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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I hate you so much.
Listens:
9191
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
3477
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
504
Who:
Core 3
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
3152
Who:
Wheatley
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
184
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
5964
Who:
Turret
Miss you!
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
4364
Who:
Turret
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1530
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
327
Who:
Defective Turret
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
9176
Who:
Cave Johnson
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
1879
Who:
Cave Johnson
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
218
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
7585
Who:
Core 3
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
561
Who:
Turret
Why?
Listens:
1584
Who:
Turret
What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
Listens:
213
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
175
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
2546
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1447
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
1776
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
1388
Who:
Turret
That's not funny.
Listens:
1224
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
569
Who:
Defective Turret
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
211
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that necessary?
Listens:
213
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2263
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1390
Who:
Announcer
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
399
Who:
Core 3
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
10504
Who:
Core 1
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
914
Who:
Turret
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
183
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
5784
Who:
Core 1
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 3
Oh no...
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright?
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
211
Who:
Wheatley
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh dear.
Listens:
553
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1481
Who:
Core 1
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
2433
Who:
Defective Turret
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1031
Who:
Turret
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1252
Who:
Core 3
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
3727
Who:
Announcer
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1829
Who:
Core 2
Who's there?
Listens:
1366
Who:
Turret
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
2718
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooagh!
Listens:
211
Who:
Wheatley
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
This way! This way!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
Hey
Listens:
615
Who:
Turret
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1678
Who:
Cave Johnson
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
166
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
19192
Who:
Turret
Owwwww!
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
968
Who:
Wheatley
Blue is penalized
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
OW!
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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