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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
150
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1388
Who:
GLaDOS
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
154
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
633
Who:
Cave Johnson
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
2309
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1038
Who:
Defective Turret
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
186
Who:
Wheatley
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
24775
Who:
GLaDOS
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
193
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
1998
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1701
Who:
Core 1
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
220
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
3202
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
21142
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Core 1
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
Listens:
152
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2027
Who:
Core 1
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
2846
Who:
Wheatley
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
1892
Who:
Core 3
I hate you so much.
Listens:
8787
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
509
Who:
Core 3
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1334
Who:
Wheatley
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
145
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
1870
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hi again!
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
And that makes 10.
Listens:
172
Who:
GLaDOS
GET IN!
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
4627
Who:
Core 3
Dull expression.
Listens:
146
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
1860
Who:
GLaDOS
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
2639
Who:
Announcer
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
3249
Who:
Announcer
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
145
Who:
GLaDOS
Ok... Here we go...
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1468
Who:
GLaDOS
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
3752
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I help you?
Listens:
547
Who:
Turret
No sense of humor.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
362
Who:
Core 3
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
172
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
3663
Who:
GLaDOS
Resting
Listens:
345
Who:
Turret
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
4834
Who:
Core 2
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
145
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
323
Who:
Defective Turret
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
184
Who:
Wheatley
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
50984
Who:
GLaDOS
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
223
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
220
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
38941
Who:
GLaDOS
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
147
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1153
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
83385
Who:
Core 1
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
524
Who:
Turret
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Core 3
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
1860
Who:
Turret
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
14289
Who:
Defective Turret
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
145
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
145
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 2
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1038
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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