:
Turret
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
186
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
175
Who:
GLaDOS
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1791
Who:
Announcer
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
187
Who:
GLaDOS
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
75905
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
225
Who:
GLaDOS
Irritable.
Listens:
184
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Listens:
181
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
4007
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
794
Who:
Turret
Ungh!
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
3231
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
4525
Who:
Wheatley
Yes!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
957
Who:
Core 1
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 3
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
3637
Who:
GLaDOS
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
2752
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
31433
Who:
GLaDOS
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
1944
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
205
Who:
Wheatley
[humming]
Listens:
1413
Who:
Core 1
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
189
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
454
Who:
Core 1
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1880
Who:
Core 2
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
2475
Who:
Announcer
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Turrets!
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
551
Who:
Core 3
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
374
Who:
Core 2
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1822
Who:
Core 3
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
184
Who:
Wheatley
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
201
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
2594
Who:
Announcer
Owww!
Listens:
565
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
Space? SPACE!
Listens:
18035
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
310
Who:
Defective Turret
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
186
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1287
Who:
Cave Johnson
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
556
Who:
Core 3
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1782
Who:
Announcer
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
307
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
486
Who:
Core 1
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
174
Who:
GLaDOS
I can only imagine.
Listens:
191
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
519
Who:
Defective Turret
Until now.
Listens:
194
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
385
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
177
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
777
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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