Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
2540
Who:
Core 1
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
965
Who:
Wheatley
Always sulking.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
And off we go.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
566
Who:
Defective Turret
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
523
Who:
Core 2
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 2
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
827
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2307
Who:
Announcer
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Wheatley
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
479
Who:
Core 2
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1227
Who:
Wheatley
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1608
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7027
Who:
Wheatley
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2645
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5343
Who:
Announcer
I don't blame you
Listens:
24316
Who:
Turret
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1499
Who:
Core 2
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1247
Who:
Cave Johnson
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
For safety.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Announcer
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that necessary?
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1501
Who:
Announcer
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1400
Who:
GLaDOS
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is penalized
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
770
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Cave Johnson
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12429
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
691
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1261
Who:
Turret
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 3
Stubborn.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1147
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Announcer
Hurry!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
774
Who:
Core 3
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6389
Who:
GLaDOS
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
981
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55536
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5404
Who:
GLaDOS
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3394
Who:
Turret
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1464
Who:
Core 3
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
47911
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4423
Who:
Core 3
Come on! Over here! This way!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11870
Who:
Announcer
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7482
Who:
Announcer
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
553
Who:
Core 3
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
497
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Good!
Listens:
10752
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2465
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1851
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!