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Portal 2
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Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1594
Who:
Core 2
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1366
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
202
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
167
Who:
Wheatley
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1415
Who:
Core 3
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
605
Who:
Defective Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
4006
Who:
Turret
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you win.
Listens:
537
Who:
Turret
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Announcer
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
18823
Who:
GLaDOS
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1460
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
527
Who:
Defective Turret
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
823
Who:
Cave Johnson
Fantastic.
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue receives
Listens:
183
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
2818
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
759
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
741
Who:
Wheatley
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
161
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
835
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello!
Listens:
1562
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1802
Who:
Core 1
Egotistical.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7540
Who:
Core 3
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2252
Who:
Turret
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Cave Johnson
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
982
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
Finish it...
Listens:
230
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
927
Who:
Core 3
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
799
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Press it!
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1392
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
208
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
167
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
286
Who:
Defective Turret
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
697
Who:
Core 3
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
305
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
158
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
12459
Who:
Announcer
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
161
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
705
Who:
Defective Turret
What do you have there?
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Turrets!
Listens:
214
Who:
Wheatley
Lawl
Listens:
73446
Who:
Turret
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1818
Who:
Turret
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1470
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9076
Who:
Cave Johnson
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
2662
Who:
Announcer
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
189
Who:
GLaDOS
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
60372
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
46101
Who:
GLaDOS
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
667
Who:
Core 3
There we go. Lights on.
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
164
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
1637
Who:
GLaDOS
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
484
Who:
Defective Turret
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
2880
Who:
Cave Johnson
There it is.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
155
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
And...?
Listens:
172
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
5943
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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